Hope That Guides Us, Pain That Binds Us
by Clone Daniel
Summary: Third Impact has been aborted. But events leading up to it and the event itself have left their scars, physical and mental. Pain cannot be brushed away by it, and trauma cannot be healed so easily! They are now faced with their worst enemies... themselves
1. King Nothing

_Author Notes: My first Evangelion fic. I'm a very recent fan, but in the short time I've had the entire series, and EoE, I've watched it through three times. The series is truly deserving of it's title as one of the best Animes around._

_As you may have read in the summary, this is a post 3rd-Impact fic. Cliché, I know, but... this is what I want to do. However, in all the EVA-fics I've read concerning the events of post 3rd-Impact, they tend to be a time-skip of a few years; or if it is the immediate aftermath, the characters seem to be near-enough at peace. To me this doesn't make sense, especially given events leading up to 3rd-Impact. (I'm sure you've all seen End Of Evangelion). For this reason, I wanted to take a look at the psychological impact of post 3rd-Impact, and events leading up to it, on the characters._

_So, before I start rambling, enjoy._

* * *

"How Disgusting."

Those were the first words he heard her utter. Right now he was crying onto her chest, a few tears having hit her face earlier, sobbing his heart out. He didn't know why... He didn't know anything. Why did she come back?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why wasn't she leaving him alone?

"Hey... idiot..." She mumbled in her tired voice. He gave no response. "... Would you mind...?"

He just took his hands off her neck, and wrapped both arms around her, snaking them under her back. He was sure he'd be alone when he came back... but no, she was here too. She'd been lying on the beach with him, in her plug suit, still coloured a mix of reds, which was missing it's right arm piece, her right arm snugly bandaged in it's entirety, and her left eye covered with a patch of soft fabric, held in place by three sticky straps. Two ran vertically, one horizontally.

And it was his fault.

His fault.

His fault.

His fault.

_... My fault! _

**Chapter 1**

**King Nothing**

"I'm sorry..." He uttered into her chest, the words sobbed out and muffled to her ears. "Asuka... I'm sorry... It's my fault..."

_Still the same spineless Shinji. Apologising as soon as he sees me. _Right now... she couldn't really care what the hell he was talking about. She was alive, and more horrible memories had been added to her head. More memories to bury.

"Shinji, you pervert..." His head bolted up see her looking down at him, though she hadn't moved from her position. "You're lying face down on my chest... pervert." Her little attempt to lighten the mood.

She noticed his eyes were puffed up and red, and his cheeks sodden with his tears, almost seeming like they'd wrinkle up like fingertips in a bath. He stared at her for a long moment... then his face contorted into a severely painful expression, and tears once again flowed free. Not caring for the pervert comment, he just buried his face into her again, and cried quietly.

She didn't know how long they had already been there, or how long they remained. All she knew was, from what little she was able to see, was this place seemed alien. The starry night was scared with a blood red streak across the sky, which floated there like a crimson milky way. That streak also seemed to cut through the moon, cutting it into rough three-quarter and one-quarter chunk, though each piece remained glued to the other. The water she heard washing up on the beach every now and then, was also red. LCL. Yet again, she'd had to bathe in the crap...

And it hit her!

She'd died.

Instrumentality.

She'd seen into Shinji's head. And him her. They knew parts of each other they'd always kept private.

She sighed, hard and tiredly, into the sky above. "Verdammt!" Looking down again, Shinji was still crying on her chest, and it almost felt like it was coming through the plug suit. Had he cried that much. "Hey, idiot. Could you get off me?" Though lined with some disgust, the tired nature of her voice made it seem more like a kind request.

Shinji moved himself, swinging his right leg over her, and rolling off to fall flat on his back, as they were before he'd tried to strangle her, though closer. He could feel the last few tears rolling out. The same two words kept replaying in his head, like his SDAT player had been broken. _My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. _Everything about this place was his fault... because he ran! And not only that... the girl beside her, Asuka... she was his fault too.

He felt the area beside him shift. He craned his neck left to see Asuka now sat upright, her legs curled up in a loose upside-down 'V' shape in front of her. He knew she'd see the half-face of the angelic Rei, that single glaring, red eye, and the ominous half smile of that face. She seemed indifferent.

"So this is it huh?" She asked no one in particular. "Instrumentality?" She looked down a little at the LCL sea. "Both places suck if you ask me."

"Yeah..." It was all Shinji could say. If Asuka felt dead, he felt like he'd been rotting for years. "I don't want to sleep on a beach." Asuka said absently, her voice still tired and near-monotone. "And I certainly don't want to spend the night in a plug suit."

"Yeah..." Shinji felt his clothes – his white school uniform shirt and black trousers – were also uncomfortable, having been caked with sand.

"Where do you think we should try?" Asuka asked. That stuck a chord with Shinji. She was deferring to him.

"Well..." He sat up slowly, staring out in the same direction as Asuka. He couldn't look at her. "Perhaps we should see if Misato's apartment isn't ruined." He said in a slightly hesitant voice. Asuka nether deferred to him.

"Yeah... clothing, food... If it's still around." They sat there still, neither wanting to make the first move or try to. They felt too tired. "Hey, Shinji..."

"Yeah...?"

"What was it like? To be God for a day?" She turned her head left partially, a small smirk adorning her lips. "To have all that power..."

Shinji stared at her dumbfounded, the reality of everything hitting him. "I... don't..." He looked away. "... want to talk about it."

"Fair enough." She shrugged and began to stand up. Her legs felt stupidly weak, shuddering and shaking... but she wouldn't show weakness, especially not in front of the idiot. She finally forced herself up, feeling unsteady. "Let's-" She suddenly lurched forward, holding her stomach, feeling like she was about to throw up.

"Asuka!" Shinji shot up like lighting, slowly bringing her upright and looking at her in a worried expression. "Are you okay? Please tell me you're-"

"I'm fine" She said calmly through her hand, which she moved away. "Just a lack of food." _Verdammt! I had to do that in front of him._ "Let's go." She began walking off, the sand making gentle crunching sounds under her feet. She soon her a second set of that sound, signalling Shinji was walking behind her.

_Damn it Shinji! It's your fault! _He wanted to yell at himself in his head, so as they walked back to Tokyo-3; or what was probably left of it, he did just that. _This is your fault! This world, that sea, Asuka... Your fault! _Sure... Instrumentality had taught him he could like him for him, but that doesn't do a very good job at stopping guilt when you've done horrible things.

Disgusting things.

After all that he'd done... Killed Kaworu, wanting to die and not getting into his EVA when he was needed the most... when she needed him... and he'd... he'd... he'd... done that to her while she was comatose. He was a horrible human!

What's more, he'd been able to peak into her mind... violated her like that angel had. Good God in heaven! He knew the mind was private, yet he'd seen into her head. Her past, her pain... everything. EVA wasn't the monster, SEELE wasn't the monster... Not even Gendo was the monster.

He was!

"Mein Gott!" Asuka whispered to herself, though Shinji heard it, and he stopped in his tracks.

He hadn't noticed, but that sand had changed to rock while they were walking. They stood on a hill, the one they had once been on, thinking things over – Rei included. The blue haired albino had something about 'man scraping away at the darkness' that night. That night, Tokyo-3 had been such a clean place... now it was a wreck. The tallest buildings had been cut at least in half, and the area surrounding it was littered with destroyed vehicles, broken glass, jagged metal... anything possible when something like this happened.

Shinji just stared, shocked and appalled. Appalled because he'd found something two more things that were his fault. This destruction was because of him. Rei was now gone because of him, one of the very few friends and people he could relate too. His sister in many ways. Wonderful.

"Well come on idiot, we gotta get going!" Asuka called, already half way down the hill.

Was he so lost in his own guilt? Must be. Drowning in LCL seemed like a good idea right now; though technically, drowning in LCL was physically impossible. Oh the irony.

He followed after Asuka, walking slowly, hands in his pockets and head hung low. He wanted to stay as far away from her as possible. Sure, he knew he was attracted to her, he had been for a long time... but he... had done _that _while she was comatose._WHY??? _Was it because it was the only chance he'd get without some kind of verbal abuse? Heat of the moment? To prove Asuka right? He could've simply covered her up, and let her rest... but no... he had to go and indulge in his own sick fantasies while she was comatose! Right over her! That was practically as bad as invading her mind!

He needed to talk to someone; but only Asuka was available. Jesus. How would he live with himself _and_ her? Of all people to return, why the _hell_ did it have to be her?

They soon found themselves walking the city. Many walls had been turned to rubble, many buildings having collapsed or blown away to the far reaches of Japan. Shattered glass and jagged metal – that had been superheated and cooled – we're strung all over the place. Collapsed street lamps were a common site. The night sky with it's blood streak cutting through it like a scythe truly gave this place a post-apocalyptic feel. The sheer lack of people, the only acknowledgement of there existent being the burnt on silhouettes of people on any remaining walls, also helped. This place really did look like a nuclear wasteland.

"Hey, idiot, you awake?"

He replied with a flat tone."Yeah..." As if to accentuate his point, he tripped over a piece of metal that he missed. He landed flat on his face, hands still in his pockets. He rolled onto his back and sat up, now facing away from Asuka.

"Scheiße..." Asuka sighed, having heard the thud, then turning to see him now sat up. "Way to go, idiot." Her voice was still tired, though it had quickly regained it's old tone. "Get up, we have to keep moving." She noticed that he did not move, and that he was cradling his lower right leg.

She went over to look at it, kneeling by Shinji's right side. The first she saw saw was his agonised expression, eyes clenched tightly shut, and teeth gritted hard in an attempt to keep from screaming. When she looked to the said leg, she noticed a deep gash, running diagonally right, across nearly his entire lower leg. It was bleeding profusely, wetting the fabric around the wound, and leaving the pants a dark red-black. She sighed in exasperation. _Leave it to Shinji to slow us down._ She moved her right hand towards it slowly, preparing to check for any broken bones.

At least that would've happened, if Shinji hadn't quickly swatted her hand away. "Don't touch me!" He screamed.

"Idiot! I need to check for broken bones, then bandage that wound!" She reached for the leg again, only for her hand to be swatted away, this time harder.

"I said don't touch me! I don't deserve your help!"

"Maybe you don't, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my miserable life alone of this god-forsaken planet; now let me help you!"

"_NO!!_"

Asuka almost reeled back from the ferocity Shinji was showing. Almost. He glared into her dark sky blue eyes with his own darker blue ones. Tears were once again flowing, from the physical pain Asuka assumed. Wimp. And why the hell wasn't he accepting the help? Did he want to die?

"Fine." Asuka said in deceptive monotone; only to punch Shinji in the jaw and knock him out. He fell backwards, landing with a small the on the concrete below. "Idiot!" She sighed.

She was quick to tear off his white shirt, leaving his chest bare. Next, she tore the sleeves off, and tied one tightly above the wound, to slow the flow of blood. Next, she took the main part of the shirt, and wrapped that around his lower right leg to cover the wound, making sure it was also tight. Finally, she used the other sleeve to tie the top half of the shirt in place.

Damn! It wasn't enough. What else could be used?

Asuka tore off his left pant leg entirely, with some struggle. _He'll thank me later. _She was quick to tie that around the rest of the shirt on his lower right leg. A fine job of improvised first aid if she did say so herself. Now, to get him home, the only option was to carry him. She decided then and there that when they got to Misato's apartment – if any of it was left – that a good, _long_ talk was in order.

After quickly checking Shinji's leg for broken bones – of which there were none – she picked him up bridal style, being careful not to damage his leg further. Luckily, he proved to have a quite light frame, so carrying him was not a problem. Throughout the continuation of the journey, Asuka grumbled to herself about 'idiotic spineless idiots called Shinji'. Not that she hated him, she never really had... his submissive nature just... repulsed her, scared her even. He was so kind, without batting an eyelid. And when he rejected her help, that scared her more. Since when did Shinji reject an offer of help so vehemently? Instrumentality must have screwed him up pretty bad... something must have.

She found the building that held Misato's apartment. The top half of the building annihilated, leaving roughly half the building intact, somehow protected by the surrounding buildings. They all looked worse for where though. What was left of the walls had been charred, and any and all windows on any building had been shattered. If Misato's apartment still existed, it would be in a barely liveable condition at best. Might as well check.

Asuka went up flight after flight of stairs. All stairs would soon feel the wrath of Asuka Langley Soryu. She now officially cursed all stairs. So many stairs. Oh... at last, the right floor. Damn Shinji had gotten heavy suddenly, and her own sorry state was catching up to her as well. She walked tiredly to the door. She pressed the switch to open the door... then again, then again, and again and again and... She remembered that the electricity would be out. Of course, something else just had to go _right._ She set Shinji down on the right side of the door, sitting him upright, and returning to the door. She grabbed hold of what she could, since the door had been damaged itself, suffering puncture marks, and pulled as hard a she possibly could. After some struggle, it was fully open. She went to-

"Why did you help me?" Shinji's tired voice asked from no where.

"I already told you." Asuka shot back to him, glaring at him as he stared off into space. Her voice was still tired, especially after her workout.

"If you knew what I did, you wouldn't have helped me."

"You can tell me what you did later. You need rest, and get proper bandages." Asuka took a deep breath and calmed down a little. "Look... whatever it was, it can't have been that bad. Can you walk?"

Shinji shifted his legs, and pushed himself up, using the wall behind him as leverage. "Barely."

"Then you're lucky I got you here." Asuka motioned to the open door. "Invincible Shinji, saviour of the world, and he's brought down by tripping and slicing his leg." She couldn't help but mock him, pure habit. That was suddenly offset when she walked up to him, slung his right arm over her shoulders, and helped him into the apartment. "Leave me to do all the work eh?"

"Sorry Asuka. I should've looked where I was going." He sounded very downcast.

"For once, you apologised at the right time."

When they got into the apartment, they were in for quite a sight. Scorch marks were everywhere. The kitchen was near enough destroyed, with the fridge in pieces, most of the cabinets having been torn open by the sheer forces involved, with doors hanging open, or no doors at all. The freezer had also been broken into three different pieces. On inspection of the living area, it was a wreck. The sofa had been upturned, the television destroyed beyond repair, glass from the windows and T.V. strewn about the floor. The floor and roof each a gaping hole in them, approximately two meters in diameter, in the centre of each. Something heavy had fallen through them, that was for sure. The balcony that once existed had apparently collapsed, leaving a rough stop to the door. Upon inspection of Shinji's room, it was near enough a wreck as well. The bed was turned on it's front, the mattress heavily charred, and the covers little more than pieces of burnt cloth. Once again, broken glass lay all along the floor. His SDAT was in pieces on the left side of the room. Joy of joys.

Asuka's room was the only one left workable. Her bed was at least in tact, only being on it's side, and the mattress being relatively intact. Most of her clothing however, had been charred and burnt beyond recognition, including her favourite sundress. Only a single, loose t-shirt and a pair of baggy shorts remained. She sighed hard. This was going to mean a huge amount of shopping.

Ah well, first thing's first. After righting the couch, which had it's own share of scorch marks, and clearing away any loose glass, Asuka sat Shinji down on it, and propped his leg up with a pile of pillows, so that it stretched horizontally. She untied her makeshift bandage, throwing the bloodied clothing away, and checked the cut. Luckily, most of the bleeding had stopped, and the cut actually didn't seem that deep, just long.

"I'll see if I can get some water, if the waters still running and clean that is."

"Asuka... you destroyed my clothes." Shinji had only just realised this, after getting a cold shudder.

"It was that or let you bleed." Asuka retorted forcefully. She slipped away to the kitchen and checked the taps. Nothing. She walked back into the living area, where Shinji sat on the couch, gazing up at the ceiling with a tired, almost dead expression. She applied more makeshift bandages, since the first aid kit had disappeared, kneeling down to his leg. This time, a charred pale reddish-pink cotton t-shirt, and a pair of pant legs. She'd found them in Shinji's room; there were better clothes for him to get in that room. She stood up once more, directly in front of him, hands on her hips. "So... what was it you did?"

"Huh?" Shinji brought his gaze to the bandaged girl in her plug suit.

"What made you try and reject my help? Hmm?"

Shinji's eyes widened at the sudden realisation. "It... It... I... I'm sorry." He hung his head low once again, letting some errant tears fall onto his upper legs.

"That's not going to cut it, Third. What the hell did you do?" She walked up to him and bent at the waist, glaring at him as best as she could. "Tell me Third, or I'll-"

"I'm sorry!!" Shinji yelled at her. He was too distraught.

"Tell me Shinji!" Asuka roared back, grabbing him by his shoulders, though refraining from shaking him. "What makes the almighty Shinji break down just by my me being here?!"

There was silence for a moment after that, only broken by the sobs and sniffles of Shinji.

"Do you... remember instrumentality?" Shinji asked, looking up at Asuka's face with a look of regret and remorse, tears still rolling, though a lot more gently. "Remember... when you said you knew all about those... 'jerk-off fantasies'?"

"Yeah..." Her voice was quiet, sullen. She did not like where this was going.

"I... what you saw... it... I did it." He whispered, hoping somehow Asuka wouldn't hear him. She did.

"You... That was real?" Shinji nodded slowly, once again hiding his face behind his hair. "You actually did that?" Asuka's voice was rising slowly, but dangerously. "That image was real?" Shinji nodded again, slowly.

Asuka's system had been shot. She'd seen the image. Her on a hospital bed, partially exposed, and him standing over her... but now... she'd found it wasn't just a fantasy. He'd actually done that!

SLAP!

The sound resonated throughout the apartment.

The right side of Shinji's face would be badly bruised later.

"I should've let you die!" Asuka growled lowly. "You bastard pervert!"

"Asuka... I'm sorry..." His defence mechanism once again came into play once more.

"Don't talk to me Shinji! Stay away from me!" She continued to growl, resisting the urge to utterly annihilate him. "And while I was comatose too... What? Didn't think I'd find out?" He didn't answer. "I didn't expect something like that from you... _Third_." The final word was forcefully emphasised, to make it like a dagger. It appeared to work. Shinji flinched.

He knew he deserved it. He deserved every word and more. He'd just literally destroyed everything he'd ever had with Asuka. He kept his gaze on the couch, a few more tears dropping onto the fabric. He knew he must look like a disgrace right now. Bloody, beaten, crying, only one pant leg and a pair of white 'v'-shaped underwear being all he wore.

He was the worst human on his planet.

"I'm going to change and go to bed." Asuka spun and walked off to her room, her fiery red hair flowing with her. "Try to control your urges while I do." She walked into her room, and slammed her door shut for added emphasis.

Shinji was left alone in the living area, a pathetic specimen of the human race. How cruel things were. But a little time ago, he had been God. He had the power to make things exactly how he wanted them to be. And now... he was nothing.

"I'm sorry..."

* * *

_Author Notes: For future reference, future chapters will most likely be longer, but I felt this was a good place to leave off._

_So, tell me what you think. I like reviews that are a bit more comprehensive, just to let you know. Tell me what you liked, what you disliked, improvements you might suggest, etc._

_I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter of this story._


	2. Made Of Scars

_Author Notes: I have to admit, I've had a few problems with this chapter. Nothing like writers block, but it's been hard to try and get the effect I wanted. I've found myself writing bits and deleting them, then re-writing them. Many times. In the end though, the end result looks good. Err... Reads good... Yeah..._

_Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter._

* * *

Sleep. 

He craved it. So close, and yet so out of reach.

It wasn't just that the couch had popped more than a few springs, making it lumpy and uncomfortable like a bed of needles, but it was his head too. The sting on the right side of his face wasn't helping either. He couldn't get that final image of Asuka out of his head. It was her voice too... It wasn't a yell or a scream or a roar. It was a low growl.

His eyes stung. Why did he have to cry so much?

Why was he so... disgusting?

He didn't want the power. He didn't want the guilt or the shame. He didn't want any of it.

And yet, Shinji Ikari, had become God for a day.

And it had cost him _everything!_

**Chapter 2**

**Made Of Scars**

He didn't bother getting up from the couch after Asuka had left; not to check for clothes or get any kind of sheet to cover himself. He felt he deserved much worse than this as punishment: lying on a couch with any number of popped up springs digging into his back, his only pillow being a armrest, near naked and cold from the night air.

He almost wished Asuka had annihilated him. At least then he'd be able to sleep. He could rest.

Still, this let him think about a lot of things as the cold air provided it's own blanket for him. Would anyone else be coming back? Misato? Rei? Toji? Kensuke? Hikari? Would any of them_want_ to come back?

How much damage had actually happened? He knew what Tokyo-3 was a ruin, if salvageable, but what about the rest of the world? There must have be tidal waves and other destructive natural forces. How many other cities had been ruined?

How many lives had _he_ ruined.

And if there was one thing on his mind, it was Asuka. Her reaction had been... strange. He'd expected a beat down, but all he'd gotten was a verbal thrashing. Maybe she was just tired, and that was all coming tomorrow. _Something to look forward to._ As if he deserved such kindness right now. Because he was cowardly, and not gotten into his EVA when he could or should of, Asuka had died. He suffered because of Third Impact, sure, but how had Asuka been affected. Telling her the... 'dirty-little-secret' must not have helped. Was she even sleeping any better than him?

He felt a sudden pang in his stomach, telling him to go and check in on her. He stopped that almost instantly, releasing it with a breath from his mouth. He knew exactly what would happen, and he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about anything to do with Asuka. He actually called her a friend, in his mind, despite everything. The way she sometimes called him an idiot; sometimes he found it gratifying. It seemed like sometimes, she used it as a term of endearment.

Oh... How pathetic was he right now? So guilt-ridden that he was seeking solace in words that were meant as insults.

Did he still hate himself? Not in the same way as he used to – this was more of a temporary thing brought about by guilt. A _lot_ of guilt. That didn't make it any better though. How he wished he could rewind time, and change everything he did. Give himself a good telling of how things would turn out, then he could change everything for the better.

But he couldn't do that.

Perhaps he could attempt to talk to her. Tomorrow, just maybe, she might be more receptive. A night's sleep could-

An ear splitting scream!

Shinji promptly rolled off the couch and fell flat on the floor, face first, also managing to bang his entire front. His leg throbbed from the sudden impact with the floor. He groaned into it, only to roll onto his back and sit up when a second scream hit his ears.

He knew that scream anywhere. Only Asuka could produce such screams as to make his heart twist like that. It was like... _The fifteenth... _

The screams sounded just like then.

He listened for a moment... barely audible sobs and sniffles were all he heard.

Should he go? Especially in the state he was now? Asuka surely wouldn't take kindly to it.

No! He had to do this. She needed help like now, just like he did. And all they had was each other right now. And he'd help her, she needed it as much as he did.

He pulled himself up with the couch as support, trying hard to ignore the throbbing agony in his right leg. Screw his lack of clothes, screw the cold, screw what Asuka would yell at him! He was going to help her. He stumbled over to her door, limping badly. Here it was. The fabled 'Gateway to hell' – as Kensuke and Toji might call it. He reached for the door... He hesitated, his hand was trembling... What would she say to him?

His hand began flexing, opening and closing, opening and closing. His usual sign of anxiety or excitement, or both. Barely an inch away from the door that lead to the girl he desperately wanted to help, yet feared all at once.

Then he noticed...

... He brought his right hand to his face, putting it an inch or so in front of his eyes, staring at the palm. He did the same for his left hand, his eyes shifting back and forth between the two palms. He flipped his hands over, looking at the back of his hands. His hands... each had a dull circle of darkened brown in the centre. This was... the lances did this. A mark, the eternal symbol for his cowardice. _Holy Stigmata. _

_No more!_

He immediately threw open the door, and gazed into the room. Asuka's room had been cleaned up. No glass was on the floor, the cupboard and any loose items that had fallen over had been put upright once again. Even in the dull light of the night, he could tell that most of the wooden items had been scorched in some way or form. He could see no clothing lying around.

In the left corner of the room, her back to him, wearing a yellow tank top and blue shorts – her usual pyjamas – was Asuka. She appeared to have her knees hugged to her chest, and was silently sobbing onto them, her shoulders jerking every once and again. He got the feeling that she sensed his presence. He hardly had the look for a saviour right now; he didn't even have a look for someone to offer a shoulder to cry on. He took a couple of soft steps into the room.

"Get out!" Was whispered menacingly, sounding almost ghostly in the dull blue of the night.

He stopped for a moment, he could feel his right hand flexing again... No! He'd help her, even if she claimed not to want it.

"Get _out!_" Asuka whispered in a harsher tone, chancing a glance over her right shoulder, using her only uncovered eye. "Get out _right_ now!" He took some more steps towards her. "I won't let you hurt me."

"I'm here to help you."

"Help?" Asuka asked in a dry tone. Shinji could see a small sparkle coming her cheek. "Help? I don't need..." She sobbed, turning her gaze away again, returning to resting her forehead on her knees. "... don't need... need... he-..." She couldn't talk anymore, her throat felt too tight from her sobbing.

"Asuka..." He knelt down behind her, placing his hands on her bare shoulders. "I know... what I did was... disgusting..."

The fiery-haired redhead regained her voice, though it was still cracked and strained. "Disgusting is a term best used lightly, Third Child."

"I want to help you."

"Like you _helped_ me against the EVAs?" She asked spitefully, her voice still pained. "Like you _helped _me when I was comatose? You were only helping yourself. Just like now."

"... That's not true Asuka... not now."

"Get your dirty hands off me!" He jerked them off her shoulders when the word 'dirty' was heard. "How do you expect me to trust you, Third Child?" Asuka asked, glancing over her right shoulder once more. "How do you expect me to trust you after what you told me you did, after you left me to the EVA series?"

He lowered his gaze to the ground. "... I don't." That surprised Asuka, though she gave no outward reaction. "What I did was... worse than anything my father did. I want to make it up somehow. I want to prove that Third Impact has made me a better person. I... just don't know how."

Asuka turned to her right a little so that she was sitting side on to Shinji, still in the same position. She gazed at him with her uncovered eye. He seemed sincere enough. But how could she trust him with anything right now? She couldn't was the answer; she couldn't forgive him. Could she? With his admission, he'd proved every 'pervert' comment she ever given him, even when she hadn't believed those comments herself. She knew Shinji better than that. Sure, he must have urges like all boys his age, but he was surprisingly good at controlling them. Too good. She knew that.

Why then? Why in the hospital when she was in a coma? Well... partially because he'd managed to expose her chest. She hated to admit it... but she knew at least part of why, she just didn't want to believe it when she saw it. He was alone... perhaps the mental image of 'being' with her was his only respite. That didn't make up for it, but... at least he felt bad about it immediately after. Perhaps...

"Shinji..."

"Yes...?"

"... Help me take these bandages off."

He nodded slowly. She turned so she was facing him, Shinji giving her some room. She held out her right arm, still bandaged snugly. Shinji slowly placed his hand on Asuka's upper arm, searching for any kind of safety pin or item that held the bandage together. He found one, and deftly pulled it out, and placed it beside him. All the time he was careful not to injure or scare Asuka, making his movements purposefully slow. She watched him with surprising calm. He didn't deserve this, and yet he was silently grateful to Asuka for this chance. As he began unwrapping the bandage, he pondered whys he was giving him even this small chance. What did he do to deserve it? By all rights she should have kicked him, annihilated him. She must be more out of it than he thought.

Slowly but surely, the white cover was coming off, and the first bits of skin were showing under the arm.

It wasn't pure.

Along the length of it, was a thin pinkish line. Good god... He stopped, staring at the parts of the line visible on her upper and lower arm.

"Keep going Shinji." She told him calmly, also staring at them. He looked at her, his eyes wide. "Keep going."

"I... did this..."

"Maybe... I want these things off." He was still staring at her, so she looked into his eyes. "Shinji, right now I have every reason to hate you, and I do. But I don't want things to stay like that forever."

"N-... Neither do I." He replied softly, his eyes calming.

"Consider this the first step to proving yourself." He nodded in reply.

He once again began unwrapping slowly, giving Asuka ample time to think about things. Like why she was letting Shinji do this; she could just as easily do it herself. She had realised though that right now, all they had was each other. For better or worse. If they were going to survive until – or if others returned – then they would have to rely on each other for help. Plus... she knew that she and Shinji were so alike inside, that it was scary.

She could see more of her arm being revealed. The thin pinkish line that represented a scar disgusted her. _Now I look as bad as I feel. _When changing out of her plug suit, she noticed her body dotted with scares all over torso and stomach. Those had been covered by band-aids until she tore them all off and threw them about the room. All from the Lance of Longinus replicas. Scarred for life. Another reminder of another failure.

And then she noticed... his hands... a neat circle of darkened skin in the centre of each hand, on the palm and back of the hand. He was scarred too.

They were both scarred, physically and mentally.

The arm bandage was off. Shinji still held her arm, examining the scar. It ran from the beginning of her shoulder, straight and down in between her first and second fingers, and back up to the beginning of her armpit. Shinji knew what was next. Her eye. He moved a little closer, and carefully began pulling the tape that held the patch on, away from her. She didn't flinch once. After a moment, the patch was gone, and Shinji was staring at her eye. She stared back.

"Can you see out of it?"

"Yes."

"It's a little red," Shinji told her soothingly, "but that should heal with time."

"And...?" Asuka asked. Shinji was silent, looking away from her. "Shinji, tell me."

"You have scars there too." He said quietly. "Two horizontal lines. One on your eyelid, the other on the top of your cheek bone. They're about the same length as your eye.

Silence fell upon them.

Shinji was reluctant to tell her because he knew how much pride she had in her physical appearance. It definitely worked, because he thought her beautiful.

"Shinji, thank you."

"I should thank you." He looked into her eyes again, smiling sadly. "Just that little thing..."

"Don't get used to it." Asuka snorted softly. "You can leave now."

Shinji's face fell dramatically. He knew that was coming, yet he still hoped. Ah well. He stood up slowly and turned around, walking to the door with a slight limp. He knew she wouldn't talk about whatever made her scream, not after what he'd told her. He opened the door and stepped outside, closing it softly behind him.

He let out a huge breath. The tension in that room had been thick enough to practically be solid.

At least... at least he'd shown he could change.

He raised his hands up to his face again, and looked at the scars on his hands, the perfect little circles. He wished he could help Asuka right now... but... he'd blown that straight out of the water.

He decided to get some clothes on.

* * *

Asuka sat in the darkness once more, alone. 

Damn Shinji! Damn Gott fucking Shinji! Dummkopf! He just had to hear her scream didn't he? She just had to scream... didn't she?

Why didn't she take the bandages on her arm and eye off herself? Why let the idiot Shinji do it? He didn't deserve it, not after indulging himself in her, and yet she had let him do so. Why?Was it because she already felt so dirty as to let his soiled hands touch her? Was it because he was all that she currently had? Or was it...

She wasn't a stupid girl by any means. Third Impact had taught her some things – things she could not accept. How could she accept that weak-minded Shinji and strong hearted Asuka were so... similar? So alone.

No! They weren't alike! He was a spineless little idiot, probably fantasising about her right now... and so...

Kind. So caring. So selfless. So wonderful to her.

Despite his hospital visit... she... Well, she hated him. But despite that, she knew what he must of gone through to some extent, just like he did her. Instrumentality couldn't show everything, it was too much information all at once for the human brain to take in and store. Most likely they knew the important bits though, flashes of images of his childhood, his father leaving him... Gott it was so like her she wanted to scream! But that would bring the idiot running back, and she didn't want that; not now.

_The wolves..._

She had to scream, just had to scream, whether she wanted too or not. She'd wanted to scream for a long time. Scream from fear. What better time than now, when the only person around was Shinji?

What had surprised her, was that he'd come into her room, knowing what she could potentially do or say to him... yet he'd still come here. He'd still tried to help her. She'd still tried to push him away, keep her walls up.

Even if Instrumentality had taught them a few things, it couldn't change what people were at their core. Her walls were still up. His walls were still up. They were the only ones around.

The dream was horrific.

_The wolves..._

She wanted to curl up and be alone once more; she didn't want Shinji around. Yet she craved the attention still. It made her feel good that despite how bad she must've made him feel – and rightly so – that he was still willing to help her.

Was he only doing it for himself though? Well... that was human nature, to generally do things for themselves, but he was so concerned. He didn't seem to care about his own happiness right now, he just wanted to help her.

Maybe she should've talked to him about the dream.

_The wolves..._

"Why Shinji? Why do you have to be so kind?" She asked the dark around her. "Why do you have to be so like me? I hate you."

She knew she didn't mean it entirely. She still hated him for the 'jerk-off' thing, but she was in denial. Her dream, her tiredness, the entire situation... she just didn't feel like dealing with it right now. That was why she didn't turn Shinji into one bloody pulp on her fist. She was too tired. And tomorrow would she have the heart too?

She sighed into her arms, closing her arms, and feeling sleep trying to claw her back.

She'd talk to him tomorrow. Might as well get the talk with. Attack the problem head on, as was her philosophy.

She laid back into her bed, pulling the covers over her, and idly thinking about Shinji. He was so kind to her, so reluctant to break the news of her scars. And he scarred too.

So alike...

* * *

His eyes clenched for a moment, before widening a little. The early morning light was coming through the glass-less window. He idly remembered the night before. Asuka's scream... he could swear he'd heard it again and again and again during the night. Now he recognised it as all a dream, one which had prevented him sleeping properly. Still, the floor had proved more comfortable than the couch. Hard, yes, but at least no springs were poking and prodding him non-stop... with the exception of the pins-and-needles sensation in his left arm. 

He now realised he was sleeping on his left side, arm squashed underneath him. He felt clothes on him, ones he remembered as his pinkish-red plain t-shirt, and a spare pair of black school pants. A combination he would never have thought of. He slowly shoved himself into an upright position, groaning over dramatically at the strenuous exercise. When he finally was upright, he leant back against the wall. His right leg started throbbing again. _That's a bad cramp for a morning. _

It was probably going to be like this for some, his leg. He resisted the urge to cradle it. He looked to his right, to see Asuka's bedroom door closed/ He was about to push it open when it opened by itself. Asuka stood their, still very tired with her eyes lidded. She looked down at Shinji. He spotted the flash of disgust and anger in her face, despite the fact that her face nether changed.

"Shinji, we need to talk about... things." He was awestruck by her bluntness, and could only nod dumbly. "Like it or not, right now, we have to count on each other. That means we have to work these things out."

"Sure, Asuka." He said meekly. "Erm... do you want breakfast?" He was about to push himself to his feet when-

"I'm making breakfast." Asuka had a small scowl on her face. "Thanks to your clumsiness, you can barely stand." She walked to the half-wrecked kitchen without waiting for a reply from Shinji.

Shinji pushed himself to his feet anyway, and hobbled over to the table. Asuka had already righted it. He leaned on it, at the front end of it, panting from how painful his leg was. After a moment, he calmed his breathing.

"Do you want to start talking now?"

"Good a time as any."

"Sure..." He hesitated. Damn him and his nature... Instrumentality couldn't work miracles on a person after all.

"Well then idiot, I'll start." Shinji looked up to see Asuka fixing sandwiches from bread and... whatever it was she was putting on it. "You visited me in the hospital, managed to expose my chest through a bit of shaking, and decided it would be a fun time to have a meat-whack. I want to know why."

"I..." He didn't have an answer. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Was Asuka's incredulous reply, not looking away from her work. "That's it?"

"Honestly Asuka I don't know!" Shinji yelled, slamming his fist down onto the table. Asuka didn't even flinch. "I just... I was alone."

"And doing that made you feel not so alone?" She said it with disgust clearly evident in her voice. "You're nothing more than a selfish coward Shinji."

"You're just like me!" Shinji screamed in her face.

There was silence after that, and it seemed to echo. Shinji seemed thoroughly shell-shocked after what he just said, as did Asuka. There wide eyes confirmed that. Shinji let his shoulders slump.

"Asuka?"

"I'm nothing like you!" Asuka told him quietly.

"Don't give me that." He said back just as quietly, then let out a breath. "I know you're alone, like I am. You aren't a coward or anything like that, but you're just as alone as I am. You just push people away in a different way from me."

"... Shinji..." It was all she could say. _When did he get so... philosophical? _She'd rather not say smart.

"Instrumentality showed me things from your memories. I don't know everything, but... I'm sorry." He didn't know if he was apologising for knowing those bits and pieces of memories, or because of the all the pain she'd experienced because of what those memories showed.

"... Shinji." Her voice choked out. "I... I know about you as well. Not everything... just a few memories; flashes. Most of it hurts."

"Yeah..." That was the phrase for 'same here'. "Perhaps... we can help each other."

Shinji pushed himself upright, looking into Asuka's eyes. Then were glassy, close to tears. He could tell his were too. She started walking away, leaving Shinji to stare at the wall. He heard Asuka's door open and close. Damn it! He'd made her cry! She was crying again. He could hear the silent sobs from behind the door, even at this distance. Right now he just wanted to walk over there and comfort him with every single ounce of his being.

"I'm sorry..." He uttered once more, watching his own tears splatter onto the table. "I'm sorry for how much you've had to go through. You never told me, I couldn't help. I'm sorry I've hurt you. I'm sorry."

He felt hands encircle his waist, a face bury itself into his left shoulder, and wetness quickly form there. It shocked him, though he gave no motion or sound to indicate it.

"I'm sorry too." The strangled voice of Asuka told him. "Gott help me, I'm sorry!"  
Had she forgiven him? No. Was she going to spend her time crying in her room alone? Certainly not. If her body was going to make her cry because of everything in her entire life, she'd at least do it with the one person who'd drowned in the same anguish, who was just as weak as she was.

He understood.

She understood.

They understood each other.

"Shinji." She mumbled into his shoulder. "I haven't forgiven you."

"I know Asuka." He sobbed back, turning around in her grip so that he could hug her too and burying his face into her right shoulder, while she did the same. "I know."

How could she? But what she must be going through... she must be in absolute hell right now. He thought he'd had it bad... but he could see that she'd had it so much worse. He hadn't suffered the fifteenth angel to add to the misery.

How long did they stand there? They didn't know, but they wouldn't anyway. No working clocks.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Neither do I."

They didn't even know who said what anymore. It was as if they were speaking for each other.

Screw if anyone else was watching them, screw that Asuka still at least partially hated Shinji for his hospital visit, screw that Shinji felt like he should be punished for bringing the world to near-end and hurting Asuka... Screw it all! Screw the entire world and whatever they thought about them!

Asuka pulled back slowly, very reluctant to let the comforting grip of Shinji's go. It felt so good to be held like that, to be comforted in such a way. She wanted more... but she didn't want to seem weak for any longer than needed. The defence mechanism had kicked in after a sudden failure.

They stood with no physical contact between them, each looking at the floor, their eyes thoroughly drained of any and all tears for the time being. Shinji sniffed once, then dried his eyes and cheeks on the back of his hand. Asuka repeated the process herself when he was half way through it.

"Shinji... It'll take time..."

"I know." He knew she meant the issue of trust. This at least, was step in the right direction.

He felt so much better, for so many reasons. He hoped she did too.

"Breakfast is ready." She stated, almost chuckling. "Leave me alone for a while." As much as she tried, no malice could enter her voice.

"I understand." He looked up and gave her a small, understanding, sympathetic smile.

She gave him the same smile. She turned to her bedroom and walked to the door. "Thank you, Shinji." She whispered so quietly that Shinji did not hear her. She then entered her room softly, leaving Shinji alone once more.

The memory of this moment would be burned into his mind forever: the one moment in both their lives where they understood each other, felt for each other, cried for other...

Broken their walls for each other.

Even if it would just be for today, even if it was just for a few hours, minutes, or seconds; for the first time since his mother had died... he was happy.

Sat in her room, Asuka could say that she was happy too. No forgiveness as of yet, no; but understanding... That she could give.

She laughed a little to herself. That felt good.

"Idiot."

* * *

_Author Notes__: So... yeah... not exactly logical things to happen; but then again, this is hardly a logical time for them. And they are hardly feeling all too logical either. Add to that the fact that they are not the most logical people to ever live... and you get a good idea of things._

_In my experience, when you are in so much pain as the two in the above, for whatever reason, you'll try to latch onto anyone and anything that can give you comfort – even if that thing/person happens to be something you hate at the time. Especially if it's the only thing/person around capable of providing that comfort._

_Before anyone asks, this isn't the end of the psychological stuff. Shinji and Asuka have come to an understanding of sorts, but no issues have truly been resolved as of yet._

_I shall write this – and my two other current fics – as quickly as possible, but I've just started University, and the workload is bound to pick up in the next two weeks at most. As such, soon things will slow, but I'll work quickly until then, if I can._

_P.S. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed chapter 1, for the excellent reviews. Seriously... wow... the response has been amazing! I just hope this chapter somehow lives up to the first._


	3. Here Is Your Broken Character

_Author Notes: Again, I must thank everyone who has reviewed. I'm seriously glad you are all enjoying the story. Nothing else to say here so, on with the show._

* * *

He'd just finished breakfast. Considering the bread was cooked quite poorly from the shock waves of Third Impact, and the spread was a day away from it's sell-by-date after an extended period in a broken fridge, it wasn't all too bad.

He heard a nose from the hallway that lead to the front door; and then he heard the door forced open. Someone was inside. Who could it be? He couldn't take any chances. He pushed himself up from the chair he was sat in, immediately cursing his throbbing right leg, as each pulse of blood sent a new shot of pain throughout his body. He walked over to the counter, and grabbed a knife. A knife used for spreading butter; hardly sharp, but it would have to do.

He heard no sounds anymore, so he hid himself behind the wall, next to the corner. No activity had come from his room-mates room yet, so he was on his own. At least if she heard the commotion, and he found himself outclassed, she could get out. She deserved to live more than he did anyway.

_One... Two... Three!_

He spun around and held the knife high, trying to make it appear sharp. He would've brought it down, had he not been met with the smiling face of a red eyed, light blue haired girl.

"Ayanami?"

"Ikari. It is good to see you."

**Chapter 3**

**Here Is Your Broken Character**

He let the knife fall, and it made a small ringing sound as it hit the floor beneath him. He lowered his right arm to his side, and stared...

It unmistakeably looked like Ayanami. Her white shirt and dull green skirt and straps signifying her school uniform. The light blue hair and ruby red eyes also signified that this was indeed the girl that was part angel. And yet, something was off... She was smiling.

The girl looked down, and her smile went to a mild look of concern. That was off too.

Shinji thought she was looking _down there, _and gained a mild blush. "Erm... Ayanami?

"You are injured. You should not be standing on that leg." She looked up once more, staring into his eyes. "Please, sit."

He nodded dumbly, and sat down on the wooden kitchen table. Rei immediately knelt down and brought his right leg up so that it was perfectly horizontal. She scanned the leg with her eyes.

"Erm... Asuka already checked it."

She didn't look away form his leg. "Considering current conditions, she has done a commendable job. There is no sign of infection." She looked up at him once more. "Is she here?"

"She's in her room."

"Have you talked to her?"

"I..." He trailed off, looking over to his right. Half a kettle was there on the counter, as were numerous utensils and shattered plates and-

"She has been giving you problems?" Rei's blunt questions always seemed to make him want to answer. But now... she almost looked angry.

"I think _I've_ actually been giving her problems."

"I see." Rei set his leg down back to the floor slowly, and stood over him. "You should not worry. While Soryu is stubborn, loud, arrogant, and other things; she can be forgiving when she wishes it. And I have observed that she is close to you, so she shall forgive you."

Shinji's eyes shot back to Rei's face. "Close?"

"She cares for you." Shinji's face reddened at that. "Despite what she may do or say, and despite recent events, she does care about you." She seemed to notice Shinji's small blush, and smiled softly.

"O-Of course." Did she know about the hospital? Wait, of course she knew, she was one of the catalysts for... Hold the phone! She's smiling again.

"Erm... are you still Ayanami?" He couldn't word it any differently.

"You are referring to my... expressiveness." He nodded. "While my appearance is the same, I no longer have any angel DNA. I am now fully human. As for my appearance still being like this, I wished it this way." She blushed gently, barely noticeably. "It makes me unique. And, I am attempting to be more human by being more expressive."

"Why did you come back?" Well that was a blunt change of topic.

"If I was no longer the commander's doll, then I decided that my existence should not end with Instrumentality. I wished to be... my own person."  
"Oh..." Shinji stared at her for a moment. "Well, what are you going to do?"

"I am... uncertain."

"A good start would be finding some hobbies."

"Hobbies?" Rei asked, confusion mildly in her voice.

"Yeah; like, what do you do just for fun?" Shinji explained with a smile on his face.

"I have never done anything like that."

Shinji's brow furrowed, then he smiled up to her again. "Then I'll help you find some."

"Hey, idiot, who're you talking too?"

* * *

Ruler of a dead place. All the lights in this mechanical paradise were long dead. Funny, he'd always been the subordinate; but now that he was it's ruler, none of it would work. No workers, no working tools. Just lifeless, cold machines.

Just like he'd been. They both had been, though he liked to tell himself it was because it was part of his job.

He woke up on that beach last night. As he gained his bearing, he noticed two specks on the horizon, disappearing over a hill. One was white, the other red. He'd dismissed it as an illusion. At least he wasn't naked when he woke up, he still had his light brown uniform on, with all the markings signifying his rank.

He now stood alone in this place, hands cupped on the lower part of his back, staring at a blank screen that once gave masses of information on the outside world. Now, it gave nothing. He came to this place because it felt like it would be the safest place to be, only it was lifeless.

And yet not so lifeless.

He heard the faint clanging of boots on metal in the distance. It was coming closer. No weapons for himself, so he waited for whoever it could be, friend or foe. Either way... well, either way, it would just happen. As if an old man could defend himself against a young soldier, the best of the best.

The sounds were close now, ringing in his ears. For some reason, he recognised the presence. Only one person could exude that aura in this place.

"You're late." He said with a smile on his lips.

"Sorry sub-commander," the female voice told him with it's usual energy, "traffic's a bitch today."

"Are you sure you aren't the one who caused it?" The grim humour came with the feeling of a post-apocalyptic world, at least for him.

"Very funny." The female walked up to his left side. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the black skirt, opened red jacket and and a black zip up shirt. Purple hair was the other identifier.

"There's no need to be so formal, you know. This place is going to be disbanded once things are back in order."

"Okay then, Fuyutsuki." She said, turning to him with a smile. "But you're still in charge of this place till that happens. What are you orders?"

"I suppose the first to do is to find the children. Major Misato Katsuragi, I leave that in your capable hands."

"I thought you'd say that. I know just where to start." In reality... a confrontation with Shinji was something she deeply yearned for, yet dreaded.

* * *

The three of them were sat at the kitchen table. Asuka was sat at one end, sharp blue eyes staring into the piercing red pair of Rei. Shinji was sat to the side, glancing back and forth between the two. So far, neither had exchanged any words. Rei sat with an impassive stare, while Asuka was leant forward, single index finger idly tapping the wooden table.

"Asuka?"

"We finished our talk earlier."

"Yes." He shouldn't of spoken. Still, it was amazing how the two of them had gone from a state of wallowing together in their tears, and perpetual understanding; to her practically ignoring him.

"Now, Rei... if that is who you are, how did you find us?" The question was asked accusingly, almost as if it was an interrogation.

"When surrounded by unfamiliar surroundings," Rei said monotonously, answering the question like this kind of thing was normal to her, "it is human nature to seek a place of comfort. Since this is where the two of you have spent almost a year living, it was logical to assume that you would return here first." Rei smiled a little at Asuka, allowing the German girl to narrow her eyes, as if to confirm Rei was smiling. "I must also point out that you neglected to call me 'Wondergirl'."

This was scary... Rei cracking jokes at Asuka. That was an unstable N2-mine waiting to go off at any time.

"If you'd prefer me to call you 'Wondergirl', then I can." The German's glare had no effect on Rei. "I'm just trying to be nice."

"Rei, I still don't understand." Shinji spoke up, looking at the blue haired girl. "If you are here, then shouldn't everyone be back? You were the vessel for Instrumentality, weren't you?"

"... I think... that I am still there." That left both of them dumbfounded. "It's like an echo; I feel as if I am still in the LCL, but that I am here also. But I feel complete at the same time."

Shinji resisted the urge to ask her if she was another clone, created in secret, and had somehow survived Third Impact, unlikely as that was.

"Well, I suppose we should be glad you're back." Asuka sighed, flopping backwards in her chair. "Shinji wouldn't feel right if he didn't have both of us to think about at night. At least now it won't just be me who he-"

"Asuka!" Shinji nearly yelled.

"I see what you mean about _problems_." Rei said idly, causing both Shinji and Asuka's eyes to revert back to her. "Understandable."

"Who died to make you our psychiatrist?" Asuka asked dryly.

"The entire human race – though they did not die." Rei replied in her monotone.

"Wondergirl, you're scaring me."

They sat in silence for a moment. The three of them sizing each other up, as if waiting for the other player to make the first move. This had to be some sort of 'Mexican shoot-out poker' game.

"Erm... I have another question." Neither girl voiced acknowledgement. "Well, perhaps we should find somewhere else to stay?" Shinji said meekly, though his gaze managed to keep flashing between both girls in order to gauge their reactions. "This place doesn't have a lot food, and it isn't exactly liveable."

"I would not suggest moving location at this time." Rei stated. Her gaze moved over to Shinji. "Ikari, you are currently injured, and nearly incapable of walking, especially for prolonged periods."

"For once," Asuka butted in, "I agree with her."

"If anyone from NERV has returned, then they shall be looking for us." Rei stated smoothly. "If no one has arrived to pick us up by tomorrow morning however, we should make for the Geo-front."

"Why the Geo-front?" Shinji asked, confused.

"It should be relatively intact; and since most NERV facilities are underground, there should be plenty of supplies."

Asuka sighed. "Fine; now that's sorted, I'm going to my room. Neither of you bother me; especially you Shinji!" She stood up, and went back to her room, the door opening and closing harshly.

Shinji's faced look like it had been trodden on. She was still shutting him out. Despite the understanding they had reached, she was still forcing everyone around her away. Well, to be fair, he was still doing the same. He wanted to do anything to comfort Asuka, just help her get some small piece of mind for herself. Even working out why she screamed last night would be good.

"She is troubled." Rei said bluntly.

"She had a bad dream last night."

"I was led to believe dreams we're good things." Rei's brow was furrowed in puzzlement.

"They can be bad too." Shinji explained, looking and sounding downcast. "I haven't been able to talk to her about it. She still won't let me help."

"You are not allowing her in either." Rei stated calmly, her analytical approach yet again coming into play.

"I know. I just feel so lost."

Rei let out a small breath through her nose. Shinji was so alone right now, and she could do little to comfort him. She'd try anyway. She stood up and walked around the table, so that she stood behind Shinji. She promptly wrapped her arms around Shinji's shoulders, and placed her chin atop his head. Shinji seemed to go cold as stone. He made no movement.

"A-... Ayanami?"

"I apologise if this makes you uncomfortable." Rei said as soothingly as she could. "My intention was the opposite."

Shinji seemed to relax, releasing a long breath, and a lot of tension too. "Thank you. It's nice to know I can talk to you."

"I shall always be there for you... Shinji."

"Thank you."

They stayed liked that for a while, strangely comfortable with one another, despite all past events. Shinji pondered on how this was so. His brief time in the LCL must have had some impact on him after all. He felt infinitely comfortable around Rei, whereas before he'd been afraid to even think about her. Her collected exterior, her voice, her very being seemed to exude an aura of calm.

It couldn't stop all the thoughts and question whirling around in his head.

"How can I make it up to her?" He asked suddenly.

"I am uncertain." Rei replied softly. "The best course of action may be to simply let her decide when she is ready to forgive."

Silence fell once more. Rei took this time to ponder her own thoughts, and the interactions of her two fellow pilots. Former pilots actually.

Shinji cared for Asuka deeply, that much was clear to her, and he was clearly disgusted with any and all actions that had caused her harm. This puzzled her. Why would he care so much for someone who constantly belittled him, even if it was simply attention seeking on Asuka's part. And yet he did.

Asuka was more of a mystery to her. While it was clear she also harboured a fondness of Shinji, her actions were hardly logical. She also seemed disgusted with him, for the same reason she had that fondness. She seemed to rely on her emotions, and those were hardly logical at the best of times.

And then there was herself. What would she do now? What could she do? Shinji had suggested finding some hobbies once things had reverted to some form of normality, though the concept confused her greatly. Never before had she wished to do something, simply for enjoyment. Enjoyment had once been pointless to her, the concept was alien.

She decided to leave her troubles behind for now. They were trivial compared to his problems. "Shinji, why do you care for Asuka like you do?" She immediately felt him tense and blush.

"I..."

"She seems to constantly hurt you in some way or form, yet you care. Why?"

"Because... Well, partly because I've seen part of who she really is." Shinji explained sullenly. "I want to help her. She's just like me. I feel like I understand her, at least a little."

"That is very true." Rei commented.

"The other reason... I've never really been able to figure out." It wasn't just physical attraction. All he knew was that something drew him to Asuka like a moth to one of those moth-killing electric lights. You knew the danger, and yet you went in anyway, not caring, mesmerised by the light. "I just... care about her."

Rei closed her eyes, digesting all the information. She'd never been able to explain it, but she had heard Shinji scream when he saw the mutilated corpse of Asuka's EVA. In her minds eye, it was as if he'd also seen the corpse of Asuka. That had pained her greatly.

"You know..." Shinji began once again. "During Instrumentality, I think she helped me choose more than anyone else."

"Humans are confusing creatures." Rei said with a small smile, her comment seeming to have to significance to Shinji's statement.

Shinji chuckled a little. "Well, you're a full one yourself now. You'll have to get used to it."

"That is a scary thought." She smiled even more when she heard Shinji laugh rather than chuckle.

Asuka meanwhile, peeked out from her room. The tiniest crack allowing a single, glaring eye to watch the scene. She could hear most of the words too. _Typical! As soon as she comes back, he goes running to Wondergirl. Damn him! _She knew this would happen, it always did. He'd left her alone.

She spun around to her right, and leant against the wall. Her hands balled into fists, and she clenched her eyes shut. _I will not cry! Never again!_ He left her, just like everyone else. She just _had _to allow that one moment of weakness last night, now that would use it against her forever. _Screw him! I've never needed the invincible Third! _He left her.

And despite this, she knew it was herself her brain should be yelling at. She was the one who pushed him away, like always. She had forced him to Rei, like always. She was the one who left him. Had Instrumentality taught her _nothing?! _Well, obviously... But it had. She knew she shouldn't be pushing people away, but that's how she'd lived ever since... that day. And hell, it'd let her survive this long, why stop now?

Why?

Why did she have to be such a stubborn monster?

She heard Shinji laughing again. _Glad you can enjoy yourself, Invincible Shinji._ There it was again, her stupid pride, always blaming others for her own mistakes. She'd pushed him away. She had good reason. It was like he expected her to just forgive him outright.

No he didn't.

He was waiting for her, willing to do anything to make it up to her. And what could she do in return? Push him away.

Her knees gave. She dropped onto the floor, still leaning against the wall, her hands and eyes still clenched as tight as they'd go. She didn't need his help anyway, she could do this herself. It didn't matter how much the isolation stung, she'd endured it her whole life, she could easily endure it from that _wimp_ Shinji. The wimp that was so like her. The wimp she needed.

She hated him for that. She hated that it was his submissive, helpful, gentle, caring nature that repulsed her so much, yet made him so alluring. _Did I ever ask for your help? _No... but Gott she needed it right now. And he was off joking with Rei. She knew it. He only went to her because she was last on her list.

And then there was all the little things, things that had seemed so insignificant before. Now she was alone though, she could think about them, unfortunately.

No more NERV. No more EVA. Her purpose, gone. She'd outlived her usefulness. She was now just a piece of trash to throw out.

And what an ugly piece of trash she was too. Pock-marked scars – indicating the twin points of the Lance of Longinus replicas dotted her torso, stomach and back, and her right arm and left eye scarred too. She'd been scarred for life, signs of her weakness.

And back to EVA. That monstrosity had taken everything from her. Her appearance, her purpose, her mother, _everything! _Put simply, she was a useless, ugly _doll_ that had lost it's luster. She-

"Asuka?"

"What?!"

Shinji stared at down her from the doorway. She didn't move from her position. "Erm... I wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine!" She retorted in a growl, clenching her fists tighter. "I don't need you checking on me every five minutes!" _I'm doing it again. _

"No, wait." She said that much more softly, just as Shinji was turning to leave. "I... Thank you for checking."

"No problem Asuka." He smiled gently at her. "Do you want to talk?"

She looked up to him, eyes widened a little. Then she looked away, glaring at the far corner. "I _thought_ you were talking with Rei."

"I was. But we're done now." He said softly. "If you don't want to-"

"No. I want to." She sighed, her eyes calming. "I'm just tired. Cranky. Plus, what makes you think I've forgiven you yet?" That was said with no hate, which surprised both of them.

"I... didn't." Shinji said sadly. With that he walked out and closed the door fully, gently.

She'd done it again. _Way to go Asuka. I must have a natural talent for shoving people away. _She let out a long breath. It felt good to release like that, even if it was just momentary.

She needed to be alone. She need someone with her, someone to talk to.

_Shinji..._

* * *

Evening now, and things were quiet. They'd been quiet all day. Rei had taken to cleaning up the place, to at least make it bearable for the night. Asuka had stayed in her room all day, demanding that her food and drink be brought to her. Shinji had waited anxiously for Asuka to come out. After his first attempt – an hour later to be precise – Shinji was going to try to talk to her again.

Rei stopped him.

He protested at first, but Rei had replied in her usual logical tone, that she needed this time alone. It would only become a concern should this behaviour continue. He reluctantly agreed. He knew all well the value of time alone could do.

He sat at the wooden kitchen table once more. There was a chill in the air as the sky turned into it's dark blue and black mixture. The stars weren't out tonight, neither was the moon. Clouds had somehow managed to form. On the bright side, that meant not everywhere in the world now had to drink LCL for water.

He glanced over to the door of Asuka's room for perhaps thousandth time that day. As much as he wanted to help her, he had to sort out his own fucked up mind first.

His father... Chances are he wouldn't return from the LCL sea. All this time he'd sought out his acceptance, and nether gained it. Somehow, he didn't mind. A part of him still loved him. He almost laughed at the absurdity of it. Must be genetics. He'd have to meet that head on soon.

Next, his life in general. EVA was gone, which meant his purpose was effectively done and dusted. No more EVA... after nearly a year of nothing but, it left a strange feeling in him.

Then there was the others around him. Asuka, despite the one blip of understanding between the two, she still would not talk to him. He was still worthless Shinji to her. Maybe he was. After all, his primary reason for living this past year had suddenly been wrenched away from him.

_Idiot! You selfish idiot! How hard do you think Asuka is taking this?! _His brain decided to quite literally scream at him. He couldn't imagine how horrible Asuka was feeling right now. EVA had been her life, she could fall into depression again. Another coma. He gasped at the thought. He had to help her... but the fear was still there. The fear of rejection. It still filled him whenever he tried to fight it. Even after Instrumentality, he still feared that one thing. No doubt he would. His only solace was that it wasn't totally gut-wrenching anymore. He was trying, and he'd keep trying to fight it.

But he still couldn't get over himself. Still, no reason had come to him for his hospital visit to Asuka, save one: he was lonely. And his reaction was _that. _He could almost laugh at how absurd it sounded. Almost...

He heard a single door slide open. "You're still up?" Asuka.

"Yeah." He mouthed as she walked over to the kitchen.

"What time is it?"

"No clocks."

"Oh..."

Silence once more. The air around them was still so tense. May as well try to break the ice. "What do you think life will be like, Asuka?" He looked to her as she rummaged in one of the cupboards for food. She looked to him too. "After EVA, I mean." She flinched. _Nice question, Shinji. No wonder Asuka calls you an idiot._

"I don't know." Asuka dead panned. She sat at the kitchen table, holding a salvaged bag of crisps. across from Shinji. "I don't want to think about it right now."

Shinji hummed an acknowledgement, fearing opening his mouth. He did so anyway. "Asuka... Don't leave me alone again." It was barely above a whisper.

"What?" She heard it. "Why would you say that?" She asked almost incredulously.

"Because you're depressed, your shutting yourself off again." He stared at her, deeply.

"Why do you care?" She asked sourly. "I'm not exactly needed anymore."

"That's not true!" He whispered hoarsely. "I need you."

Asuka's eyes shot up at this.

Her face hardened. Her usual defence of anger showing up. "No you don't! You're 'Invincible Fucking Shinji'; the boy that can beat any angel single handed," her tone turned sarcastic, mixed in with the anger, "along with saving all humanity from a life of sludge, and-"

"That's just it!" Shinji said solemnly. A small voice at the back of his mind told him to be quiet. Rei was probably asleep. "I'm not invincible. I can't be alone anymore, neither of us can. I thought we confirmed that last night. Don't shut me out again Asuka... Please. Let me help."

"... Why do you need me?"

"Because I do."

She didn't look convinced. "You _don't._ Now that Wondergirl is here, you can talk to her." She said scathingly. "Anytime something happens you're too scared of, you'll just go crying to her. I'm still last on your list, and we all know what happens then." She couldn't stop taking verbal shots at him. She just couldn't.

"Asuka..." Shinji tried hard, but his voice only came as a meek whisper.

"You don't need me, no one does." She stood up and turned to her room. She walked there, and quickly opened the door to go in. "I'm just a toy that's lost it's luster." She whispered so quietly she could only hear herself.

Suddenly, the sound of the entrance door being forced open was heard. Before either of them could react, a twenty-nine year old woman with purple hair, and wearing a red jacket and black skirt and top entered the flat, quickly finding the end of the scene before her. Asuka was stood at her open doorway, looking extremely down, and Shinji was sat at the table, looking dejected. He did take the time to notice her though.

"Misato?" He asked hopefully.

She giggled a little. "Is any of the beer still cold?"

* * *

_Author Notes: Again, I found it a little difficult, this chapter. Primarily because I don't want Shinji and Asuka to just start suddenly getting friendly with each other. Even after the last chapter, I just don't think it would happen, because they are still both walled up._

_Another thing I've noticed most post-Third Impact fics seem to miss, is Asuka's life in EVA, how it's now over, and how that will affect her. How it'll affect all three of them. Even if Instrumentality helped her in some way, as it did Shinji, it'd be extremely hard to let go of that for her. It was her life after all._

_So anyway, I hope this chapter has been as good a read as the last two for you all, and I shall do the next one as soon as. University work is starting to pick up now, so less free time._


	4. Cry Wolf

_Author Notes: Yep, chapter 4. Again, thanks for all the great reviews and such. _

_Oh, for future notes, the title of this story has been changed. It is now called: "Hope That Guides us, Pain That Binds Us." The reason for this re-name is because I felt the former - "Behind Those Eyes" - name was far too vague, and didn't have much relevance to the story itself._

_Also, I must thank "Ethan Uematsu", primarily for his little critique on my work in this fic. Many thanks indeed for that._

_Now, onto the story._

* * *

"How are they?" Fuyutsuki asked calmly.

"Depends on which one you're asking about." Misato said softly, pain evident in her voice. She was stood in Central Dogma on the sub-commander's left. "They're all fine physically, besides scarring on Shinji and Asuka. Rei seems to be fine mentally too, if a little confused about her life and what she'll do with it. As for Shinji and Asuka..." She gazed into the dimly lit void of the place. "They're taking all this hard. Third Impact, Instrumentality, and before and after; it's hit them badly." Misato continued in a matter-of-fact voice, but that couldn't hide the concern on her face for her two room-mates. "Shinji seems to still hate himself in some way, and I can't figure out why. Asuka's taking life after EVA badly. She might be slipping back into depression. And then there's all the problems those two have that I haven't even figured out yet."

Fuyutsuki gave a small 'hmm' in response. "Where are they now?"

"In the medical wing for the evening; room Two-Zero-Six. It might not be paradise, but it's better than where they were."

"Your apartment." Fuyutsuki smiled knowingly. Oh yes, he heard stories from Doctor Akagi of her household

"Shut you face!"

Around them, thing went about almost as a normal day on the job. Most of the equipment in Central Dogma was now functional, illuminating the room with holographic displays and flashing control panels, along with a few emergency lights. So far, Hyuga, Aoba, and Maya had all returned, all sporting their usual light brown NERV uniforms, and the three person team had taken to intelligence gathering, trying to come up with a picture of the world.

But for the life of them, they couldn't figure out the Second and Third Children.

**Chapter 4  
Cry Wolf**

"You'd think Instrumentality might help them out." Aoba began calmly while pressing any button needed on his control panel, and scanning over the data. "Instead, they almost seem worse than they were."

"Not Rei." Hyuuga kicked in. "I've never seen her more expressive."

"But Shinji and Asuka... They aren't themselves." Maya said quietly, sadly.

"Can't really blame them, I guess." Hyuuga said calmly, trying hard to keep his focus on his work. "I mean, Asuka did get eaten; in a sense, and she was mutilated. I can't imagine such a horrific death." He could almost hear Maya trying to conceal her need to throw up at the memories of that battle.

"Then there's Shinji," Aoba added, "the way he was just before the battle, then with what must've happened during Instrumentality... Hell, it's amazing the two of them haven't suffered complete mental breakdowns because of it. We got off easy compared to them."

She still remembered his scream. It was horrible, terrifying, blood-curdling... That scream, when he saw the mutilated corpse of Unit-Two, was the scream a man who had just lost everything he held close to him. "How can children be forced to go through such things?" Maya asked dejectedly, trying to stifle her own tears.

"That's just the thing. They aren't children." Hyuuga said, sadness tinged on his voices edge. "They grew up long before they should've been able too."

* * *

_Misato..._

When he'd met her, he had no idea what to say to her. He'd seen what she'd called the 'dirty side' of her in Instrumentality, and when he'd seen her come to the apartment, it had been hard just to talk to her casually. _One more thing Third Impact and Instrumentality have screwed up. _

As for reason for taking so long to get to the apartment, from morning to near evening... she got hopelessly lost in NERV. She still had it.

He smiled a little at the thought, but it soon vanished.

He was laid on his back, under the near-plastic, white covers of the hospital bed. That's the problem when your covers are half nylon. At least he was under them up to his waist. From then up, he was uncovered. He didn't mind, the two girls were asleep. He wore nothing but a pair of white briefs he'd managed to secure.

Hospital beds were notorious for being stupidly hot, at least in NERV. The mattresses weren't bad, but they weren't worn to the body shape of a particular occupant. Luckily for the three of them, fresh clothing was in the area. It was all plain stuff, but it would do.

Shinji looked to his left. There he saw Rei, her back turned, apparently enjoying the warmth the hospital bed gave. Only the back of her head was visible, along with her obscured form under her covers.

Funny how the now unused lockers carried clothing that could at least fit them comfortably, without being too big or small. Maybe they just lucked out for once.

He turned his head to the right. Asuka was also sleeping with her back to him, and again only the back of her head and ambiguous form under the covers were visible. She fidgeted every once in a while, apparently unable to comfortable. He couldn't blame her. It wasn't just the hospital beds either, it was because this was a hospital, and he was there too. Her last time in a hospital had been none too pleasant. A coma, and his confession... she must be having deja vu. His last time in a hospital was none too pleasant either – despite how some opinions could be to the contrary. He hated that day, he'd hated himself even as he performed his depraved act. He felt that he'd nether be free of that until Asuka forgave him, and knowing her, that could be a long time coming.

He folded his arms behind his head. It was strange how this ceiling had become so familiar; though all hospitals did look the same if you weren't too picky about details. This could be a ceiling he'd never seen, or seen many times before.

There were other things too. How would his life proceed now? He had no plans, effectively meaning no future. The sub-commander had also said that tomorrow, he'd get anything his father had left for him. It was amazing he'd even left anything for him.

The world was a wreck, his life was a wreck, he was a wreck...

God certainly works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?

_Yes I do. _

He breathed out a long breath. He looked over to Rei again. Even now, she was so serene, even after everything she'd gone through in her life, she was so serene, and she offered that to him as if it was nothing. How could she do it? How could she still be so serene, despite the fact that the purpose she'd lived life for was over, effectively meaning her life was broken too. And yet she still exuded an aura that calmed him greatly.

"Shinji." A soft voice from his left called, whispering just to be sure. He immediately shot his gaze back to the ceiling.

"Yes Rei?" He whispered back quickly, careful not to disturb the redhead to his right. He heard some shuffling from Rei's bed.

"You are having trouble sleeping." Her voice was tired also, but she hid it very well from Shinji. He didn't seem to notice. "Why?"

"I have a lot on my mind, Rei." He replied without looking at her. "And hospital beds aren't exactly comfortable."

She nodded. "I miss my own bed."

"Yeah..." He liked how the conversation had slipped into meaningless things. It calmed his mind, helped to distract him. "I miss school too."

"I do _not_ miss the lectures on Second Impact." Rei countered with a small, reminiscent smile.

Shinji laughed a little. He looked over to Rei. She was still snuggled up under the covers, only her head visible, though now her face could be seen too. He could see her smiling. He liked that. At least someone here could smile. He also found it strange that he hadn't covered himself with the covers when Rei started looking at him.

"Hospitals make you uncomfortable." Rei stated calmly, her smile gone.

"They've always brought me and my friends nothing but pain." He replied, knowing Rei would know what he meant. "Even if they're supposed to make you better in here," his gaze turned back to the ceiling, "bad things always seem to happen in hospitals." Ironic.

He heard Asuka fidget in her covers again, causing his heart to jump. Had he waken her? No, she was just moving about in her sleep again.

"Do you require comfort?"

He felt a little selfish for even thinking of it; but Rei was offering, and even her voice was soothing him. "I would like it, i-if you don't mind." The stutter came from a sudden stab of doubt.

Little did he know, that his and her versions of providing comfort to someone differed. He also wasn't expecting Rei to push the covers off herself, and swing her legs over the bed and stand up, wearing only a plain white bra and panties. This left his blushing profusely, especially when she walked the short distance to his bed, pulled the covers back, and moved Shinji to the right just a little, making room for herself

"R-R-Rei?" Shinji could only stutter, his brain neurons fried.

"I understand that two people can comfort each other by sharing body warmth." Rei explained calmly as she laid down on her side, facing Shinji, and pulled the covers up and over them. Only Rei's head was visible, as was Shinji's head and neckline. "Is that correct?" She gently took hold of his left arm, stroking it almost like a mother would.

_Mother... _"W-Well... erm..." Shinji was still blushing, though it had lessened. "I mean... it isn't entirely appropriate unless you know that person well."

"We know each other well." She said with a small smile. "Instrumentality."

"Y-Y-Yes; but..." He was officially lost. He sighed, and decided to settle in. For some reason, he was suddenly calm again. And he couldn't deny Rei's logic either. She seemed to have an almost motherly effect on him "Sorry Rei. This isn't something people normally do so suddenly."

For a few minutes, they just spent the time lying together, eyes closed, and enjoying the unspoken comfort the other provided.

Rei could not explain this, why she suddenly had a strong urge to comfort Shinji like this. It was, perhaps, the genetics of Yui Ikari kicking in; but a little voice told her that it was of her own doing. He was special to her, he owned a place in her heart that would always be there. But this sudden urge to comfort him, and it had nether been in this extreme. Normally, it was just a simple talk, started by him, where the problems were sorted with words. Perhaps... this was the new her beginning to take shape.

An increased amount of shuffling from one of the beds shook her and Shinji from their half-sleep.

* * *

"You are alone." A little red-headed girl, around four carrying a monkey doll in her right hand by the arm told the older redhead in front of her.

"Yes." She was in her plug suit, sat in a foetal position. She was under a spotlight, bright white, with the little girl on the edge of it.

"You push him away. Why?"

"I have a right to!" She yelled into her knees. "He _fucked_ himself while I was in a coma!"

"He regrets that, and you know it is true." The little girl wore a scowl now, her little voice more forceful than an four year old girls voice should be. "Why won't you forgive him?"

The older one shot her head up, glaring at the young girl. "You think it's that easy to forgive?" She screamed. "And he left me alone against the Fifteenth! He helped Rei against the Sixteenth, why not me?! He left me alone against _nine _EVAs! He won't even hold me! Everyone always leaves me! _He_ always leaves me!"

She was tied to the ground suddenly, still in her red plug suit, splayed out like a five pointed star. She could hear growling coming from the darkness around her. All around her was just black.

"Mama. Help me. Please help me!" She screamed into the black.

A pack of wolves, nine of them, all white, and baring their shining teeth at her, emerged from the black, and formed a circle around her body. She was shaking with fear now, her pupils dilated so much it was hard to see. She looked around as best as she could, spotting at least three wolves lick their lips. They seemed to be smiling garishly at her.

Time froze.

She looked down her legs to see a boy in black pants, and a white school shirt, along with chestnut brown hair. His head was hung low, so low that she couldn't see his face. He was stood about five feet away, stood in an almost blinding white spotlight, almost like she was, though now laid down in it.

"Shinji! Help me!"

"Why?" He asked softly. Against all logic, she heard him, and it shocked her to a stop. "Why should I help you?" His voice became more forceful as his head came up, and he glared at her. "You always hurt me!" A spike that wasn't there was driven into her left eye, blinding it. She screamed in agony, thrashing wildly against her bindings to bring her arms to her eye. "You always call me names!" Her right arm felt like it was split in two, though when she glanced at it, it was still whole.

"I just wanted to understand you, and for you to understand me. I just wanted to help you... But you don't give a _damn_ about me, so why should I give a _damn_ about you?!"

The wolves pounced.

Immediately they tore away the cover of the skin-tight plug suit, and went straight to work at tearing apart her stomach. She screamed in agony and terror, shaking and thrashing wildly. The pain was unbearable, and yet she just couldn't shut it out by going to sleep.

"_Mama!" _With no response from a silent Unit-02 in the background, seeming tiny at the distance, she switched tactics."_Shinji!_ Help me!!" She thrashed her head as she screamed, doing anything she could to buck the nine wolves off her. The sounds of chewing all around her only made things worse.

"No."

"_Shinji!! _Help me! Don't leave me alone!! _HELP ME!!!_"

"Asuka!!!"

Her eyes blasted open, wide as saucers. She could hear and feel her heavy, frantic panting in her chest and in the air. A heavy blanket of sweat covered her. She was staring up at a white ceiling, the dull blue and black hue of night around her. She felt a cold rush of air come over her, the sweat amplifying that feeling. Her covers had been thrown off, leaving only a plain white bra and panties for protection. She scanned left; a wall and a window.

She scanned to her right.

The face of an extremely concerned and worried boy looked down at her, tears welled up at the bottom and corners of his eyes. His teeth were gritted hard, looking as if he was trying to force his tears back. She could faintly feel his hands holding her shoulders tightly.

Her face tightened up, her lips forming a quivering line on her face. Her eyes took control of themselves, bursting from the dammed up river.

"Shinji!!" She flung herself up, wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she possibly could, and pulled him back down as she fell back to the bed.

She cried loudly into his shoulder. She didn't care about Rei, or any doctors or nurses, or anyone seeing her like this. Shinji was here. She didn't care about any past wrongs right now, no matter what they were.

She was scared. He was here.

Twice now she'd had that dream, but only this time had Shinji been in it, or even mentioned in it. It scared her, shook her deep down to the core. Even her other dreams about her mother were not this horrific. She was used to them. This one was new, frightening beyond recognition.

Idly, she felt Shinji settle into a comfortable position on the side of the bed, snaking his arms under her, and holding her tightly. Shinji was here.

"I'm here Asuka." He whispered as soothingly as he could, his own voice nearly breaking under the strain of his tight throat. "Whatever you want, I'll help you."

She had said those things?

For Shinji, it had been a nightmare made real. At first, Asuka went onto her back, her head shaking left and right. Then she began mumbling something about 'help' and 'mama.' The final straw came when she began thrashing wildly on the bed, throwing her covers off and screaming into the room in an ear-splitting scream. Shinji jumped out of the bed, while Rei had run out of the room to call for help. He had held her as her arms and legs flailed and her back arched almost painfully every now and again. Then she began screaming her final line before she woke up.

"_Shinji!! Help me! Don't leave me alone!! HELP ME!!!"_

Now he found himself comforting her once again, holding her tightly as she held him even tighter. It wasn't uncomfortable, surprisingly, but the fact that her frame hid a physically strong girl, combined with her current condition, made for a rather tight grip. For the second time he felt his shoulder getting wet from her tears, his right shoulder specifically.

"Shinji..." Her cracked voice whimpered helplessly.

"Yes?"

"D...D... Don't leave..." She said through strangled sobs.

Asuka squeezed tighter still, as if sensing that he was about to leave her with someone else.

"I won't." He whispered soothingly, sensing her begin to calm.

She continued crying into his shoulder, shuddering due to the contrast of warmth from him, and the cold air. "Shinji, get the covers." She made a feeble gesture to the bed covers, in a small bundle by the side of the bed.

Shinji stood up slowly, sliding out of the red-head's grip, until he was finally upright, and there contact was severed. Asuka stayed in her current position, always keeping her fearful, sea blue eyes on the brown haired boy. He walked around the bed to the other side, and picked up the covers. Fanning and straightening them out, he threw them over Asuka, then guided it down, like a gently falling leaf. The covers half-moulded to her form, air pockets here and there keeping a loose fit.

The brown haired boy moved to the back of the bed, and was about to begin tucking Asuka in, when- "Is everything alright?!" A female doctor burst into the room, her face tired an haggard, and her white coat put on messily over light blue pyjamas. Her brown eyes and short black were also signs of a recent, abrupt, wake up call.

Rei walked past her and into the room.

"It's okay, she was having a bad dream." Shinji told the doctor, motioning to the redhead under the sheets.

"Oh..." The doctor silently cursed the false alarm. "Well... okay..." And she left.

Shinji quietly returned to tucking in the bottom of Asuka's covers. When he looked at her from his position, it was obvious she was already half-asleep. Her eyes were lidded.

"Shinji?" It was Rei's soft voice, on his left. She sensed that he had something in mind.

"I'll be sticking by her bed tonight; just in case." He looked up at her once he was done with the white covers of the bed. "Sorry."

"I see." She did not sound disappointed. "Then I shall stay close to you." She turned around and Shinji watched her walk to his bed, then hers, pulling off the white covers of each bed with ease, leaving the white sheets of the bed exposed. She walked back and smiled, carrying both sheets in either hand. "I believe you shall require one of these." She smiled softly, to which he smiled back.

"Thanks." He took the one in her left hand, and walked back to the right side of the bed. There was a single chair in that room, made of brown wood. Hardly comfortable, but he would bear it. He took it from the corner of the room, and set it next to the bed. He then sat down on it. "Asuka?"

She looked at him, exhausted. "You're staying?" Her voice was hopeful, almost pleading. She pulled her hands out from under the covers, and placed them on top of it.

"I'm staying." He lightly took hold of her left hand with both of his.

She marvelled at how soft his hands actually were. They seemed to project comfort through the fingertips. She found herself staring at his hands, wondering how they could be so soft, how the skin could be so smooth... They were characteristics more associated with the feminine side of the human race... and yet... when she thought about it briefly, Shinji wasn't your typical male.

She smiled at that thought, and in an unspoken thank you.

She watched as a chair was set down on Shinji's right side, a replica of the one he was sitting on. A blue haired girl sat in it, pulling a second white bed cover over her. "Rei?" Asuka couldn't help but be confused, despite overhearing Rei a moment earlier.

"I am doing this for both of you, Asuka." Rei said softly as she straightened the cover over her shoulders. She decided against telling the German girl of her and Shinji's earlier get-together. "You both require comfort... and I also need reassurances." She looked down, a mild blush on her features at her admission, and the stares of the other two pilots. "I am scared of the future."

Shinji stared at her for a moment, before smiling gently. "I think we all are."

"Mmm." Asuka hummed a response resting her head back on the pillow. She honestly felt too tired to do much more.

The only response she got was for Shinji to yawn quite noticeably, and place his head down on the bed's edge, just below her hand. He let his left hand glide down to the other side of his head, leaving his right gripping Asuka's softly. Rei was quick to pull the cover draped over Shinji up to his shoulders, as it had slid down his back a little.

The albino girl then noticed that only she was awake. It was both a surprise and expected. Asuka's ordeal would obviously have left her tired, and Shinji had been unable to sleep.

She hoped that her presence, along with them being closer to each other, was the cause of that. She liked to think so.

Much like the triangle of ingredients that were needed to create or maintain a fire – Air, Fuel and Heat – remove one of the three children from their triangle, and the other two would be unable to function properly, or be able to create anything of significance. The fire would die. They relied on each other for support.

Rei smiled. Widely. For her at least. Then she stifled a yawn with a hand over her mouth, glad that no one was around to see it.

She shuffled herself across so that her and Shinji's chair were now in contact. Careful not to disturb him, she settled her head down onto his left shoulder, and lightly nuzzled her face into his neck. At the same time, she took his left arm, and pulled it to her, wrapping both her arms around it. The arm was down by his side, so it caused no discomfort to him.

All the while her smile nether faded, and she found herself wondering... With no LCL tank, no restrictions, and as a full human, she wondered...

_What would it be like to dream a real dream?_

* * *

_Author Notes: And so we come to the end of another chapter._

_Yes, I know, this got a little bit dark and gory with Asuka's nightmare; but, before you ask why I didn't go into a lot of detail, I direct you to the Evangelion series itself – End of Evangelion in particular, where images of a room might be shown, while all you hear are the sounds of people and acts from that room. (Catch what I'm talking about? One example: the opening scene of End of Evangelion). The power of imagination can be more graphic than something any written word or visual display could conjure up._

_Apologies for this chapter taking a little longer to come up, but University leaves me tired at the end of most days, so often, I only work on Friday's and weekends on this, with little snippets in between. Plus, I do have art and two other fics to juggle along with that, so... yah..._

_So once more, I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter._


	5. The Hand That Feeds You, Needs You

_Author Notes: Once more, we have a new chapter. I'm working on this fic a lot more than the other two I've got running at the minute. For whatever reason... I have no idea. It's probably because I've found Evangelion to have the most intriguing characters I've ever seen; and since this is shaping up to be a very character driven story, well, you see the idea. Still, I'm sure readers of this particular fic aren't complaining._

_So without further ado, here is chapter five._

* * *

She felt warm.

On some impulse, she opened her eyes just a little, and found that she was no longer resting against a pillow. Indeed, she was the wrong way around on the bed, curled up into a foetal position, resting on her right side, and her head on her folded right arm. The white covers were still covering her up to her neck.

Her eyesight fully returned, she slowly opened them sleepily, leaving them half-lidded. Sunlight was shining through the nearby window, making the room seem to glow white.

Then she noticed parts of her body were warmer than others.

She started with her legs, idly noticing she was also resting just behind the edge of the bed, by just over a head's length. A boy with chestnut brown hair was resting his head on the space, which was just enough for him, and facing to the left. A content smile was on his face, and white bed covers were draped over his shoulders. His right arm was draped across her lower legs, hugging them in a way. She trailed down his left arm, finding the hand holding another hand. As she followed this second arm, one with albino skin, she came up to another face topped with cerulean hair. This one was facing to the right, so she'd be looking at the boy were they not asleep. Her left arm was draped just above the top of her head, resting gently on the auburn hair that adorned it, and curving in to gently cup the back of her head.

She smiled gently, and noiselessly mouthed one word. "Perverts."

From the way she was positioned, she knew that her arm would be numb once she woke up. That didn't matter. This was comfortable.

She would've wished for a clock if she wasn't so comfortable.

Even if it was morning or later, she was still exhausted; not to mention so comfortable that she dared not move an inch, lest she lose this snug and cosy place.

Nothing mattered right now. Nothing except this warm. This comfort.

Some part of her wanted to do the same for them, but again, movement would disrupt everything; and they seemed content with how they were anyway.

They both had smiles. She did too.

Her reasoning was flawless. Like always. At least, that's what she would say to others.

Nothing mattered right now.

She let her eyes drift shut, and immediately fell into slumber once more.

Unknown to any of them, someone had been watching... Two people actually...

**Chapter 5  
The Hand That Feeds You, Needs You**

"Can we really let them sleep like that?" A stunned Maya asked as they walked down the white corridor of NERVs infirmary.

"I've not seen them sleeping like that good since... ever." Misato countered with a small smile, the periodic lights on the ceiling flashing over them as they walked. "Well, I've never seen Rei sleeping at all but... I wouldn't want to disturb them."

"No, I mean... um..." The sudden urgency in Maya's voice dissipated as she regained control. "I meant that they are sleeping in the same room... in nothing but their underwear! Pretty much on the same bed!"

Misato just chuckled. "Trust me, if either Rei or Shinji tried anything on Asuka – or each other – we'd here about it all the way up in Central Dogma."

"I suppose."

"I mean Asuka would be screaming so loud if they-"

"Major!" Maya shouted suddenly, face decorated with rosy cheeks. Misato mused that she had apparently misunderstood what she meant by a screaming Asuka.

"Relax Maya." The purple haired woman told the shorter one. "I didn't mean it like that." She both heard and saw Maya breath a sigh of relief. "What I meant was that we'd all gain a new appreciation of the word 'pervert.' Of course, Asuka would probably scream just as loud if they all decided to-"

"Major!!" Maya shouted again, louder this time, feeling almost faint from the heavy blush on her face.

"Relax." Misato waved her hand, as if in a goodbye, to brush it off. "You need to loosen up Maya. Though I can understand why you're so uptight right now." Her mood and face became more serious suddenly. "Any news on Ritsuko?"

Maya's face dropped considerably. She looked away from Misato, down to the bottom of the wall. "She hasn't returned yet."

"Oh..." Her feelings on Ritsuko were mixed. While still her best friend... and perhaps more, she had played an important part in what had happened. Hate and hope. "Well, I'm sure she'll come back soon enough. I don't think she'd want to spend an eternity in the same place as Gendo." With said man no longer here, they neglected the use of rank.

Maya giggled a little. "Yes. I guess you're right."

"Now; what say we sneak back to that bedroom, and hope something happens between those three, eh? Maybe take some pictures?"

"Major!!!"

* * *

A man named Fuyutsuki...

He was sat in what had affectionately become known as 'the chair,' leant back in it. More specifically, the chair Gendo Ikari had once sat in before Third Impact. There was a general consensus, after Gendo's plan was revealed by the sub-commander, that the bearded man would not be returning.

Below his perch, Makoto and Shigeru were busily talking about all the recent events, from the events of Third Impact, to the children, to how the _hell _NERV headquarters was still standing. Specifically, NERV headquarters had resided inside the geofront, recently revealed to be the red moon. The red moon had ascended into space, and had since been either shattered, broken, or magically disappeared.

Closer inspection revealed that; somehow, NERV headquarters had been brought back to a semi-pre-impact state. All the external damage from the detonated N2 mine, battling EVAs, and Third Impact remained, along with many of the upper corridors being sealed with hardened Bakelite. It seemed as if NERV was now residing inside a crater of similar mass, shape, and volume to the former residence of the pyramid.

Idly moving on, he assessed 'the chair'. He'd sometimes heard the bridge crew joke about how 'the chair' had some sort of mystical properties. That it allowed people to have the power over man. In reality, it was just a plain, black leather chair. Comfortable, but nothing special. And yet he felt empowered by it. He could understand the idea.

And he enjoyed these idle musings. Now more than ever. He treasured them.

He heard the lift that led to the lower levels click as it came to his floor. He knew who it was.

"How are they?" He asked without moving.

"Sleeping sound as ever." Came Major Misato's voice, along with a sigh. She walked to his left side, and leant forward on the edge.

Fuyutsuki opened stared at her back for a moment. She definitely seemed troubled. Years spent with the older Ikari had given him some semblance of his old 'friends' analytical mind. As a college professor, that helped things as well. "What's wrong?"

Another sigh. "Shinji." She answered simply. "I don't know what to say to him. We've been avoiding each other ever since I found the three of them, and we've barely spoken ten words to each other." She wondered why she was telling him this. Maybe she just needed someone old and wise to gain the secrets of the universe. "Let's just say I showed him a lot during Instrumentality, and I _know_ he remembers at least some of it. Some of it was... rather personal."

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Quite a dilemma. Something many of us are no doubt feeling in some way." He stood up, and walked the short distance to Misato's side, gazing out to the holographic display of numbers and unusual maps before him. "My advice is this: talk."

Misato snorted and stood straight. "That simple?"

"The most complex of problems can often be solved with the simplest of answers." The sub-commander said levelly. "That's one of the first things I learnt when I was a college student."

"I never did learn much in college." She joked.

"Indeed..." Fuyutsuki left it at that. He didn't need the mental images. "When he wakes up, talk to him. To Asuka and Rei too. I think they'll need it."

"And me."

A small hum from the old man signified his approval at her statement.

Misato let a breath out, seemingly much louder than it should've been due to how quiet this place now was. Though it was probably just her imagination.

Instrumentality... the 'heaven' she'd discovered. All a lie. But for the first time in a long time, she'd been able to show her true self, the self at least part of her wanted to be; even if it had been to the boy she considered as close to a son as possible, without actually being blood related. Hardly an ideal candidate to reveal yourself to.

Her musings took her to the children. The three of them seemed to have been hit hard by Instrumentality, as she had said to the sub-commander a short time ago. But there was so much else besides that.

Asuka: her newly scarred appearance. That would become a big factor for her sooner or later, once all the bigger psychological problems had been evened out a little. And how would she cope with life after EVA, and everything that happened leading up to Third Impact? God knows what she might do.

Rei: how would she handle life? No one to give her orders, as such. No EVA. And her very reason – as the one to bond with Lillith - gone. Her entire existence seemingly shattered in one massive shock wave.

Shinji: his life after EVA. The unresolved conflict with his father. And the problems he seemed to be having with Asuka. The psychological impact Instrumentality and all the events leading up to it had no doubt caused. They were so much more intense than the usual spats they used to have.

Then there was herself.

Her primary reason for living was now gone as well. Angels and EVAs. Gone. Her vengeance fulfilled and satiated... and she still felt absolutely sick about everything. She'd used children, _children_ to destroy them, and most likely ruined there lives in the process. Even at the end, she was willing to throw Shinji out to the lions; even when he was in a ready-to-die state, just so _she_ might have a chance at annihilating the EVA series. She'd u_sed_ them as tools that she worked like wrenches, and now that they were broken, she'd just throw them away and get the newer models.

_No!_ _I'm not like that bastard, Ikari!_

She would not toss them to the wind. She would help them! They were human... Humans so deserving of help that her own problems seemed little more than pinpricks.

"With your permission, I'd like to stay with the children until they wake up."

"Of course." The old man said with a hint of approval in his voice. She heard as Misato returned to the lift that would take her down a level, then heard the lift itself begin it's downward movement. He leant back into the chair. "Did it really have to happen like this Yui? What kind of hell did we unleash upon those children?"

He already knew the answer.

But... did it really have to happen like it had? If not but for the ambition of a few men, they could've had normal lives, but...

It seemed like a hell they needed right now.

* * *

Her eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the intense light of the room. Pure white rooms tend to have that effect.

Reflection.

She saw the face of a chestnut haired boy across from her by only a small distance, still sleeping, still with the cover draped over his shoulders, the one she provided. As she lifted her head up from the fabric of the bed, she noticed that her right hand was held by his left, and that her left arm was curled around the top of a red-headed girls head, resting on the soft hair. She too, was sleeping. Both of them looked somewhat peaceful, though the twitches in their faces told them that they were dreaming something. Hopefully, it was something better for the two of them. At least they seemed to be getting a good sleep.

She smiled softly at both of them.

"About time one of you got up." Quite embarrassed at her inability to detect a fourth person in the room, her head shot around to the corner of the left side of the door into the room, from her perspective. There she saw a purple haired women in a red jacket and a black top and short skirt.

Looking at the floor, Rei smiled shyly. "My apologies, Major." She spoke quietly, as Misato did, to avoid waking the other two children.

"Call me Misato. I think we're a little more familiar than that." Misato said cheerfully yet quietly.

"May I inquire as to how long we have been asleep?"

"One and a half-days; and counting." Misato told her casually. "After everything that's happened, I can imagine why. Especially for them." She looked the two children she was charged with looking after. "... And it's because of me."

Rei lifted her head at that and stared at her inquisitively, as if analysing her now frowning face, her forehead wrinkled, and her arms folded loosely in her lap.

"I was so _stupid_ to not see what they were going through. And I used them! I used all of you!" Her eyes turned to the other side of the room. She was ashamed to even disgrace them with her sight. "Even at the end, I was willing to throw away their lives, just in case it allowed me the pleasure of seeing the EVA series annihilate each other. Even when Asuka couldn't pilot her EVA, I threw her into it, knowing she had little chance of piloting it, knowing that there was all the possibility in the world that she would die!" Misato let out a quiet groan. "Rei, tell me, am I anything like Gendo?" She might not be like Gendo, but she had certainly acted like him in the final hours.

If Rei wasn't who she was, she would've recoiled at the question. Instead, she remained silent, eyes falling to the ground as she contemplated her answer; which as always, would be frank and honest. "You are driven to achieve your goals. That is the only similarity of consequence to the question that I see. But you achieve them differently. Unlike the Co-... Gendo, you are not willing to go to any length, and pay whatever cost." Her ruby eyes came back upward, and stared at Misato, piercing into her eyes like needles. "Plus, you think about others when achieving your goals. During the final battle, you were thinking of them; not of yourself." She noticed the purple haired woman's eyes widen up at that, and her jaw fall slightly. Despite appearances, her quiet voice appeared to have a soothing effect on the woman. "That separates you from him, when in command of others."

"I..." For one of the very few times in her life, Misato Katsuragi was truly speechless. The effect was only added too when Rei gave her a small smile.

"A simple 'thank you' will suffice." The cerulean haired girl restrained herself not to smile wider when she noticed the Major's jaw drop lower.

_She did 'not' just make a joke! _"... I think we need to do some more D.N.A. Tests. You _can't_ be Rei Ayanami!" Misato said half-jokingly, face still flabbergasted. "But..." She let out a breath, at least some of her tension. Regret for her actions was still there; but that would need to be discussed with the other two children. "I suppose now, that leaves you in need of a home."

"No home is currently available for anyone."

"True; but once one does become available, I want you to move in with us."

Rei looked away; turning her chair so that it's left side was facing the bed, and turning her head to the right so she could gaze out of the window, where the light of the artificial day was shining through; hoping too use that light to hide her blush. "I do not think Asuka would approve."

"Not her decision." A finger wave added to the effect of her words. Personally, she was surprised all this talk hadn't woken the other two children up yet. "Besides, I wouldn't mind having another member of the family. The more the merrier. I'm sure Shinji would like to have you around."

Rei considered this; still staring out of the window. _Family..._ The concept seemed both familiar and foreign to her. _Family... _If she was related to Shinji in some way, however great or small or unusual, it made sense to live with him. _Family..._ And even if she wasn't, a nice place to call home, and a family was appealing to her. _Family..._ Much more than it once might have done; once, she would simply ask why. _Family... I have no family. No one except..._

She looked to the other two children on the bed; Shinji and Asuka. She had always felt some sort of unknown attraction to the chestnut brown haired boy; something she could not and still could not explain. A hedgehog that seemed to draw others to him like a lure on a fishing line. A strange dichotomy. While hardly the most likable of people, his meek nature just made him seem approachable; though his other nature – to withdraw behind his spines – tended to keep those drawn to him at a distance. Much like a hedgehog. Meek, defensive, and generally fearful of others.

But Asuka was more of a mystery to her than even Shinji. If he was a hedgehog, she was a porcupine, an armadillo, and a lion combined into one being. The image of such an unusual chimera drew a hidden smile from her. And despite all her defenses and offenses, the meek little hedgehog was at least partially willing to approach, to risk itself to an attack, and attempt to make contact with this fearsome creature.

And in the end, the chimera was simply a hedgehog in disguise. It just defended itself differently.

This time, it was the image of a hedgehog piloting a large, robotic chimera that had Rei smiling to herself.

Perhaps... it could work.

"I... would be happy to move in with you, Misato." Rei stated calmly. Only Misato noticed a slight shakiness to the cerulean haired girl's voice

"Then it's settled!" Misato stated proudly, apparently having forgotten that there were two other sleeping people in the room. Still, it seemed not to affect there rest. "Now, let's go get the papers and sort this out." The two of them stood and walked to the door of the room. The door itself however, was nether opened, As Misato turned her head to her left and looked behind her shoulder. She then proceeded to smirk to try not to laugh. "Rei... clothes."

Rei looked down to her herself still in the plain white underwear she'd been wearing for sleeping in. Clothes were needed in public after all.

And it gained Misato another blush. _Another one I can embarrass to death. Fresh meat! _A quick mental chuckle hid the real truth.

Since Rei had no family to speak of, let alone dead ones, they would be her family.

The problem of Asuka would have to come later.

* * *

If there was one thing he treasured, it was being able to connect with the staff of NERV better than Gendo had ever been able to. Maybe it was just his old age which gave him a seemingly friendly face, but Fuyutsuki was able to have casual conversations with the other men and women who inhabited NERV.

For now though, it was time for business.

Leaning down by the left side of Maya Ikubi's chair, watching as she dexterously typed away on her keyboard as the database searched through the incredible amount of data. It was lucky the three Magi computers were still functional, if now in need of minor maintenance, which could come later.

There search came up negative.

The old man groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his left hand while his right dug a little deeper into the headrest of Maya's chair. "Try searching in Doctor Akagi's files."

Maya nodded. "Yes sir." She began typing away, directing herself to the the password protected area of Ritsuko. _Ritsuko..._ "Sir, if I may...?"

"Any question you like."

"... Well..." This was hardly a question you could ask your superior. But she couldn't ask the woman she implicitly trusted – despite her apparent role in Third Impact – because she wasn't here. "Why did you do this?"

The old man chuckled grimly to himself. "I did say _any_ question, didn't I?" He got no response from the young woman, who was still staring at the screen, but listening intently. "To be honest, I am not asking myself why I helped bring this about, but _why_ I helped bring this about." That earned him a glance from Maya, uncertainty covering her eyes. "I suppose... it was for love. Or rather a childish crush. Tell me, are you familiar with Yui Ikari?"

"Yes sir. Ritsuko mentioned her now and again as one of the founders of the Evangelion program; and that she was the best bio-scientist of her day." She knew things in much more detail than that, but it was hardly an appropriate time to go into detail. "Why do you ask?"

"She was the one who convinced me to join the program." The incessant sound of typing ceased at Maya's console, though continued at the consoles of Hyuuga and Aoba, as she looked to her left and into the eyes of Fuyutsuki. They looked... tired. "And despite knowing what it would one day bring about, I joined the program. I believed her when she said this would make everyone happy; but I did it more to be close to her." A small, sarcastic chuckle. "Can you believe it Maya? An old man like me, getting a schoolboy crush?"

Maya simply stared.

"Well," he continued, turning his head back to the screen that was still running it's search, text running up from the bottom at a fantastic rate; "love – or what seems like it – can make people do some _very_ foolish things. And I am the biggest fool living on the planet right now. In the end, the final objective has come to naught, and look at where it has left us."

"Sir... I understand you reasons." That earned her a glance from the old man as she turned back to the screen, and waited; rather than work to get the search done quicker. "If Ritsuko was here, she would deserve to be punished, correct?" She felt him nod.

She made the connection rather quickly, when the sub-commander had given a brief summing up of the scheme that had brought the horror attack and battle to them. To create clones of Rei, they needed the best in bio-science. And Ritsuko was one of the best around.

"If I could, I would try to help her; ask her why; rather than punish her." She looked down to her keyboard, reading random letters from each key. A nice distraction from the old man's face. "Because I care about her. She is..."

"Special?"

She blushed. "... Yes." She squeaked out so that the other two men in the room couldn't hear.

Fuyutsuki only gave a small smile, then turned back to the screen and wondered why he had been leaning like this for so long. _I should've brought 'the chair' down._ "Bring up the files."  
"Yes." The two of them returned to the professionalism needed now flawlessly.

"Hyuuga, Aoba, I want you two to have a look at this." He heard them both give an affirmative. Since he had briefed the three of them on the reasons, they were all familiar with the necessary information. Now it was a matter of figuring out what was happening now. "Now, compare that to the most recent files."

Maya put in the needed commands, and a comparison came up on screen. "Sir..."

"This is impossible!" Hyuuga blurted out suddenly. "A human just can't alter their D.N.A. like this!"

"We've seen weirder things." Aoba said plainly, looking at his screen with a keen interest.

"Maya, explain." The sub-commander requesting, though said it like an order.

"It's... unusual, to say the least, sir." Maya said with shock edging her voice. "Approximately fifty perfect of her D.N.A. is still what it was before Third Impact, but the rest..."

Hyuuga finished for Maya. "Put simply, Rei seems to have swapped her angel half, taken human D.N.A. from somewhere, and meshed it up with her remaining human part." He knew little about complex biology, but Fuyutsuki's earlier short explanation allowed him, Aoba, and Maya to have at least some knowledge of what Rei was. Or had been.

"So what does this mean?" Aoba asked quietly, turning half way about in his chair to look at the back of the sub-commander.

"If I may?" Maya asked, then continued as if she hadn't asked the question. "We could run a Magi analysis on the D.N.A. sample, and see what comes up."

"Do it." Fuyutsuki stood up, turned to the exit, and began walking there. "Then get some rest. The analysis could take a while. That's an order."

He left the three people of the bridge crew to their idle musings. And muse they did.

"Why are we even still following his orders?" Hyuuga asked suddenly, turning his chair around so he could look at his three friends. He asked the question with no angered disbelief; rather... just disbelief. "He was in on it, so shouldn't we be making a... citizens arrest or something?"

The air guitar hero known as Aoba just shrugged, also turning around to face Hyuuga. "Maybe because he's just old, and you have to respect your elders." When he got no laughs... "Probably because we need him right now; he is the only one alive who knows what the hell happened and why. And... I trust him. Don't ask me why, but I trust him."

"I do too." Maya said suddenly, turning around to face the other two bridge operators. Aoba had done the same a second ago. "He seems genuinely sorry for what happened."

Hyuuga nodded to himself, leaning his forearms onto his legs. "Guess so." He decided to move the topic onto a littler brighter. "You know, the sub-commander told me that Shinji and Asuka were the first ones out. Can you imagine if they were the _only_ ones to come out?"

Aoba stared at Hyuuga, who had a smile on his lips. The spectacled man's tactic appeared to have worked. "You mean... like a new Adam and Eve?" Hyuuga nodded to him. "That's... scary."

"You're telling me." Hyuuga continued on his little joke. "It'd be the end of masculinity as we know it." Aoba snorted, obviously trying to avoid bursting out laughing.

"It wouldn't be so bad. What's wrong with a little more femininity in the world?" Talks long this often occurred between the three of them on long days in between angel attacks. It was a way to pass time, and Maya often enjoyed them. "And besides, you've seen Shinji when he goes berserk; so just imagine what Asuka would do to him." She let out a small laugh. These talks were rarely serious, and this wasn't one of those rare occasions.

"I see your point." Aoba replied casually. "The world would be a very noisy place," he leaned back in his chair as he contemplated the thought of, "little Shinji's and Asuka's running about all over the world. Very scary..."

"The other thing is..."

"Please don't Hyuuga." Maya was also the stabilizer of the talks, making sure they didn't go too far. Still, she could chip in jokes with them. "It's not really an image I want."

"I think I already got one." Aoba put in quietly, visibly shivering. "You can be quite disgusting at times Hyuuga." Ah... an opportunity for a sneaky swipe. _You've walked right into this one, Hyuuga! _"Thinking about doing such things with Misato?"

"What?!" Hyuuga suddenly shouted, glaring at the master of air guitars, and blushing bright red. "I'd never think such things! Especially not about Misato!"

It was times like this Maya was glad her 'love life' was a little more private. Still, time to bring it down. "Don't shout guys, we're still on duty you know?"

"Damn you Aoba..." The spectacled man grumbled. He heard Aoba chuckle in victory.

* * *

He seemed to have a natural talent at running away... or at least, going somewhere without anyone noticing. He didn't exactly make a habit of drawing attention to himself anyway.

Due to a simple lack of personal, and the only other occupant of the room sound asleep, it was surprisingly easy to simply walk up to the plain white door, press the switch, watch it slide open, look back, and walk away while letting the door close automatically behind him.

Only this time, perhaps for the first time in existence, one person did notice him leaving.

It took quite some time to figure out the next course of action to take.

It was _him_ after all.

* * *

_Author Notes: I suppose I should give a quick explanation on this chapter. _

_A lot of Evangelion stories tend to focus heavily on the EVA pilots – Shinji and Asuka in particular – for obvious reasons. Those two are the main characters of the series after all. But for this just doesn't work for me, especially for this kind of Post Third-Impact fic. In Episodes 25-26 and End of Evangelion, we all saw Misato with her own problems, and as for the other characters – Maya, Fuyutsuki, etc... I like looking at side characters too, they're interesting... Put simply, it made sense to me that if Shinji, Asuka, and Rei all came of of Instrumentality with new problems to face, then wouldn't the others have some too? It makes sense. (Let's face it, this fic is just an excuse for causing yet more anguish, pain, and suffering to our beloved characters. Gotta love it!) So I shall most likely continue take more looks into some of the more secondary characters in later chapters. As to when, I don't know. (Misato isn't a secondary character as such; but you get my meaning.)_

_So I hope you all enjoyed the look at the less popular characters – I'm pretty sure you did, Bert the Nomad, lol (I read your profile!) – and the next chapter shall be ready... when it's ready._


	6. Broken Compass

_Author Notes: Having recently read "Evangelion Re-Take", (an excellent doujinshi! If you can acquire it, I throughly recommend it!), I've been given an inspirational boost to work on this Evangelion fanfic of mine. Recently acquired some new music too, in my opinion has also helped. (I listen, I get images for AMV's in my head if I think it suits the characters, story, etc.)_

_And I'm glad to see many of you – at least I know those who reviewed did, hehe – liked my look into Misato; and more importantly, the 'bridge bunnies' and Fuyutsuki._

_All hopes that you enjoy this chapter._

* * *

He was stood in a room, a spotlight shining on him from an unknown source, and bleak black all around him. The room seemed too large to hold this one person, but the inky darkness gave the room a choking feeling. 

A mirror was in front of him, at a distance of only a foot, standing on ground level with no supports, seven feet tall, the frame a simple binding of bronze coloured metal, with no patterns.

The mirror reflected nothing but the black around him.

Until...

"I... am number one." His father was looking back at him behind from behind his tinted spectacles, hands crossed behind his back as he glared down at his down at his son. The mirror did not distort his height, but he still seemed so much taller. "I am the driving force of you life, Shinji... hatred. I drive you on, and I will consume you."

"I won't become you!" He screamed at his father.

Shinji watched the image fade suddenly, and then the mirror reflected nothing but black once more.

Until...

"I am number one." Asuka. She wore her distinctive red plugsuit, the number '02' marked on her chest, and her skin was no longer scarred, She was as she was before Third Impact. Her voice was mocking and overbearing. "I am the thing you want most in life, but are too afraid to work for." She lent forward, her hands on her hips, and a scathing grin on her lips.

Shinji was truly scared now. If there was ever a time he wanted to run, it was now; but he couldn't move. It felt like he was stuck, and could only stare and bring his arms half way up to his face.

"So instead you just _wait_ for someone to hand it to you on a silver platter. It doesn't matter who you get it from... If it's from me." She faded away, as an image of Rei in her school uniform – the dull green skirt and straps and white shirt underneath – appeared in front of him to take Asuka's place, hands cupped in front of her. Her stare was what it once was; near blank and impassive. "Or me." Rei faded, and his mother replaced her, her face soft and gentle, and her chestnut brown hair in the same style as Rei's. She wore a white lab coat, a black skirt, and a blue shirt. The glaring eyes of Evangelion Unit-One were looking at him from behind her. "Or me." She faded, and Misato replaced her; wearing her black dress with red jacket, arms folded over her chest, a teasing grin on her mouth. "Or me." She disappeared now, only to be replaced by a red eyed boy with grey hair, and with a knowing smile that never seemed to leave... Kaworu. "Or even me." And then he faded away.

Asuka returned. "Face it Shinji, it doesn't matter-"

"It does matter!" He shouted pleadingly at the mirror, his mind berating him for even doing so. "I don't want _that_ kind of love from just anyone!"

Asuka didn't stay to hear any more of his cries. She simply faded away as his father had done. He hung his head low, showing the mirror looking at him the top of his head. He didn't want to see anymore.

"_I _am number one." His head shot back up, only to see himself grinning back at him, rather than the shocked face he wore. The mirror image of himself brought his right hand to his face level and pointed his thumb at himself, being sure to let his face be clearly seen. "I care for _no one_!" It sounded like him, but the voice carried so much more malice and cruelty than his ever had.

"That's not true!" Shinji cried out once more. "I care about Toji, Kensuke, Hikari, Rei, Misato, Asuka-"

The mirror image simply folded it's arms and chuckled at him. "No you don't. You only love yourself... if that." He shrugged. "But I can't blame you, after all..." He once more lifted his right arm to the side of his head as he lowered his left, his index finger and only his index finger standing upright. The voice was made only crueler as it made a half-hearted attempt to sound nice."... You're just looking for number one."

Shinji roared as loud as he had ever done in his Eva, and threw his right fist at the mirror. The mirror shattered with a satisfying sound,he stood there, looking down at the ground once more as the shards drifted away as if caught in the gravity of the moon. He panted hard, his sudden exertion leaving him unusually tired. Pain suddenly throbbed in his right palm. Reflexively, his let hand gripped his right wrist, and he brought his right hand up to look at the palm, and he saw globs of blood all over his hand, from his fingers to the top of his wrist, and more seemed to seep through non-existent cuts and scrapes on palm adding to the blood that was already there. Only it wasn't the usual colour of blood.

He was bleeding white.

He looked into the darkness in front of him, hoping someone would come to save him.

He only saw someone who was as high as his stomach, the silhouette becoming clearer and clearer as the person neared. The pain in his hand suddenly gone and forgotten, his hands lowered to his sides as he took one feeble step backwards, face frozen in sheer panic, even as he pleaded feebly to the little person to stay away. "No... not you..."

He stepped into the light with Shinji. "_I..._ am number one." It was himself as a small boy, aged four. "The original." He was wearing a pair of dull blue shorts and a white top with dark green horizontal stripes.. His face was formed in a scowl as the little boy looked up at the older Shinji with obvious disgust. "Did you really think that this would all end in a fairytale-happy ending?" The little boy's voice raised to a loud shout; at least for his age and size. "_Did you?!"_

"_NO!!!"_

The boy lowered his voice to a more normal tone. "You just sat there and let her die!"

"What could I have done?!" Shinji screamed back.

"_Tried!!" _The younger version of Shinji began walking in a clockwise circle around Shinji, as he lowered his eyes to stare at the ground, not wanting to look at himself. "You _say _you care about them; about her, and when the time came for you to try and stop it all from coming to pass; you sat there and waited to die."

"I tried..." Shinji retaliated meekly, his counter having no effect and he knew it. "Once I was in the Eva-"

"Once you were in the EVA." The four-year old Shinji interrupted – completing one circle and beginning another – with a mocking, angry tone. "What about before? Crying to Asuka, do your thing, then when you finished with her you went to wait for death; much like you've waited for someone to _give_ you love." As the boy finished another circle, he came to a stop in front of Shinji, walked up to him and stood under him, and stared daggers up into his clenched eyes. "Is that why you liked angel boy? Because he _gave_ you love and asked nothing in return? How did I ever become _you?_"

"He..."

"... Maybe he did care about you, at the end." The smaller chestnut-haired boy's eyes narrowed. "Shinji, you truly are just a lost little boy!"

**Chapter 6  
Broken Compass**

Would a boat sailing on this sea hurt the people still contained therein?

A rather simple, and quite pointless question to be sure.

It was a funny thing really...

Despite always being alone and building walls to make sure he was never hurt by people, he wanted to be near to those same people. And yet after coming to some form of enlightenment, here he was, _wanting_ to be alone so that he could think.

Think of important things, pointless things... many things.

The half-face of the former Rei Ayanami that stared back at him was beginning to dissolve. The effects were subtle right now; little bits of decay here and there on the skin, turning it a grim, shiny black; like some strange form of acne. And while it may not have been looking directly at him, that single, blood red eye seemed to be looking at him, through him, and into him. Put simply, it knew him. Perhaps better than he knew himself.

And right now he knew nothing.

Shinji Ikari was lost at sea.

His plain black pants were now becoming quite uncomfortable, soaked with damp sand; and the white t-shirt was too loose, letting the cold wind from the blue sky hit his skin. Only the white trainers and socks he wore were comfortable right now. And yet he did not shuffle from his position on the grainy piece of land; knees folded up to face level, arms folded on top of them, and his tired eyes looking out over them. Misato's cross was still nailed to the wooden log, buried in the sand at the edge of the 'water'. It seemed like some sort of signal fire now, rather than as a crude grave for all those now gone.

His hands were the things that stood out.

_With these hands..._ Yes. He did done many things with his hands. Good things were the things that stood out to most: killing angels, protecting people... And yet he had also performed acts that would earn him a healthy jail sentence in a normal world.

What he hated... was that in those acts, some part of him enjoyed the actions.

Oh sure, he regretted them immediately afterwards, but does that take away from the act? _No. It doesn't. I don't know how anyone can even look at me right now._

Because most of them don't know. That is why.

_Just once... Say you'll forgive me._

"So this is where you ran off too." Shinji turned his head left and looked behind him, to see the owner of the familiar voice that called to him, though it sounded passive. Asuka was wearing loose fitting blue track suits pants and a loose yellow t-shirt, along with black trainers. She walked up to his left side and sat down on the sand a foot away from him, her legs spread out in front of her, and leaning her weight backwards on her hands and arms. "And you're supposed to be able to run away without anyone noticing till it's too late. You certainly made enough noise on your way out."

She stared out to the half-face of the former Rei, her face and eyes passive, as if she was unsure of what she was doing or why.

Shinji stayed quiet, returning his gaze to the half-face that grinned at them as if mocking their situation, their problems... everything. "Why did you come here?"

"Misato's bound to get worried about her little Shinji." Again her voice was passive, lacking any mocking edge it might once have carried. "So I'm here to bring you back. ... When you're ready to go." She looked at Shinji's face as his mildly surprised face turned to her. She gave a small smile. "I know what you're going through Shinji, I am too; so we can stay here as long as you like."

The chestnut haired boy's face returned her smile. "Thank you."

They returned their out to the 'sea', and stayed quiet for... a time. How long, neither of them knew, but it was a comfortable silence; both of them trying hard to sort out many warring emotions, feelings, problems... a lot of things.

"Asuka, do you hate me?" His voice was small; he almost hoped she hadn't heard him. He felt her face turn to look at his. He just looked down into the sand between his legs, unable to look at her.

"Where did that-

"Do you hate me?"

She was quite simply shocked, so shocked that she couldn't reply immediately; she could only stare at the side of his face as he waited patiently, for her answer. _What kind of dumb question is that, after everything you've done to me..._ Her train of thought ended. Recognition dawned on her, and she too looked down into the sand, now leaning forward and resting her arms on her thighs. So many grains of sand. People were like grains of sand... Alone, insignificant. _Do I hate you? You, personally... or just... things you've done to me; like destroying my trust in you? Gott Shinji, why did you have to do that? Why didn't you help me?_

"... Yes and no." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shinji's face, his mouth agape as he prepared to ask about her answer. She beat him to it. "I hate you because of the hospital... thing; and that when I fought against the mass produced EVA's," she gripped her lower pants legs as she began to seethe from hearing her own words, and remembering everything he had and _hadn't_ done, "you did _nothing!_" She could almost swear she felt the air around her move as Shinji flinched. Physically or mentally? She didn't know. "The one time I admit that I need your help, the one time I _wanted_ you to help me... and you just sat there and did _nothing!!_"

"I..." He tried to think of an answer. Any answer... "My EVA... was buried in bakelite; I couldn't-"

"You could've shouted at the damned thing!!" The redhead roared at him as she finally turned her head to the right to see his face. Shock, horror, and a heavy dose of guilt was painted all over his body. He seemed rather like a person caught in the path of an N-Two mine, as if everything flash in his brain in an instant. "Even if you did just that it would've been better, because you would've tried to_ do_ something! Instead you sat there and waited for someone or something elseto do something about it, or for death to come to you! At least when I wanted to die I went and _did _something about it!!" As her mind replayed those words to her, it shocked her that she sounded... almost proud that she had said that; even if it was just to take a shot at him. _Am I really that pathetic?_

Her head shot back down to face the sand between her legs, as she felt that her grip on her pants could tear the fabric at any moment. _Why can I only cry in front of you?! _She fought back the tears before they reached her eyes by scrunching her eyelids shut, then opening them again, keeping them dangerously narrow.

"That's just like you Shinji," the redhead whispered this time, but her voice carried no less spewing venom, "waiting for things to just come to you on a silver platter."

His eyes widened as far as they could, and he almost fell backwards onto the sand. He wanted to run away again... as far away as he could. ...But he didn't.

"_Is that why you liked angel boy?" "I am number one." "It doesn't matter who you get it from..."_

_The dream..._ It was still clear to him...

"And yet... I can't hate you." Asuka continued softly, much of her anger now off her chest for the time being. She stretched her legs out , then placed them onto the sand again. "I can only hate things you do and don't do." He remained silent, so she continued, ignoring the confusion splashed on his face. The strange warmth and shelter EVA Unit-Two could give seemed very appealing right now. She felt so vulnerable. "I hated that you beat my sync score so easily when you'd only had such a short time in an EVA, and I'd spent half my life getting to where I was! I hated that you beat angels so easily, sometimes by yourself. After the fourteenth, I wanted to hate you... I couldn't keep hating you; just that you were beating me. I knew it wasn't your fault, that you weren't doing it to hurt me. Even after the fifteenth..." She shuddered at the memory; that event still gave her nightmares too. "... when I said I hated everything... as I lay in that bathtub, I found that I couldn't hate you. Even now, I can't keep hating you."

"Asuka... I..."

"I know you're sorry. You should be." She sucked in a breath of fresh air, and released it in a long sigh. "It's because you're like me Shinji; and it's because you care about me." She looked at his face once more again, seeing the intent look in his eyes, as well as recognizing the look of care and compassion. "And that scares me." She added that as something extra; something more she needed to tell him. "You don't care about 'Asuka, the ace-EVA pilot', or 'Asuka, the super-smart college graduate', or 'Asuka, the prettiest girl in school'... You care about _Asuka_." She placed her head into her left hand, her right going tenderly over her heart, with both her elbows leaning on her legs. She felt throughly drained of energy. Her voice was almost so quiet so as not to be heard. "Not since Mama died... no one has cared about me like that since then."

Recognition came over Shinji's face. "I... I know what you mean. They only cared about what they could use us for." He hesitantly shuffled an inch closer, but not chancing anymore. His voice was soft-spoken as it normally was. "You know, there are times I've hated you as well." Asuka's face came up slowly as she rested her arms on her knees, and looked at him with a mildly surprised, but also a knowledgeable expression. "You always treated me like dirt. Like I was like a lower life form or something. But... I could never hate you; especially not now." He sent her a small smile, almost a smirk. "Trust me, I've tried."

A silent moment passed as their brains processed the assault of information, both of their functions dulled from unexplainable exhaustion. It was strange that such a release of pent up tension and anger could have such a draining effect on the body.

Asuka gave an almost playful smile to him. "At least you're admitting it now; rather than running off to a corner."

Shinji gave a nervous chuckle. "I guess all this has had some small, positive effect?" He hit himself with a mental fist, thinking that was a stupid thing to say.

"Maybe..." The redhead whispered, her smile fading into a level face, turning her gaze out to the LCL sea once more. She sensed him do the same. "I really don't know much about anything anymore. But one thing I do know – that I've already told you, and you me – is that I don't want to be alone anymore."

He nodded, but said nothing. He could feel that she was tense, as if she was about to say something that she'd never said before, or only very _very _rarely.

"Shinji, I'd... like us to be there for each other." Their heads turned to look at the other once more; a strange reminiscence from the sync training, perhaps. "I don't know where our relationship will lead; whether we'll only talk occasionally to each other, become good friends, or... get together. I just know that I'd like us to be around for each other; help each other."

"Like a shoulder to cry on?" She nodded in reply to his question, her sky blue eyes looking almost... cloudy. "So... does this mean... you... forgive me?"

She gave a small breath from her nose as she considered it. Again, she looked back out over the 'sea', and blinked once. It seemed strangely interesting, since both of them always came back to looking at it. Something about it's colour, maybe? Or perhaps... "Maybe... I think... But," she added in quickly before any kind of over-joyous celebration, "you've still got to get my trust back."

To be honest, Shinji couldn't really expect anymore than that, so he promptly nodded a few times in quick succession; and contained any mild celebration he'd perform for later.

The first comfortable silence in months managed to settle between them. It was something he truly liked. He'd never realised how calming the quiet could sometimes; he'd always had his SDAT in his ears, and able to turn it up to full volume to drown out everything else. But now, the sound of the 'sea' against the sand, the gentle breeze that seemed to be slowly arriving... It was lovely.

He glanced over to Asuka, and saw her doing the same. His mind began wandering again, thinking about things. She was the first one to return after him. Perhaps they had even arrived at the same time.

Why?

Wouldn't she want to stay where there was no pain? His life was truly bad, but hers was worse; and for the longest time he'd always thought he had it worse. Was it some wish of his, to have someone to love in whatever way? Or was it her own choice?

He didn't ask her though, despite his curiosity. He turned his gaze back out to the sea. This silence was... nice. Rewarding in a sense. For some reason, he wanted to make it last. He was... enjoying it.

Strange.

Foundations... Bricks...

He smiled softly to himself. Things finally seemed to be getting better for them. Things were finally beginning to work out.

"Shinji?" Asuka said absently.

"Yes?" He answered softly, keeping his gaze out at towards the sea.

"Did you ever... see your mother?" She felt Shinji's soft, dark blue eyes fall on her. She felt suddenly weak. "Inside your EVA, I mean. Did you ever talk to her too?"

"... I... yes." Asuka's own sky blue eyes met his, seeing his expression as one of bewilderment. Why would she ask this now? "Two or three times, at least."

"I did too." She smiled gently to him. "During the final battle. She was so kind, caring... like mama should've been."

"Your mother's soul was absorbed by the EVA, right?"

"Yes. Not her body though, so..." She looked back to the LCL sea again. That was why it was so interesting. "... She lost her mind; and you know..." She trailed off and shivered slightly, not knowing if it was the breeze or the residual yet still fresh memories. "But, I wonder... if she's in there now."

Shinji's eyes widened a little, then became gentle and understanding. He knew why she was considering such things. "If she is, Asuka, I hope she returns to you." Asuka looked at him again from the corner of her eye, mild confusion painted on her. She'd noticed the pained tone of his voice. "My mother is up there." He looked into the sky, where God reined. "Still inside Unit-One."

She seemed so lucky right now. "Shinji, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, Asuka. I'm happy. I was able to get to know her again." _She... apologised. _Then again, she had recently done it before. It wasn't a new thing for the present; but it seemed so alien, coming from Asuka.

It was pleasant.

It was then Asuka realised she had to know something, something that she didn't know, but he might. "Shinji, did your mother ever tell you why she did any of this?"

Shinji looked at her again, then smiled as he looked down to the ground. It was his usual, sheepish smile. "She said that she did this so I could be happy. She did it for me."

"Happy?" She muttered it out, suddenly forced into pure shock. _Was that mama's reason?_ She looked to the sand in front of her feet, and muttered the word again. "Happy?" _It wasn't her choice to go into it, was it? Even if it wasn't... But once she did go into it, she could've... _Was she involved from the beginning? Her eyes narrowed, her hands resting on the sand closed into fists, creating a small sound. She whispered the word this time, venom dripping into her tone. "Happy?" She stood as Shinji watched her in confusion as she let the sand collected into her fists drain out between her fingers like an hourglass running down to time. He remained seating as he looked up to her, barely able to see her face as it seemed to contract into a tight ball.

It was then she roared...

"_HAPPY?!?!?!"_ The chestnut haired boy was nearly thrown onto his back by the sheer ferocity in her voice, even as she continued to rage at the LCL, or the giant half-face of the last Rei, or... "Well let me tell you something, mama!! I would've been perfectly happy if you'd just stayed away from it, stayed alive, and led a normal life!! _Then _I would've been _happy!!!_"

Shock cascaded all through Shinji as the fiery redhead turned and walked away, even as he caught light glistening off her cheek for a brief instant. Then it dawned on him...

_She's right._

_If the EVA's could re-activate without battery power, if the souls inside them could take control... they could've... she could've..._

Prevented all of it before it even began.

And they sat there and let it happen. Like he had.

So the children could be _happy_.

Do they look happy?

Yui? Kyoko?

Do they look happy?

"Damn you." Shinji's voice was a harsh whisper, rasping almost. He said it again, it a much harsher whisper. "Damn you!" He stood up, and his right hand began it's usual motion of clenching and relaxing. Normally it was a nervous reaction. This time, it was a reaction of anger. "Damn you, mother!"

He looked to the sky, his dark blue eyes full of intense... He had never thought it possible that he could hate her. It seemed so strange, and yet it felt so right. And why? Was it for him; that he could've been perfectly happy without her risking everything on making him happy? Was it for Asuka as well?

Anything he'd ever felt for his father felt insignificant.

He didn't roar or scream or cry to the heavens. He merely spoke it softly, but with no less malice than Asuka... one of only few who understood.

And only she understood fully.

... Understood anything.

"Damn you mother... I _hate_ you!"

* * *

_Author Notes: Bet you never thought you'd here Shinji say **that**. _

_---Insert world turned on head here--- ---Again---_

_But lets face it, if you found out your mother disappeared – by choice or not, that it was all part of a plan to 'destroy' the world in order so she could make you happy, and then realise you could've been perfectly happy if she'd never gotten involved in the first place, and she could've stopped it all to begin with... you'd be pretty miffed at her as well; especially for them. (To put it mildly.) And that's an issue I wanted to look at, and shall continue to do so. Something I think has never been looked at before, as far as I know._

_And I'll just quickly explain why I'm not putting dreams in italics or marking them out in some way, like most stories tend to do. This comes from an influence of Philosophy actually, which I'm currently studying at University, (can't remember which philosopher specifically said this) – and that is that when we experience dreams; they seem real. _

_**When we have a dream, the dream is our reality. **(Evangelion also goes into this somewhat.) I want(ed) to portray that, and shall continue to do so. Makes things sufficiently disorientating, I think. Lol_

_Yes, they are **slowly** working towards forgiveness, helping each other, etc. Emphasis on **slowly**._

_And yeah, not much actually happened in this chapter in a sense, I know. I wanted to focus on this single event._

_And as usual, all hopes that you've enjoyed this chapter. (Bleh, long ending author notes!)_


	7. Growing Up

_Author Notes: To be honest, I was a little scared – just a little – that some wouldn't like my interpretation of the mothers of Shinji or Asuka; since it seems to go against what so many other fanfics portray them as: innocent victims of the ambitions of SEELE. They are innocent in a sense, but I've always had a nagging feeling that they could've done something to save everything before it even began, (We wouldn't have Evangelion then, (NOOO!!!), but... heh... this is fanfiction!), and Yui was basically one of the masterminds it seems; and the mothers could certainly have done more to help their children._

_Just before we begin, I'd also like to point out that in the future this story rating could go to an M rating. Not for a lemon; since this site doesn't allow them, but with the ideas rolling around in my head, and the direction I'll gradually take this story in – from my projections it's going to be a bloody long one, my longest I think – well, you get the idea._

_And so, before I make these opening author notes too long, here's to chapter 7. Enjoy!_

* * *

There were many things in this world that confused her, and continued to do so.

Love. Compassion. Apathy. Anger. Jealousy. The list goes on.

They were all confusing because she had not experienced them in her life, and so she only had a small amount of knowledge on how to act or react when she felt them, or saw someone feeling that.

As she looked up at the night sky, she noticed a tiny glint of light on the left side of the moon. It had been their last night as well, though all but obscured by the glare of the moon and the gradually dispersing streak of blood that cut the sky like the blade of a scythe.

It was dimmer than before.

It was perhaps why Shinji confused her the most of anyone. Because he was the first to truly show any real sense of care towards her. Then the Second Child... no, Asuka was beginning to show this too, as was the Major... Misato.

She placed her right hand on her heart, feeling the heartbeat and... something else.

In a way, the glint of light that now circled the moon was her mother as well.

Their anger strangely made sense. Because of what that person had done to Shinji, and because of what the other one had done to Asuka... She felt...

Hate.

_How can you hate the one who gave you life?_

**Chapter 7**

**Growing Up**

Misato groaned.

It was typical policy for any group or company, and this included NERV.

Absolutely no alcohol to be drunk when on duty.

Not that she had any with her or that there'd be any around anyway, but she wanted one. Just one. Just one to help her continue. Coffee was becoming so... _normal_.

A trickle of refugees had begun to appear from the LCL sea. Only a few

Before, seventy-five percent of the world was water. Now, it was seventy-five percent LCL. And this of course brought about for what few NERV employees available to work had to work double, triple, and coming up for some; quadruple-shifts to help the new arrivals. Give them shelter, food, and some fresh clothing if there was some available that fit comfortably.

Contact had recently been established with the other five MAGI systems; and for all the major world countries at least one member of government had returned and was trying to direct resources to the best of their ability. This also included Japan.

As for the time being, an order had been sent from the Japanese government: to provide shelter to any and all newcomers; an investigation would come once the situation was stabilised, and the MAGI predicted that the situation would fully stabilise in a month to three months, with a re-construction effort beginning at that time. While now looking like a post-apocalyptic wasteland, Tokyo-Three was salvageable at the very least. And if the politicians deemed it too costly, it could always be melted down for scrap, and it's other materials used for less costly repair endeavours.

Funny how that look of being blown to pieces with an N-Two mine could be mirrored in humans.

As for the effects of Third-Impact itself, the primary damage had been caused to coastal cities, the huge explosion causing many tsunamis throughout the pacific. The pacific islands had been all but destroyed and sent underwater... under-LCL rather, with only a couple of the more mountainous ones remaining above sea level. The West coast of the America's and the East Asia coast were the main areas to be hit. Europe and Africa had lucked out, only taking minor hits to their shores in comparison; due to the simple factor of distance from the epicentre. Japan's eastern coast was also hit hard, with Tokyo-Three and the surrounding area obviously being hit the hardest.

Ah... but the problems of the world are so trivial when compared to those of the one.

Misato dropped into Hyuuga's chair, the three 'bridge bunnies' as they had affectionately come to be known, on a break. The Major leaned back and groaned loudly. Her back ached, her feet were sore and sweaty and gradually being turned raw from sweaty socks; her joints creaked, and her heart wrenched.

She'd learnt to pick up on the signals.

The faces... the body language... anything like that.

After all, they were her children... in a sense. And they were clearly angry and hurt. _What else is new?_ Misato joked dryly to herself, her little attempt at humour failing to lighten her mood; though not meaning any insult to the children. It just seemed like new problems were cropping up everyday – or even every hour – for them. By the time one was solved, two or three new ones had already popped up to add to the ones already there.

They were clearly angry and hurt. And what was just a little scary was that it wasn't at each other. It was almost like they... _agreed_ on who to be angry at. She'd been told they'd talked to Rei about it, since she was currently the closest one to them.

Despite her talk with Rei, some part of her still feared what the children would actually say to her. Would they accuse her of sending them to their deaths? Would they even treat her the same as before?

It struck her.

She was running away from the two of them.

What's more, this was deja vu! It was due to lack of communication that they'd fallen apart before.

If she wasn't already damned, she would be if she let _that_ happen again.

Stiffly standing to her feet and groaning with the quite extreme effort, she began walking towards the door. Her shift had just finished by her watch – admittedly set half an hour later not two seconds ago – and she had one purpose in mind right now.

Hopefully she would not loose her way in the labyrinth.

"Hey Major, where are you going?" A puzzled Hyuuga asked as they crossed paths by the door that led to the corridors, that led throughout NERV.

She was the parent. They were her children.

Misato's reply was firm. "To find my kids!"

* * *

Fuyutsuki had taken up residence in his former pupil and commander's office, sorting through what documents were left inside the bearded man's desk. He knew that Gendo Ikari was not one for lavishness. The office was plain: plain dull grey walls with the only illumination coming from a light of blueish-white source that stretched across the entire wall behind him, creating the effect of shadows emerging from the dips and rises of the human face. Even more so for him, due to the wrinkles that adorned his face. The only real decoration was the engraving of the tree of life into the floor. The room was also abnormally large, considering that at it's maximum usage during the angel wars it had only held four people, and normally only held one man and his desk. This place, in reality, could hold a small party.

Gendo was a master of psychology – intimidation mostly – that much was clear.

He placed another sheet of text onto a growing pile to his right he'd recently designated as 'useless'... and another sheet onto a second pile in front of the first, labelled as 'personal'. Many of these documents were either his final thoughts in those final days pre-empting Third Impact, budgets concerning the repairs of Units One and Two in those same days after the seventeenth angel; along with some minor modifications to Unit-Two that had taken place just prior to the final attack in conjunction with it's repairs. All the budgets were now no longer needed. No more EVAs, after all. The personal notes mainly talked about Yui, how he was looking forward to getting her back... and even a little bit about Shinji, how he seemed almost... sorry... for what he had put his son through.

That was strange indeed. But since they were personal, he only glanced through them. Only one person in the world was allowed to read these, and he was in no condition to do so right now.

What would she be thinking now? The glorious future of mankind, ended. Perhaps happy? Yes... definitely happy.

With his left hand, he used the fingers to rub his forehead, moving the skin about in a vain attempt to relieve his tired mind and pounding headache as he quickly skimmed over another budget sheet.

Now he knew why the bridge crew liked their coffee so much.

It had come to this...

It hadn't come through yet, but he'd sensed the distaste in the politicians voice over the phone. In six months time at most, he would most likely be executed in a truly vengeful way. And funnily enough, he hoped it was a by a firing squad. Maybe all this time at NERV had turned him into a soldier. After all, he'd taken part in the 'genocide' of the entire human race. If they could, the top dogs of the world would kill him, bring him back, kill him... and so on and so forth until they felt satisfied.

So, may as well make the best of the time he was given.

The phone in one of the drawers began to ring; he'd recently placed it there himself and had it hooked up. He wouldn't be as isolated as Gendo was.

Opening up the top right drawer, he reached in and pulled out the cordless phone, pressed a green button to answer the call, and placed it to his ear as he read over a particularly interesting document, the first interesting one he'd found.

Section-Two were on the phone, a male agent with a plain but hardened tone was on the other side.. "Fuyutsuki here." They'd found someone. "... You've found her?" She'd actually come back? _Quite strange._ "Yes; yes of course, bring her here. No, don't put her in a cell, just bring her to the office. I'd like to talk with her."

The Section-Two agent on the other side of the phone continued his report, mentioning that they'd been particularly lucky in picking her up due a massive limitation in numbers and harassment from refugees in the city. After all, only a handful of personnel had returned, and most of them were required to remain at the base. Some of those that had fled into the apocalyptic remnants of Tokyo-Three were apparently searching for food, using whatever they could find as weapons, some forming small gangs and attacking others.

Put simply, if things continued on like this, then Tokyo-Three would become a warzone.

The agent on the phone, his basic report concluded, mentioned something quite interesting to the sub-commander. "Him as well? And two others? Yes, bring them here too and have them wait outside the office; I'll talk to them personally." He pressed the red button to end the call, placed the phone back into it's holder, and closed the drawer.

His attention went back to the document held in his left hand, eyes wandering idly over it.

"Perhaps you weren't so confident in your scenario after all?" You could always count on Gendo to cover _all _of his bases. "Of all the things for you to write, Gendo... a will."

* * *

Later.

It was something they had decided upon.

It had actually come at the suggestion of Rei. "For now, perhaps it would be best to simply forget your problems, and come to them later." A quick agreement had followed, and then she continued. "Perhaps we could try doing something that we haven't had the chance to do for a long time." That earned confusion from the other two, but she was quick to clarify. "To be children."

While Shinji was left thoroughly puzzled, Asuka was quick to launch a counter-attack, stating that she wasn't a child and never would be again. She was mature. She was grown up.

Rei had quickly clarified once more, saying that they should – for now at least – forget all problems and responsibilities they had, and act... like normal people their age, to the best they could.

Shinji had agreed tentatively, still not quite sure what to make of it or it's consequences.

Asuka gave it some thought. A lot of thought. She accepted the proposal, but only on the basis that she needed a break from everything.

And so, here they were once again, in what had become their room – which was actually the hospital bedroom with the three beds with metal frames, lined with white nylon covers standing beside the left wall as you entered the room. The room still had the over-sterilised colour of white walls, ceiling, and the single large window on the wall opposite the door, letting in the sun and making the room rather bright.

Asuka had taken to relaxing on the bed closest to the window, and effectively her bed; still wearing her loose fitting blue track suits pants and a loose yellow t-shirt from yesterday's trip to the beach, though having placed her shoes and socks under the bed. She was sprawled out along it with her feet resting on the pillow, staring at the ceiling with her hands supporting her head.

Rei was sat on the opposite side of the room in a cross-legged position and still wearing the white shirt and dull green skirt and straps that were her school uniform, and like Asuka her black shoes and white socks were under her bed, the one closest to the door. She was reading a book that she had acquired. When asked, she only stated that it was 'given to her by Misato, who only said to me that she had found it.' Obviously the NERV employees liked to keep little stashed of contraband before everything had happened. The front cover held the title of 'Japanese History' along the top, with the image of a Samurai in his usual armour – painted a deep red – covering the front. It was unknown if Rei had actually taken a liking to the book, or was simply reading it because there was nothing else to do. Indeed, the very idea of Rei being... bored, seemed very strange.

Shinji was sitting quietly under the window, eyes closed and his legs in a 'v'-shape along the floor and his arms resting atop his knees, and still wearing his loose white t-shirt and plain black pants from the beach yesterday. Again, his socks and shoes had been neatly placed under his bed, the centre one.

Put simply, Asuka and Shinji were resting.

As Rei had so amply put, for now they should just forget their problems. They could be solved later. There were so many for each of them. It was nice to just not think about them. Perhaps it was simply because their minds were too tired to care right now. Since they had returned, they seemed to have experienced nothing but problems; both old and new.

For Rei, her purpose. What was she now? Who was she? How could she develop in a world where for much of the life she remembered, she had not been allowed the same mental nourishment other children had been.

For Asuka, the scars now on her physical appearance, her life with EVA over, her distinct problems with Shinji, that despite yesterday, still kept them at some distance to each other, neither willing to come into physical contact, and both fairly quiet around the other. And then of course, her newest problem with her mother.

For Shinji, his function, purpose, and direction in life. Again, the problems surrounding his current interactions with Asuka – which were slowly getting better, but were still somewhat strained – and something he had nether thought possible: hatred of his mother.

And all this; if just for today, they were forgetting all of those, and simply enjoying their newest chance of life. Real life.

It was nice to forget.

The little thoughts could not be completely silenced in the silent room, since the mind wanders when it had nothing to distract it. Still, if there was one thing Shinji and Asuka were good at – for better or worse – it was forgetting.

Shinji idly looked about the room, looking to see if anything interesting was around. There was nothing. ... Until... he noticed Asuka. He could only see the top-right of her head from a lower down angle; him being sat on the floor and her laid on the bed... but something struck him. Something seemed... _off_... different about her.

And then... _Her A-Ten connectors... They're gone._ Looking to his right first, he noticed them in the corner of the room, left their uncaringly.

Why hadn't he noticed sooner? The answer was quite clear; those A-Ten connectors – that also served the dual purpose of a headband of sorts for Asuka – seemed almost like a part of her. It was rare to find her not wearing them; there had even been instances when she hadn't taken them off to go to bed, either forgetting or just decided to leave them on for the night. She'd been wearing them since their return from the LCL, and he hadn't even noticed.

And now they had been tossed away.

He felt curious, a strong urge to ask why. He resisted. Today was for leaving it behind.

Shinji's dark blue eyes fell back to Asuka. Her eyes were now closed and she gave a sigh just as Shinji's eyes fell on her.

"I'm bored." She sat up and looked at Shinji, who was now for some strange reason staring at the floor. "What's up with you?" She asked, half curious and half-confused.

"N... Nothing." He said quietly.

There was something else. In the small moment he'd seen Asuka just after she'd sat up, he'd seen her with hair down for the first time in a long while – at least while she was her usual, lively self – and was mesmerised for a second by the unusual sight. There was something different about her when she 'let her hair down' so to speak. It made her look more...

... Natural.

"Nothing eh?" Neither of them had noticed that Rei's red eyes and her ears were now zoned in on the two of them. "Wait... don't tell me...?" She groaned this time, letting herself look in between her legs and placed her right hand on her forehead. "Pervert. You thought I was going to ask for a kiss again, didn't you?" She turned her head once more, giving a teasing, playful smile, and finding Shinji now staring at her with wide eyes and sporting a bright red blush on his cheeks.

"No! Nothing like that, I-"

"Oh...?" Asuka's teasing smile faded into a mild pout, only for her eyes to narrow as the smile returned, making it appear more devious. "If that's not it, maybe you thought I was going to ask _Rei_ for a kiss, hmm?" She spun around on the bed, now facing the opposite direction and ruffling the sheets beneath her, so she was now facing in Rei's direction, with Shinji still sat by the wall on her left side.

Shinji proceeded to sputter more denials. "I-I wasn't! I was just bored."

"So _you _were going to ask to kiss me; were you?" Asuka asked in a light and teasing tone as she turned her head to look at him from the corner of her eye.

"I wasn't even thinking about anything like that until you brought it up." Shinji said in a nervous tone, trying to calm himself a little.

Asuka chuckled a little. "You're so fun to tease Shinji. I don't know why I was so bored; I could do this all day."

"I... I'll fight back." Shinji told her softly, a small smile playing across his lips. "Then we'll-"

"I do not understand." Rei's quiet voice came from the room, drawing the two pairs of blue eyes onto her own. The book she was reading had been placed neatly by her right side, her page marked off, and she was sat in the same position with her arms resting on her legs. "Would me kissing Asuka make Shinji happy?"

She received no answer from either child. Both of them had turned redder than Asuka's hair.

One eyebrow was raised on Rei's face at that.

"Wh-..." The redhead final spurted out. After another few seconds of silence, she raised her hands above her head and spoke, in a mock call to the heavens. "I'm surrounded by perverts." She lowered her hands back to her sides and gave an accusing glare at the chestnut haired boy. "Has Wondergirl been spending time with you behind my back? She must've been influenced by you _somehow_."

"No..." Shinji began sheepishly, shrugging... but grinning just a little, "But... I think you enjoy being around us. And... I think you _want_ to kiss her." He struggled not to chuckle at that, not knowing what made him say it.

"I do not!" Asuka quickly countered with an angry tone, glaring at Shinji. "What makes you think I enjoyed being stared at by you and Wondergirl? And-"

"What is the matter, pilot Soryu?" Rei asked softly from across the room, drawing both pairs of blue eyes back to her. She held a small smile, neither the redhead nor the brown haired boy knowing if it was innocent or devious. "Are you... _scared_?"

Asuka blinked, then glared, and continued on in her angry tone. "Scared? Me?" She gave a small huff, crossing her arms over her chest. "What makes you think I'm scared of _you_? Maybe I just think you haven't brushed your teeth today."

Silence filled the room as the two females stared at each other, a strange sort of tension slowly rising at the staring match between sky blue and ruby red raged on, neither able to get an upper hand on the other.

It was perhaps the most intense battle they'd ever fought against each other.

It was all broken, when a strange noise was heard.

A small chuckle?

Both girls turned to Shinji, to see him holding his eyes closed and smiling to himself, trying to hide or fight back the said noise. Before either of them could ask, Shinji began laughing. It was small at first, but slowly built as his confidence did when he heard no objection to it. While hardly an uproarious laugh, it did seem to fill the room in it's own way.

Neither Shinji nor Rei noticed Asuka smiling at Shinji, then her shoulders slowly and subtly beginning to shake... Until she finally began laughing as well, immediately starting out at her usual volume and going over but not completely covering up Shinji's laugh. After a few seconds she fell back on the bed, splayed out like a five pointed star, her arms and legs hanging over the sides.

Both in their laughing fit, neither Shinji nor Asuka noticed Rei smiling softly at the two of them, and begin laughing softly herself, barely audible over the louder laughs of the other two pilots.

After a moment it died down, following the same sequence as it did in starting.

Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Shinji look up at Asuka, who was still laid out of the bed, her hands by her sides and her legs together now. "Why did you start laughing?"

She sat up and looked at him with an accusing but also warm stare and smile. "I only started laughing because you did, idiot. Why did _you_ start laughing?"

"Well..." He rubbed the back of his head a little, also knowing Rei was asking that question with her eyes. He dropped his hand back to his lap and looked at Asuka. "It's just that..." Then to Rei. "We haven't enjoyed ourselves like this for such a long time." He saw Rei gain a smile, knowing for her this was especially true. He also noticed Asuka look down into her legs and give a small nod, an unusual, gentle smile on her lips.

"Yeah..." The redhead began. "... It's nice to just act normal for a change. Plus," she looked up at Rei, then to Shinji, "now that I don't feel the need to compete with you two, I'm pretty happy right now, despite everything else." She looked at Rei and quickly added another statement. "And it's not just because EVA is gone either; so don't say anything, Wondergirl."

Rei gave her another of her small smiles, her eyes narrowing just a touch. "I was not going to say anything."

"Like hell you weren't!" The fiery redhead quickly said to her in an incredulous tone. "I could see it in your eyes. And you," her fierce blue eyes fell back to Shinji, with a rather scary but playful smile coming onto her lips at the same time, "you can try fighting back, but that'll just make teasing you even better." Her smile grew just a little warmer, though still retained it's scary demeanour. "Where would I be without you, eh?"

"Um... thanks, I guess." Shinji said uncertainly. "Glad we can be friends again." _We have one very weird friendship. _And he wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

"You _guess_? Come on Shinji, you should take that as a compliment."

Shinji waved his arms in front of his face defensively. "I thought I did?"

Unknown to the three of them, outside the door a purple-haired women; their designated guardian and their recently self-appointed parent was listening in on the conversation and silently cursing them for their cheery attitude as she lent her forehead and arms against the door. _God dammit!_ She resisted the urge to bang a fist against the door. _I just can't talk to them! Not now... Not when they're so happy._

Self-appointed parent for just under half-an-hour, and already she was struggling with them.

Misato silently cursed herself for her cowardice.

She did a one-eighty, spinning to her left and leaning against the white wall of the corridor, the door to the room a dull blue. He placed her right hand over her lowered face, resting the elbow in her left hand.

Did she have to ruin their time? Even if they were happy just for today, even just partially; they deserved it more than anyone else. And here she was, wanting to ruin it by talking about their problems. She grumbled into her hand something even she didn't quite comprehend.

She could hear another laugh; Shinji's again.

This time she groaned into her hand.

Perhaps... she could forget too; just for today. But she needed to talk to them, even if just for a minute or so. She did have to tell them about certain arrangements made for the future.

She had to face them to even gain the courage she needed.

But what would Shinji and Asuka say? Despite her talk with Rei, she was still not entirely sure. After all, she had basically sent the two of them into the gates of hell, and both of them had been slaughtered in one way or another.

Pushing herself up from the wall and standing upright, and turned back around and faced the wall once more, her arms by her sides and her fists tightly clenched. Breathing seemed unusually difficult right, her throat rough and dry. A gulp of quickly accumulated saliva did little to help that feeling.

She raised her right hand and knocked in one surprisingly swift movement. "May I come in?"

She heard Shinji's voice. "Yeah." She opened the door and walked in, then closed it behind her to find the three pairs of eyes on her, Asuka on the bed slightly to her left and near the opposite wall, Shinji in the centre sat by the opposite wall, and Rei to her right, by the right wall. "Can we do something for you, Misato?"

She noticed that Shinji's voice was a little strained and nervous, but he was making an effort to talk to her. Best to do the same. "I... came to see how you were all doing." She put on a bright smile. "Sounded like you were having fun, talking about kissing and all."

A small huff came from Asuka. "That's Shinji's fault."

"Well, I've just got to tell you and Shinji something." She saw both pairs of blue eyes fill with curiosity; and braced herself for the inevitable outburst from the German redhead. "Once we get ourselves a home, Rei will be moving in with us."

Silence.

She looked at Shinji's face first. He was smiling a little and looking at Rei. The purple haired woman then looked at Asuka. She was currently looking at Rei with a very surprised face. Next, her gaze fell upon Misato, then back to Rei again, then back to Misato.

The redhead's eyes closed and she slapped her forehead with her right hand. "Great! Now I'm going to have to share a room."

"Erm... We could always get a bigger place?" Misato's puzzled voice chimed in, staring in wonder at Asuka; her earlier apprehension suddenly gone.

Asuka lifted her head and lowered her arm, then smiled a with a mockingly angry grin. "You'd better!" Her tone was harsh, but carried a certain kindness to it as well. "I don't want my wardrobe full of _her_ school uniforms." She looked back to Rei, keeping up her 'angry-face'. "Why didn't you tell me you were moving in?"

"I felt it best for Misato to let you know." That was Rei's answer, her tone mild and nearly monotonous. "She is the one who persuaded me, after all."

"You're sure you aren't just following orders?" Asuka asked mockingly, though keeping it at a teasing level rather than harsh. She received a nod from the blue-haired girl, then sighed. "Okay, fine."

_I'll need to ask her how she and Rei have gotten onto such good terms. _"One other thing." The Major's voice came back in, causing all three children's eyes to fall back into her. "Shinji, Asuka; tomorrow, I'd like to talk to the two of you alone. It's about... family things." The faces of those two went solemn, and both nodded in the same manner, having good ideas of what Misato's statement implied. "But for today, enjoy yourselves." Misato smiled at them once more.

"Erm... would you like to stay and talk awhile?" Shinji asked meekly and nervously again, but he was trying to talk to her. It just seemed like she was trying to avoid them; and he and Asuka hadn't exactly been trying to find her recently. There were a lot of hard things to talk about.

"I'd like to, but this is the first proper break I've gotten in two or three days, so I'm going to use it sleeping. Thanks anyway." With that, she turned around, opened the door and left the room, once more closing the door behind her.

One huge breath of satisfaction and relief was let out from her throat. That had gone so much better than she'd thought. She was surprised at the changes in all three of them. They were similar from before Third Impact, but different as well.

Were those parts of them always there? Perhaps not so much a change; rather, an 'evolution'.

Perhaps all this had left some positive impact on them after all.

Finally... finally, things seemed to be getting better. And by tomorrow, hopefully they would improve further.

It was the family she'd always wanted.

She made a mental note to put in for massive amounts of extra free time once more people had entered into the NERV buildings. The way things were going, refugees would have to drafted.

She took a quick glance at her watch. She then looked up and to her right, to the end of the corridor two dozen metres down, the wall as white as any other in the hospital wing. Overall, everything here had taken around forty-five minutes to sort out. And waiting for her was a bed, and a _long_ six hour rest, a little reward from the sub-commander for a lot of hard of work. Still, six hours was more than enough for her right now.

She suddenly saw three people appear from the right side of the corridor. Two were Section-Two men of average height; with short black hair, and the usual suits and shades.

The third person though...

A white lab coat, bleach blonde hair...

_It couldn't be..._

Misato whispered the first name that came to mind. "Ritsuko?"

* * *

_Author Notes: So, there is chapter 7 for you all. I was a little concerned that I made the three children seem a little too happy; but when I looked over it, they seemed okay. That's my personal opinion though. You'd be rather surprised how the mind can cope if it distracts itself; and children can do that fairly easily, I think._

_As you've no doubt seen, perhaps the biggest sign so far of the positive impacts Third Impact and Instrumentality have had. After all, even with all the negatives, it's obvious Third Impact and Instrumentality had positives as well. (I like to combine End Of Evangelion with Episodes 25/26, as you may have guessed. I like to see them as the negative and positive of Instrumentality respectively.) _

_It may not have been all to obvious in earlier chapters – though it was certainly there – but I do want to show that Third Impact and Instrumentality; for all it's negatives, had positives for the children as well, and for all parties involved._

_And to quickly explain the 'modifications' to EVA-02 mentioned in this chapter, it refers to this: For End Of Evangelion, the appearance of EVA-02 was altered **very slightly** to make it look a little more like the M.P.-EVA-series. I decided to make that out as modifications Gendo had ordered to EVA-02, perhaps as a measure to improve it's combat effectiveness in preparation for the attack by SEELE._

_I seem to have gained a habit of trying to explain a lot in author notes; so... author notes shall end now._

_As always, I hope you have enjoyed this chapter._


	8. Crystallised Emotion

_Author Notes: Salutations, readers and writers alike. --I know, rubbish greeting--_

_I've begun rotating between each of my current three stories better, so updates will be slower, but hopefully continuous. (University exams. Bleh...)_

_I have little else to say now, so please enjoy chapter 8._

* * *

"To be honest, I wasn't expecting you to come back." The old man named Fuyutsuki told the scientist in what some could call an almost amused voice while he sat at the desk of their former commander, his dark brown sub-commanders top and pants now well creased from days of not being washed or even taken off his body. 

The said scientist – one Ritsuko Akagi – sat on the right corner of it with her feet planted on the ground on the opposite side, and simply staring at the wall with a typical blasé attitude. "Well, let me tell you something," the bleach blonde haired woman replied in a slightly grim and dulled tone, her view and posture not changing at all so that her white lab coat hid her other clothing, "after what he put me through, an eternity of watching him tongue-dance with what he thought was Yui didn't seem very appealing."

Fuyutsuki chuckled a little to himself, his brow furrowing slightly and temporarily adding to his wrinkles. "I guess Misato's little prophecy came true." Ritsuko turned her head to the left to look at the old man out of the corner of her eye. "So why did you come back?"

She breathed out. She hated this room. The constant shadowing on anyone made things all too bleak in here. Why was he here anyway? Rest? "I felt like I needed a proper punishment."

"Come now," Fuyutsuki began in his best teachers voice, leaning back into the black leather chair as Ritsuko's single visible eye scanned him continuously, "if that was the only reason, you could've stayed with Gendo."

"Alright... there _are_ actually people who care about me." Ritsuko closed her eyes and smiled grimly, turning the back of her head towards the old man. "I get the feeling Misato wants things to go back to how they were – impossible as that is – and..."

"And?"

"... It's not just my cats that care either." She turned her head again to look at the old man slightly, her eyes brighter than they had been for a long time, if still dulled by experience. "What about the other three you picked up with me?"

"They'll be meeting with them shortly."

"I also heard you have Misato the morning off." Her tone was now neutral and inquisitive, as if trying to solve the equation for a formula. "What's your reason for that?"

"She has..." Fuyutsuki carefully considered the correct wording for this. "... Family matters to work out."

**Chapter 8**

**Crystallised Emotion**

She was sat in the NERV cafeteria. Put simply, it was an arranged square of sixteen tables supported by metal bars painted black on either corner, that could each sit ten people, five on either side. The chairs too were supported by these same metal bars at either end, and running along the bottom of the seats. This woman in a red jacket and black top and skirt was sat on the centre left table in the centre chair, facing the very light grey double doors with the NERV ensign split between the two. Behind her were the metallic grey doors to the kitchen, and all around was a peach yellow, a subtle but nice change from the constant white of the children's current residence in the hospital wing and the darker blues and blacks of Central Dogma.

And like any self-respecting company – if you could call NERV that, based on what it tended to do – with a mass of employees ranging from simply security guards and mechanics to scientists, computer operators and researchers; there were always a few who would keep secret stashes. Since most of the employees had not yet returned to raid the said stashes – NERV's capacity was still barely up to five-percent due to a simple manpower shortage – she'd decided to raid one herself. This particular stash had been a twelve pack of beer hidden in the men's locker room.

She'd swiped the one can.

Having been awake since six in the morning, she'd been nursing this can of alcoholic beverage for the past four hours, and was only now just at the halfway point. No matter how much she told herself that it was because it had been left unrefrigerated for who knows how long – and any regular drinker knows that warm beer is a big no-no – no matter how much she told herself that it was because she wanted to put it in the cafeteria kitchen fridge but was simply too lazy to get out of the red plastic seat she was sat in, no matter how much she told herself that it was because it was not her favoured Yebisu, but a cheap substitute... she knew the real reason.

Butterflies in the stomach.

Honestly, where had that analogy come from? Butterflies, with their flimsy wings and frames lacking bone, would be quickly melted away in the volcano of a humans stomach; and that was ignoring the fact that someone would have to be stupid or desperate enough to eat one of the things first.

And the reason for the butterflies? Children.

Today was the day of her much awaited talk with her two children. As she sat there looking at the blue five-hundred millilitre can of ... '_Sayonara'_... spinning her wrist very gently so as to swirl the warm, foul tasting concoction in the can, she asked herself why she'd been stupid enough to even think about wanting this talk.

_Oh yeah. It's because I'm an idiot. A drunken idiot whose capable of creating the most elaborate and ingenious strategies to defeat creatures that wanted to destroy us, but just plain sucks at home and family life._

The naked boredom on her face said it all, since behind it was hidden a cringing fear. _For god's sake, I'm scared of two fourteen year old kids._ And she really had all rights to be. The whole point of the upcoming confrontation was to come out all guns blazing. She tended to have smarter attack plans... but this was what many would call stupid; especially against the two most unstable people on the planet. One was liable to a mood swing at any moment given current emotions and recent events, and the other could simply snap at any moment due to the same reasons. And what she hated was that much of it was her fault.

Again, she told herself things as her drink swished around in it's metallic prison: 'I was doing what Kaji asked me too' ... 'NERV was giving me paperwork that wasn't even related to my department for the reason of doing Kaji's work' ... 'They wouldn't even let me try and help them' ... 'I was trying to treat them like they were older, because they piloted EVA' ... Excuses.

She did try with Shinji, just after the Rei had _died_ during the sixteenth angel attack, and again after the seventeenth angel. She'd tried to talk, and he just pushed away and hidden away behind himself. Was that his fault? Partly... But she just gave up. It was obvious.

And Asuka? Well besides sending her to her very gruesome and bloody death, she never even _tried_ to help her. Again, there was the fact that she'd simply say it was fine it an incredibly angry yell then hide away in herself; but it's not like the grown-up ever tried to help in those waning days. And then there was the other fact that both she and the fourteen year old girl knew. She'd favoured Shinji.

"Misato?" A soft voice called out to her from the door to the cafeteria. When she looked up, she found exactly the people she was expecting. A nervous looking chestnut-haired boy and a red-headed girl whose disapproving eyes said 'drinking again'.

She took one long gulp of her warm alcohol then brought it down onto the white wooden table with a small clang. "Come on, sit down." She'd entered her commanding mode, issuing orders.

Both were wearing the clothes she'd seen them in yesterday, Asuka wearing her blue tracksuit pants and loose yellow t-shirt, and Shinji wearing his loose white t-shirt and loose black pants. The problem was that there were no other clothes available to change into, a problem anyone and everyone currently had right now.

The two of them sat down, shuffling along the seats until Shinji was sat directly opposite the purple-haired women, with Asuka sat to his left, both with their hands in there laps.

A cold silence fell upon all three of them. Shinji nervously shuffled in his seat in the silence, feeling like some invisible gaze was constantly looking at him. Asuka was glaring contemptuously at the edge of the white table and doing nothing else; looking like she wanted to say something, but couldn't. Misato had returned to swirling her can with her right hand, looking at it critically, as if it was the cause of all the problems.

Suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of the metal rim of the can hitting the wooden table, causing both children's eyes to shoot up and meet the brown-eyed stare of Misato Katsuragi.

A brief feeling of recall hit the Major. This was strangely similar to the time when she'd had Asuka move into the flat for the sync training against the seventh angel. Only this time, it seemed she was the victim.

"Alright," she sighed, "you know why you're here, and we have things to discuss. I _know_ you both have things you want to say to me, so start talking." Her tone was firm and expectant.

Asuka just went back to looking at the edge of the table.

After a brief moment, Shinji spoke softly, looking away as he did. "Misato, I don't-"

"Wrong." Misato interjected quickly. "We've been so awkward around each other recently, and it isn't just because we've seen inside each others heads. I've been avoiding you, and you two have barely spoken to me since I picked you up from our apartment, let alone tried to. Hell, I've spoken to Rei more than the two of you combined these past three or four days." Her eyes looked down to the top of the can. She bit her lip and choked out her next words, truly terrified of what would come from them. "Tell me."

Again, another icy silence. It seemed like Shinji was just too nervous about her reaction to say anything, and Asuka was being unusually quiet for some unknown reason.

Major Katsuragi was about to repeat herself, when...

"Where were you?" Shinji said softly, breaking the icy silence. He gripped his pants in his fists, keeping his eyes hidden from Misato's brown eyes.

Misato half-groaned and half-sighed. She knew this was coming. Her answer was hardly an answer, but it was the only one she had. "NERV kept piling paperwork on me, and-"

"Oh, so your job was more important to you than us, was it?!" Asuka sneered at Misato, rebutting her answer easily. Again, her gaze did not meet Misato's.

"No, it was-"

Again, Misato was cut off, but this time by Shinji whose voice had raised to a more normal tone; but keeping laced with poison. "You didn't even try to help us! All you cared about was Kaji and your work!"

_'Us'? Did he just say 'us'?_ Misato raised and eyebrow...

... But her quick reply meant she didn't have time to confirm he young boy's words, her voice at a half-shout and her stabbing brown eyes hit Shinji's dark blue ones like clashing swords. "As if you'd even accept the help if I gave it. You'd just run away and hide," after leaving Shinji with wide eyes and an open jaw, her unsympathetic gaze met Asuka's, "and you'd just scream that you didn't need any help and then cry in your room!" She'd expecting this; two against one. Luckily she was a skilled tactician.

"And you didn't?!" Asuka's palms slammed against the table, though she remained seated. Her eyes widened and she glared at the older woman, her teeth bared. "You just ran to your beer the moment things began to fall apart and got drunk every other night!"

"How dare you!" Misato roared, crushing her can in her right hand, which emitted a strange crinkling sound; ignoring the fact that it was still a third full and some burst out from the open lid to coat her hand. "I did everything I could to help you; but I can't help you if you won't even accept it!"

Asuka was momentarily taken aback, her teeth practically grinding together; while Shinji sat with his head low once again.

"Yeah, well, Shinji's wrong. You tried to help him, but what about me? I got nothing from you! _Nothing!! _Because you like Shinji better than me!" Asuka slammed her right fist onto the table once more like a hammer as if to prove her point. "I'm just second best to you, aren't I? That's why you sent me to get killed, isn't it?! Because you wanted him all to yourself and not have any of his attention on me!"

Misato roared back at the red-headed girl. "You spoilt _brat!!_ Not everything is about you, you know?! Maybe I just thought that Shinji _deserved_ the help!"

"Why you-" Asuka was quickly cut off by Misato.

"I tried to treat you two like adults, but your both the worst children I've ever seen in my life! Your mothers must've loved you _so_ mu-"

"Don't you _dare_ talk about her that way!" She expected that loud rebuttal from Asuka... but not from Shinji, whose heavy blue eyes were now glaring right at her. What she didn't expect were his next malice filled words. "What the _hell_ has she ever done for me?!"

As the room went quiet once again, Shinji felt both pairs of eyes on him. He could see Misato's mystified ones looking straight at him, her crushed can still held in her hand. He couldn't see Asuka, but he'd have to guess she'd be puzzled too. She did leave the beach before he could get the three words out that she had once seemed to keen to utter.

With no where else to go, Shinji continued his rant at a half-shout. "She used me just like me father did! She just wanted a tool to start Instrumentality. At least my father made it clear he only wanted a thing, but she hid it behind words like 'care' and 'love'." He looked down once more and leant on the table with his arms, his voice becoming strained as angry tears began to sting his eyes. "You don't know how much that hurts. I thought she really did care, but she doesn't. She doesn't..." He sniffed as he felt the tears he'd been wanting to let out for nearly two days began to drip onto the table. "I hate her. I hate her! I-"

"Shinji?" He looked up and to his left to see Asuka's frowning face appearing in front of him. She was clearly angry, though whether at Misato or him for being weak again was not clear. Her next words though, were surprisingly soft. "Do you remember our agreement?"

Shinji's eyes opened up a little and he sat up. He could only nod.

Asuka bit her lip as her eyes looked to the left, away from his. She seemed unsure about... something... but he couldn't tell what.

And then in one abrupt movement, Asuka had leant over, grabbed Shinji and pulled him towards her so that they met halfway with him held tight by her arms with her chin hovering just above his left shoulder.

"Don't get any big ideas about this, Shinji." The German girl whispered to him.

Shinji was left unable to move, just staring at the wall.

He couldn't remember his mother holding him.

He couldn't remember his father ever holding him.

Misato had never held him like this.

Rei had only held him once a few days ago when he couldn't sleep.

But this felt different from Rei's tender hold. Maybe because it was from Asuka, someone he'd been wanting affection from for nearly a year now, or just because Asuka had similar problems to him.

The fiery redhead wanted to say something.. anything... but anything she could think of just wouldn't come out. Words like 'I care' seemed so much more appropriate than what else she had, but her next words were the only ones that her fragile heart could muster.

"I... I hate her, too." Asuka's voice was a whisper again, and sounded strained. He guessed... knew, she was talking about her mother rather than his.

His trembling arms seemed to act on some simple human instinct, because he had no clue as to what to do right now. He was petrified. ... Maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind, he didn't want to simply use her like he had done before, as a solid column to steady himself on. She needed help too.

And her voice... it sounded like it carried a subtle undertone; as if she had said 'hold me' in a coded message.

His arms raised slowly until they came to rest on Asuka's upper back. After receiving no signs of retaliation or rejection, they slowly encircled her as best as they could, given that they were both leant towards one another slightly, and proceeding to cushion his forehead on her shoulder, being overly careful not to put a lot of weight on it. His hold, tentative though it was compared to her tighter grip, was full of everything he'd ever wanted to share with her.

To be united like this; by hating your mother, was an incredibly strange thing. But... it wasn't just that. It was too many things. Far too many things. Things that they had both endured, that no one else alive could understand fully.

Misato was left profoundly bewildered at this turn of developments, and could only stare wide eyed as she watched Shinji resting his forehead on Asuka's right shoulder, and Asuka hiding her face by resting her chin on his right shoulder. She knew Asuka was not very _keen_ on her mother from her time at the German branch of NERV before the Angel attacks began and from reading her files, but Shinji hating his mother... that was new. She had read his files and at no point before had he ever expressed any hate towards his mother. He'd never actually talked about his mother.

And there was something that scared her. She was... _jealous_. Jealous of Asuka. And she knew why she had this feeling. In the space of just a few days, it appeared that Asuka had connected to Shinji in a way that Misato had tried to for close to a year and failed. But she couldn't blame Asuka or Shinji, for those past few days they'd only had each other and Rei to talk to; once again she'd been busy with work. She could feel that the three of them had somehow connected – whehter due to their recent time together or Instrumentality – and a small voice in her head told her that Rei would probably have some choice words for her too, were she here.

However, the simply fact remained that she'd been avoiding them again.

No more.

"I'm sorry I said all that, Misato." Shinji's gentle voice said.

"No your not." Misato answered with a grim yet happy smile and an almost amused voice. "I know that both of you meant every word you said." The two children parted and sat up straight once more, Shinji now blushing mildly and looking to his right with a nervous smile, apparently realising what had just happened. Asuka on the other hand was looking to her left, and... had a smile aswell. Very tiny and kept well hidden from him and the purple-haired woman, but Misato could see that it was there. "That was the whole point of this meeting, to get it out." She sighed, feeling her that chest much lighter, as if she'd just removed a layer of armour that was used for protection during a battle.

The two children looked at her with bemused expressions, neither fully understanding their guardians thought processes. Then again, she did come up with unusual strategies.

"I'm going to start by saying," Misato, tossed the crushed beer can over her shoulder and not caring where it landed, nor paying attention to the sound that came from it's rather ungraceful landing, "that yes, much of our family falling apart is my fault. I didn't help you; and even if I did, I hardly followed through with that effort. Not only that, I got so tangled up with NERV that I forgot about everything else. I'm not going to hide behind excuses, I..." She bit her lip and chewed it, not knowing what her charges answer would be. "... want us to be a family again. I know I don't deserve it, I'd understand if you want to find a new guardian, and-"

"I'd... like that." Shinji's somewhat shy answer came. "You were right though, it's not like we would've accepted your help. I know I didn't."

Asuka began barely two seconds after Shinji had finished in a rather high and mighty tone, perhaps trying to cover over the small show of affection to Shinji she'd just given him. "Well, as for me, I definitely meant everything I said." Her tone softened and her blue eyes looked down into lap, her aura of power suddenly gone. "Well, almost everything... You didn't send me to my death. You didn't know I'd start fighting those soldiers and then those other nine EVAs. You knew it was the safest place for me, inside my EVA." She looked up again, smiling weakly. "But what you said was right, as silly as you being right sounds. I wouldn't have accepted any help you _or_ Shinji would've given me." She gave a small, unexpected huff and crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly killing the mood she and the other two were in. "And besides, it's not as if I have anywhere else to go."

Before they knew what was happening, Misato had shuffled out from the table, stood up, and told the other two to stand up as well. They did, and Misato quickly pulled both of them into a hug of her own, her arms wrapped around their shoulders; Asuka tucked under her left arm and Shinji under her right. She was leant forward a bit too, and sniffles were clearly heard. It didn't matter that the two children were too shocked to even hug back, she was just glad they'd managed to work things out.

Like so many times before, her stratagem had worked. Though admittedly, she knew that she had the children's want to try and connect and change in her favour. She knew that from yesterday. It was so rare to see Shinji and Asuka – and Rei at that, which made it a first – just... enjoying themselves like that.

They still cared.

They still wanted her.

Despite all she'd done to both of them, they still wanted her as a guardian.

Rei had already told her this, but hearing it from them... just made it real.

Misato's legs turned to jelly, and she promptly dropped to her knees as water began to run down her cheeks, bringing them both down with her. Her arms clutched them to her just a little tighter, not caring that their heads were pressed into her breasts or that Shinji was probably blushing brighter than Asuka's hair right now. All that mattered was that she was forgiven.

"Thank you both..." Misato whispered. "I don't deserve such good kids."

She felt two pairs of arms wrap around her stomach and back. With her eyes closed, once the arms were comfortable she did not know who's was who's. But that didn't matter.

And then, past her gentle sobbing, she thought she heard two whimpered words. One from the red-headed girl, and one from the chestnut-haired boy. She thought... she wasn't truly sure, her sobbing and focus on just being accepted by the two she thought she'd done everything to avoid and unintentionally hurt marred her hearing.

She liked to think she had heard them... and heard them correctly.

Mama.

Mother.

They stayed like that for the next ten minutes, for what seemed like an eternity that all three didn't want to end. A reunited family. A family with a second chance, a fresh start. And this time she'd make it right. She would try to help the children, and this time she would try properly.

And she could see it in both of them that they were willing to try. It was obvious. From what little she had seen, Shinji and Asuka were beginning to open up. Still very cautious and hiding pretty much everything from the world, but they were starting. And given what they had gone through not just in this past time that measured close to a year; but also the past decade, it was understandable they would proceed at an exceedingly slow pace. And Rei was now on better terms with Asuka too.

Right now, it seemed like things could only get better.

There would be rough times ahead, but things looked brighter than they had for months.

Misato proceeded to stand up, her legs still shaky, pulling Shinji and Asuka up with her. The three of them parted from their embrace, and Misato just looked at both of them for a moment, wiping her eyes on the back of her right jacket sleeve as she did.

"Well..." She took a deep breath. "I'd better be going. The old man only gave me till noon to sort this out." She both heard and saw Asuka give a little huff as if to say 'here we go again', though it only seemed half-serious. "But if you ever need to talk, _ever_... even if I'm on duty, find me and we'll talk. Alright?"

Shinji sniffed a little and nodded. Asuka looked up, trying to keep a tough exterior, but failing when she smiled and nodded, though she was looking at the wall.

Misato ruffled their hair quickly and walked in-between them, a spring in her step that she'd never managed to gain from being drunk.

After she was gone, Asuka turned to Shinji with her hands on her hips, her speech mildly threatening and her eyebrows slanted inwards. "What happened today is our secret, are we clear?"

Shinji simply nodded again, still smiling.

Her face quickly softened and a smile spread across her lips. "Do you realise how long I've wanted to scream at Misato like that?"

"Erm... since you met her?"

"Not quite, but for about three months now." Asuka looked above the door that led out of the cafeteria, finding a clock their that spoke of the time being half past ten. She was quite surprised, she thought this had taken longer. "Well, may as well find Wondergirl and bring her here." She made out like it was a chore rather than a courtesy.

She was about to start walking when Shinji stopped her with a raised hand. "Wait, Asuka, I... have something for you." A small blush was again came up on his cheeks.

The red-haired girl sighed, making out that waiting was a chore too. Shinji quickly ran past her, Asuka not bothering to see where he was going or why. She heard doors open and close, so she'd logically assumed he went into the kitchen. Why? Maybe he'd cooked her up a _wonderful_ Japanese feast of fish and rice.

Her mind began to explore what had happened just now. Sure, she and him had agreed to be a shoulder to cry on for one another from now on, but... why had she hugged him like that? Why had she wanted to? That was why she didn't want it leave the three of them, because she didn't want to seem weak, and showing care like that was the ultimate form of weakness!

But she'd always known that she was weak inside, fragile. And that was another thing that scared her. She knew that weak people were taken advantage of, so she made herself out to be strong. People feared strong people. Shinji had feared her. It was better to be feared than loved.

At least that's what it had seemed like.

With Shinji though... now that they were beginning to get along better, now that they were helping one another through these difficult phases and the phases to come, she felt... _safe_ around him. She'd felt safe when his arms had held her for those few precious moments. She knew he felt the same way.

She couldn't remember ever being held like that before.

Never.

Why had she hugged him anyway? Wasn't she supposed to be letting him gain her trust back _slowly?_ It couldn't be just because he now hated his mother as she did hers. A few days ago the mere thought of being around him disgusted her to the extreme, but she'd hugged him twice now; once out of pure fear and need, the other out of understanding and compassion. She couldn't comprehend why she had hugged him, and in front of Misato no less.

If there was one thing she knew now, it was that he was weak. Just like her, he was weak. And just like her, he hid that weakness; only he hid behind obedience while she had behind anger.

She had been showing him and Rei how weak she truly was in the past few days. So had Rei. She had too.

Like it or not, she needed both of them.

A week ago, that thought would've sickened her. Now it was... warm.

Did Shinji already have her trust again? At least somewhat? It seemed so. That brought a tiny smile to her lips.

"Asuka?" Shinji's voice seemed to have a habit of appearing suddenly in the silence.

"What?" Asuka's tone was somewhat negative; he did interrupt her thoughts and they were very confused right now.

She spun around to find... a cake? Well, a small cub-cake with no icing and coloured a light brown, wrapped in it's usual little wrapping paper held up in front of her by the palm of Shinji's right hand. But what struck her was the single, unlit red candle in the centre of it and the nervous smiling face Shinji behind it didn't help matters. She glanced back and forth between the young boy and the food a couple of times, trying to think of something to say.

She was about to ask why when she got her answer.

"... Happy Birthday?"

Those two simply words seemed to echo in her head as if her skull was a canyon. She knew it was well past her birthday and had been for around three or four weeks now at a guess. She didn't know the exact date, only that it was early-mid January. Her birthday was in December.

"You were in the hospital on your birthday." Shinji answered her unspoken question in a shy way, not looking at her face. Both of them knew what 'in the hospital' actually meant. 'In a coma.' "Since you weren't awake, I couldn't really give you your present." He looked up and found that Asuka's eyes were still fixed on the unlit candle, her face blank and passive. "And when we went to the apartment last time, your gift was ruined. And I wanted to get you something." He shrugged to try and make this seem like not much of a big deal, but Asuka's fixed stare meant that failed, so he tried with words. "I-I know this isn't much of a present, and if you don't like it you can-"

He stopped dead in his tracks when he both felt saw Asuka's hands lift the tiny cake out of his palm as if it were a small and injured animal. He lowered his hands back to his sides as she brought it to closer to her, chest level and just looked at it.

A small cake with a single candle.

Suddenly all thoughts about whether she was disgusted or happy with him were gone, and her entire focus was on this simple thing, made by his hands.

With sincerity.

"T... Thank you." She said in a quiet voice.

"Well, it's nothing really," Shinji began to repeat timidly, "it's just a-"

"No, really." Asuka interrupted as she looked at him and gave a gracious smile. "Thank you." She groaned suddenly. "Now I'll have to get you something nice for _your_ birthday."

She felt no urge to hug him this time, from the looks of it the simple thank you was enough. She was somewhat glad she didn't feel that urge again. It was very strange... she was still wary of him because of certain events that didn't need to be thought about again, but she could feel herself getting calmer and more relaxed around him. Perhaps it was yesterday, when they'd been able able to just be children, to at least be somewhat like themselves.

Shinji meanwhile was entirely confused at how something so simple as a tiny cake could be regarding as such a wonderful gift. He wasn't used to receiving praise about anything, let alone something as insignificant as this. Was it something else about her that she kept closed off? They were still vastly a mystery to one another, despite recent events. Yes, they knew about each others problems and pasts thanks to Instrumentality, but the brain can only process so much before it either shuts off or forgets information. So much about her was still unknown to him.

The same was true for her. There was much she still didn't know about him.

Asuka was about to say something when a stutter from the exit of the cafeteria caused both her and Shinji to reflexively move their views to that area; Shinji looking to his right and Asuka to his left.

There was Rei, appearing like an apparition, still wearing the white shirt and dull green skirt and straps that were her school uniform.

But it wasn't her who stuttered.

Behind her stood three people...

To Rei's right was one boy wearing camouflage gear t-shirt and pants and large round glasses and proving to be the shortest of the group, with hair coloured in a dirty blonde. Put simply, he was pointing at Shinji and Asuka, his jaw looking like it could unhinge and fall to the ground at any moment.

Directly behind Rei stood a tall boy wearing darkest blue tracksuit top and pants, his slightly messy black hair marking him out. While not being over-exaggerated, his face clearly showed amazement and puzzlement.

Finally, stood to Rei's left was a girl about her height, wearing the same school uniform she was and her brunette hair tied into a pair of ponytails.

Two of the three stooges and the Class Representative.

* * *

_Author Notes: And so we reach the conclusion of chapter 8, which gives you a wonderful cliffhanger for what could happen in chapter 9. Aren't I just the sweetest thing?_

_Well, things all sorta happened pretty fast there, didn't they? Considering I wrote this in the best part of two days... well, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do in this chapter, so once I started I pretty much couldn't stop. That was pretty much the effect I was going for, an explosion or a shattering of glass._

_To quickly clarify, I'm not trying to be cruel to Yui and Kyoko here, but as I mentioned at the end of chapter 6 – and made clear in my other little two-parter "Mutter Mother" – personally, I hardly think that they've not been the best mothers ever, despite their good intentions. And once Shinji and Asuka realised that in chapter 6 of this story, things all just fell into place for them. ---shrugs--- And as I said at the end of chapter 6 too, I'll continue to explore this issue._

_And don't worry folks, we'll be taking a look at some secondary characters again soon. (How can I forget Ritsuko, eh?)_

_Hope you enjoyed._


	9. Good Times Gone

_Author Notes: Apologies for the wait, but I've been having a bit of a rest over the summer holidays from writing and art work. Now that I'm back at University for another year, and writing is something I'll be doing a lot of in one form or another, things should be a bit quicker._

_Oh, point of note, I'm not going to do this story in a "day-by-day" style. (That would be silly.) I'm not sure when, but expect a small time-skip here and there, though they'll normally be by about 1-2 months, I'm guessing._

_Glad you all enjoyed chapter 8. Here is chapter 9 for your enjoyment._

* * *

She had intended to walk up here and introduce herself to the bridge crew, or what of them had arrived back from the massive puddle of primordial soup, but none were here; she was alone in this massive place with only a bitchy computer-triad for company. 

That triad were the three _wise men_.

Two problems with that little reference: one, they were not the minds of men, but three separate parts of her mother; and two, part of said mother decided it would be better to save a bastard than her own daughter. And she thought she had a reason to detest her mother before.

Throughout her life, she'd done everything she could to push herself away from her mother, so far as to do something so superficial as to dye her hair blonde; in stark contrast to the Second and Third Children who had nothing more than a childish need to have that motherly attention; and even they had found that mothers could be disgustingly cruel beings, so she had heard.

Even with not even not so much as a skeleton crew, news travelled fast in NERV. It seemed like the competent people of very few Section-Two had returned, at least.

But in the end, her attempts were a failure. She'd become a scientist, like her mother. She'd entered into NERV, like her mother. She'd let herself fall for a man who wanted nothing more than his own desires fulfilled, like her mother.

She'd let herself be killed by said man, like her mother.

Killed. The word normally carried a sense of finality. Not in today's modern world.

And now, as she stood on the platform where the three bridge crew normally sat, behind the centre chair and the lights from the ceiling and the half-powered holographic displays illuminating all of Central Dogma, her back to the mother who'd betrayed her time and time again, she found herself again asking why she had come back.

She must've had a good reason. After all, that was the only way she'd could've returned. If she could imagine herself.

So how did she imagine herself? A friend to all? Someone who never lied? A person whom people cared about?

A hollow chuckle seemed to echo in the room, emanating from her closed lips.

"Ritsuko?"

She hadn't even heard the elevator arriving upwards, so lost in her thoughts. Fear suddenly stabbed through her chest like that bullet had. She knew that voice... and besides Misato, she had betrayed this person the most.

And yet, the voice had sounded surprised and hopeful.

After a brief but intense moment of silence, she pulled her hands from the pockets of her white lab coat, her navy blue shirt, black skirt that came to just above her knees, tights and black high heeled shoes finishing her current clothing, and turned about to see the shocked face of her assistant.

"Hello, Maya."

Maya was wearing the usual light tan brown uniform of the bridge crew, a form-fitting skirt that went to just above her knees marking it out as the female version, and holding a black clipboard to her chest with her left hand and arm.

The clipboard was dropped to the metallic floor beneath them.

Maya, all her usual professionalism forgotten, ran at Ritsuko and engulfed her with her arms wrapped around her shoulders.

Ritsuko could only stand there with a star-struck face, perhaps the most emotion she'd shown since her return or for a long while.

Maya whimpered into her senior's left shoulder. "I didn't think you were coming back."

**Chapter 9**

**Good Times Gone**

The freckled Hikari could only stare at the two children known as Shinji Ikari and Asuka Lanlgey Soryu, as could Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida. What they had just seen... the 'newly-weds'... being friendly to each other?

Asuka had already spun her head away to look away from them, along with hiding the cake by her right side. Shinji stood there with a blush, looking very sheepish and fearful at what was about to be said and done.

And of course, Toji. He had visited him in the hospital just after the Thirteenth angel, but as with Asuka, he'd been unconscious at the time. He'd been so frightened of the boy that even while asleep, he couldn't do anything but stare.

And now here he was, his two missing limbs miraculously replaced and walking as if it was second nature to him once more.

"What they hell did that Devil do to you?!" Kensuke suddenly blurted out and pointing a finger accusingly at Asuka, breaking the tense silence.

All of them expected for Toji to follow up on that. He said nothing, did nothing but stare at Shinji.

And Shinji's face was now contorted into... anger?

"Guys," the chestnut-brown haired boy said hesitantly, "come with me." He began walking to the farthest corner of the room, on the opposite side of the room from the door.

The two boys did so, walking past the ruby-eyed girl that had led them here.

Hikari meanwhile, ran past Rei and quickly jumped in front of Asuka. The fiery redhead abruptly turned to face her, surprised at her speed. Before she could even give a greeting or explain why stupid-Shinji was trying to butter her up with gifts, she found herself held by Hikari, who gave her a short but tight hug, and then pulled back and smiled at her.

"It's great to see you again, Asuka!" She had a mild blush on her cheeks at her unusual spontaneity.

"It's... good to see you too." Asuka herself was still shell-shocked, but her voice clearly held joy. "Are you okay?"

"Now that I can talk to you again."

"Let me guess," Asuka began slyly, "the stooges too stupid to provide intelligent conversation?" The two of the shared a short, quiet laugh together, hidden from the boys in the corner.

Neither of them noticed Rei walk up beside them, on Hikari's right and Asuka's left.

"Explain, Wondergirl." Asuka suddenly demanded.

"They were brought here last night, so I am told." Rei answered softly; clasping her hands in front of her skirt. "I was asked to bring them here for food." A small smile was on her lips. A grin? "I did not know that you and Shinji were present in this room as well."

"You know, Rei," Asuka's bright blue eyes suddenly fell onto Rei, a large smirk adorning her face, "you'd be a great friend if I didn't hate your guts."

"The same to you." The two girls with the unusual hair colours stood out like beacons in the white walled cafeteria.

"Oh, could you put this somewhere?" Asuka raised the cake in her right hand, Rei took it quickly but gently, and placed it on the nearest white wooden table, promptly returning to her original position by Asuka's right side and Hikari's left.

Hikari looked at Asuka, then slightly right to look at Rei, then back to who she considered to be her best friend.

She then noticed it, and gasped, causing both pairs of eyes to look at her. "Oh my god! Asuka! What happened? Where did you get these scars?" Hikari grabbed the German girls left hand and brought it up to look at the underside and palm, seeing the long, pink line that along the centre of the arm and in between her index and seconds fingers.

She hadn't even registered Asuka flinch at the words or the contact.

Asuka's eyes were wide open, her mouth just partially agape.

They had been all but forgotten in the waves of more important problems, but in the back of her mind, this had always been there with other things, and Hikari noticing them highlighted an important fact. She was ruined. Right now, she wanted a hot bath or shower, something to at least let her thoughts be clear of everything, even if just for a little while.

Everyone would look at her, and think that she wasn't beautiful. They'd degrade her. She didn't want that.

Asuka lowered her head to look at the floor, hiding her face as her voice trembled. "I don't want to talk about it."

"But-"

"Hikari, please."

"A... Alright" Hikari's let go of Asuka's hand and it dropped back to her side.

"A lot has happened." Asuka brought her head back up to look at Hikari.

Rei spoke for Asuka, ignoring Asuka's rather displeased expression at this action. "Much of what is going on with her – with myself and Shinji as well – is something that only the three of us can share with each other at the present time. Do you understand?"

Hikari nodded her head, clearly worried for her friend.

Meanwhile, in the corner of the room, Shinji was giving Toji and Kensuke a piece of his mind. The were stood in front of him, Kensuke on his left and Toji on his right. The wall was to his left and front.

"Lay off her."

"What?" Kensuke blurted out again. "What do you mean?"

"She's been through a lot recently. We all have." Shinji was quiet, but he sounded very menacing. "She doesn't need you trying to get under her skin right now. I'm just asking you to try and be nicer to her, if just for a little while."

Toji noticed that Shinji was keeping his eyes fixed on Kensuke; perhaps because he was the only one verbally objecting. In all the time he'd been in the hospital, Shinji hadn't ever visited; at least when he was awake. He did ask Hikari to find him now and again, but she always came back with a sad face and a solemn shake of her head.

He could understand why Shinji never visited, and yet he couldn't. Shinji was who he was, but at the time he felt deeply hurt that Shinji had never visited. Even now that hurt was still there, telling him to shout at the boy, admonish him, punish him for such a cruel act. He couldn't, because this was Shinji, someone who had piloted EVA at great cost to himself. He'd wait.

"But she's _Asuka, _the Red Devil herself! She-"

"You have no idea what's she's been through!" Shinji roared at Kensuke, then going quieter once more, apparently ignoring the fact that the three girls all looked in his direction. "She's been through so much. She doesn't deserve what you're doing to her now, even if it is just teasing."

"I'm okay with it." Toji said quickly, successfully diverting Shinji's attention to him. "I mean, I may not know or understand what's happened these past few days, but I can tell it's affecting you guys. Asuka isn't herself. And you and Rei are acting different too."

"Toji!"

Kensuke received a firm smack on the back of the head for that from the taller boy on his right, and not the playful type either. "Deal with it, Kensuke. If you can't do this for him, then you're hardly his friend. Suck it up like a man!"

The army-geek rubbed the back of his head, then grumpily crossed his arms over his chest, muttering an okay. Obviously he didn't like the idea.

Shinji sighed, clearly relieved. However, he realised that Toji was stood next to him, his eyes looking down on him since he was the taller boy. His nervous reaction of clenching and unclenching his hand began.

Toji had said that he still considered him a friend. How?

"Toji, I'm... sorry that I didn't visit you." He muttered into his collarbone. "I mean... I did visit, but you were unconscious that one time I did visit, and, well..."

He didn't want to look. He was scared. He was tense. He didn't want to do this, but he wasn't going to run away anymore. He _had_ to do this. He had to be strong, to show his friends that he could stand up against his problems, to show Toji that he did still value him as a friend, to show Rei that the whole experience had made him a better person, to show Asuka that he was strong like she could be. If she could muster the courage to fight against her inner fears, then he could too! He wouldn't use Asuka as a monolith of strength anymore.

It was so difficult though. He felt like Toji must be accusing him of something with his eyes, accusing him of anything. He wanted to curl into a ball and hide, something he'd wanted to do so many times before. He almost did, he could feel his legs trembling, telling him to just walk away and not bother with what he wanted to saw.

"You know, I was told what happened." Shinji looked up at Toji as his voice snapped him away from his thoughts, a childlike gleam of hope around him. "And I was angry with you at first, because I thought you did this." He rotated his left shoulder to add emphasis. "I mean, I thought my life was ruined with my left arm and right leg gone. I couldn't play sports anymore, I couldn't walk; I even had trouble eating; and all because you destroyed that EVA. But then I realised you had to, because it was an Angel. Then I got told you didn't do anything."

"But that's the point, I didn't do anything to help you." Shinji said solemnly, biting back a sob. "If I'd done something you wouldn't have lost your arm and leg. I'm sorry."

"I've gotten 'em back, haven't I?"

Kensuke wished he had his camera right now. He understood this was something important to the two of them, but this was gold! Then he slapped himself mentally. How could he even think like that, seriously? He let his friends continue while silently vowing to make things up to both of them for his very recent actions. Maybe he was already forgiven, but a little extra enthusiasm couldn't hurt.

"Shinji, if I was in your position," Toji gave him an understanding look and a compassionate smile, casually placing his right hand onto Shinji's left shoulder, "I can honestly say I would've done the exact same thing you did." Shinji stared. "You had a tough decision to make in a split-second. A lot of people would've hesitated in that time and place. I've got nothin' against you."

Shinji slowly nodded as the so-called jock put his right hand back in his pocket, unable to do anything else. He'd been forgiven that easily. Was it really that easy between friends?

He could feel the tears coming up, but he forced them down. He'd already cried enough today, and besides, being teased by Toji and Kensuke for it would hardly be worth it.

"No hard feelings, eh?" Toji grinned. "And before you say anything along the lines of not deserving it, I've had a lot of time to think about it." A small laugh came from him. "Trust me on that. Just _visit_ me the next time I'm in hospital, will ya?"

Shinji's reply was quiet, but incredibly thankful. "Yeah..." Toji was much more understanding than he thought he would be. But then again, deep beneath that 'jock' exterior was a kind being.

Shinji's reflexes had obviously been enhanced by his time in EVA, because he gave Toji a short, sharp, and very quick hug. Toji was certainly glad it was quick, because it certainly wasn't very manly and the girls would've definitely teased him about it. Luckily, they seemed not to have noticed. He'd have to make sure Kensuke nether brought it up. A quick threat would ensure that. _He couldn't have just settled for a handshake?_ Truthfully though, he was glad. It meant Shinji and him could start over... again.

Shinji knew it had been silly to be scared of what Toji would say, but that was just it, the irrational fear, something humans often got. It came about even when it wasn't needed, like a spectre.

Why was everyone being so kind to him? He hadn't exactly treated them well. But they were forgiving him. One after the other, they had forgiven him. He didn't deserve it, he really didn't; he knew that. But they were forgiving him. Even Asuka, whom he had wronged most out of everyone he knew, was on the road to full forgiveness. They were already talking like friends.

But another thing came to his mind. How would Asuka react to this? This was the first time he'd offered his help to her since the beach two days ago; and knowing her, anything could happen. He inwardly shivered, fearing the unknown reaction. But he would help her, because in his heart he knew she wanted that help, wanted to be able to start being better friends to those around her. He did too.

_It's as if I've seen her crying before, when I look into her eyes_.He could imagine himself and her when they were four years old, as if meeting each other for the first time. In one scenario, he was crying. In another, it was her. A left over though from the world's minds being joined, perhaps? _She cares about me_. _When we were at NERV, she saw me as competition_. _But at home, she saw me_..._ as me. As 'Stupid-Shinji_. _Me_. Just like she had said to him – that he cared about her and not any masks she put on – the same was true vice-versa. She did not care about 'Invincible Shinji, saviour of the world', or 'Shinji, the EVA-pilot with the highest sync-score.' She cared about _Shinji_.

"Well, let's get some food," Toji announced to the whole cafeteria, drawing all eyes to him, "I'm starving!"

"Typical." Kensuke groaned. "The moment he gets into the kitchen, he starts thinking about food." The spectacled boy followed his taller friend to the grey kitchen doors, opening them like the doors to a western saloon. "And what kind of idiot who loses his limbs imagines himself returning with them attached?" The doors banged shut just as Kensuke finished that sentence.

In the centre of the room, Hikari wanted to follow, but was afraid. She had an obligation to help Asuka in anyway she could, but she'd been told it was something she needed to work out with other people. Once again, she was torn between separate obligations.

"Go ahead." Asuka told her. "We can talk later. Don't worry about me." She gave her a big, toothy smile. "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, after all!"

"Erm.. okay. If you want to talk, I'm all ears."

"Trust me, after all this time with Blue and the idiot," motioning with her right hand to Rei and Shinji respectively, "I need to talk to you."

They shared another giggle before Hikari walked into the kitchen to find something to eat.

"Do you wish to talk?" Rei asked politely, almost startling Asuka. "You appear troubled."

The redhead looked to her left, away from Rei. "To you? Honestly, just because I'm having some problems does everyone think I need help anytime I can get it?" She let her anger be hard by Shinji now. "I don't need your pity!"

Shinji rushed over and stood in front of her, Rei to his right. Weren't they trying to help each other?

"Asuka?"

"I don't need a babysitter, Shinji!" She poked her former rivals chest, pushing the loose white t-shirt he wore onto the skin in that spot while her harsh blue eyes drove into his. "I'm a big girl, and I can look after myself; _especially_ from the stooges!"

"I..." He closed his eyes briefly as he thought over what to say before opening them. He wanted to say sorry, his mind was begging him too. He didn't. "I was trying to help you Asuka."

Asuka wanted to scream. She knew that Shinji was trying to help her, knew that was what they had agreed to, but she this was the first time he'd actually taken the initiative since that request, and it'd made her go defensive. She really, _truly_ wanted his help; but she wanted to be strong at the same time. It seemed like a mix that just couldn't work. The problem was he had told Toji and Kensuke to leave her alone, and Hikari had heard this too. He had made her seem weak in front of all three of them and-

... She couldn't have been more grateful.

She gave an exasperated but very relieved sigh, closing her eyes as she felt heartbeat slow after her sudden attack. "Sorry, Shinji." She looked up, her voice clearly apologetic. "I really do want any help you can give right now, but it's... it's still difficult for me to accept it. I've gone all this time thinking and living by myself, alone, thinking that's what it took to be an adult that it's kind of hard to get out of that thought pattern."

"It is understandable." Rei cut in before Shinji could say anything, making him and Asuka turn their eyes to her. "Changes you would want to make would be difficult. But you are trying, and that is a good first step."

"Well, you are too." The chocolate-haired boy noted. "You're far more talkative than you were. It's... nice."

Rei unknowingly blushed. "Thank you."

The redhead continued. "Really, thanks for the help. Both of you." She looked into his eyes to see him looking at her hopefully. She replied with a nod and a smile herself. "I do appreciate it. Just remember that I don't need you helping me with_every_ little thing."

Shinji nodded. "I understand, Asuka. It's not really easy for me either." That earned him a raised eyebrow from the German girl. "I mean, all I've done is accept anything and nether give anything back, because I was too scared of people's reactions if I did anything without being asked too. That's true when it comes to you and Misato. Did I do the right thing this time, at least?"

"Yeah, you did." Asuka told him happily.

Rei had a small smile on her lips. "Asuka, if you need to talk to me at anytime-"

"Jeez, I've already had this talk from Misato!" She threw her hands in the air quickly then brought them back to her sides, glaring at Rei; but yet again her face and tone softened. "But yeah, thanks. Same to you. And one other thing, do you mind if I still call you 'Wondergirl'?"

"Your insults have a strange way of becoming terms of endearment. You may continue if you wish to do so."

Asuka looked to her left to give her fellow female a curious glare. "And _what_ does that mean?"

"Simply what I said." Rei told her calmly. "I have noticed that Shinji seems to like it when you call him an 'idiot'."  
It still amazed Shinji that the cerulean haired girl could remain totally unfazed by the ferocity that Asuka could sometimes display, and even now he dared not get involved. But when Asuka's curious gaze fell on him, he looked away, embarrassed. It was silly, the fact about the word 'idiot' Rei had stated was already been confirmed before today.

"Well he should like it." Asuka stated proudly, crossing her arms over her chest. "After all, it's not like I'll ever call him 'dear-Shinji', is it?"

She was amazed at how well she could temporarily forget all her current problems just by talking with them. How could this be so enjoyable? It was just talking.

But it was with Shinji and – surprisingly – Rei. She knew bits about them they had nether shared, and likewise for them knowing about her. It couldn't be just Instrumentality though... No, she'd always wanted to connect to people like this, to just enjoy the time they spent together, but of course her fear of rejection and a 'knowledge' that they would leave her eventually always meant she pushed them away before she could find any form of true companionship. She had learnt many things though, one such thing being that humans needed companionship that amounted to more than living together, and another being that she did care about Shinji for various reasons, and that Rei had experienced a life that was different but similar to hers.

Rei also pushed people away before with the silent treatment, knowing that in the end she would disappear as if she nether existed. By all rights, she shouldn't exist. But she did, and she wanted to try and connect now, difficult as it was. She may have been the most clear minded of the three former pilots on how to go about changing herself for the better, but getting there was a scary and confusing process for the cerulean-haired girl.

Shinji had done it by always being in the background, by keeping interactions with others to a bare minimum while still trying to find that connection. But now he was trying. It was obvious he was still frightened of what could happen in the future, but he was facing it now.

They were linked. Bonded by EVA. By the pain it had caused them all.

And then Asuka noticed that Shinji was just looking at her. Staring. "What?" She flashed him playful grin. "See something you like?"

Shinji looked away timidly once again.

This highlighted something else to Asuka. Shinji valued her.

She remembered what she had told him that time on the beach: _"You don't care about 'Asuka, the ace-EVA pilot', or 'Asuka, the super-smart college graduate', or 'Asuka, the prettiest girl in school'... You care about __**Asuka**_._"_

Something about his eyes told her that he didn't care about the scars that marred her skin now. None of her friends here did. They only saw her. Hikari had only ever seen her as a friend. Rei now only saw her as a friend, and before simply someone she knew. Shinji had only ever seen her as a... well, someone who he had a weird friendship with. Toji and Kensuke – loathed as she was to admit it, they had a part too – had only ever seen her as an annoyance and interference to them and Shinji.

To them, EVA was not part of what made her who she was.

It was things about _her_. Her personality. Her actions. Her words.

Suddenly, her Unit-Two did not seem very important. She may have lost her purpose, but she could... she _would_ find a new reason to exist.

_Perhaps I already have._

"Asuka?" Shinji broke her out of her thoughts. He seemed to have a habit of doing that. "Is something wrong? You're being quiet."

"I wasn't quiet for that long, idiot." Truthfully, she only been quiet for about two minutes. "I'm just figuring a couple of things out."

Rei abruptly changed the subject. "Are you hungry?"

"Not for cafeteria food," Asuka was thoroughly annoyed at that thought, "but it's all they have. As long as they have some proper meat and not just fish and rice in there, I'll be happy." Truthfully, that wasn't all that was making her happy right now.

Rei followed them, Shinji and Asuka. She thought about what Shinji had said, that she had been more talkative. She knew that as a person she hadn't changed; this part of her was always there, but she had always suppressed it because she knew what would come in the future. She noticed the changes in her two friends aswell. _Friends_._ Yes, that is the word to describe people like them_. The nicer part of Asuka and the stronger part of Shinji were always inside, aching to get out; and now they had. And she liked the thought that despite her intended role to join the minds of the world into one, she had played a major part in helping both of them find those parts of themselves and how they could show them.

But they were all still the same people, they were just finding a balance. _Finding _being the optimum word. Shinji was still very shy and scared of what other people might say or do, should he potentially do something wrong. Asuka was still loud and her defensive pride and anger kept trying to force itself back into being the dominant factor. She herself was still very quiet, speaking only when it seemed necessary; though it had seemed so more than usual recently.

And now that EVA was gone, she was not associated with it in any way whatsoever. Shinji had never seen her as associated with EVA. Asuka had at many points, but other times she hadn't, and the same was true of now. In fact, it seemed like the only reason the thre of them had ever considered the Evangelions a part of their identities was because they did so themselves, not because others did.

But they were working towards it. And with the arrival of the other three – Toji, Kensuke and Hikari – she noticed that Shinji and Asuka had brightened up yet further.

It wasn't just the joining of their minds that had allowed this new-found friendship within their triangle, the want had always been there. The fear of rejection was not gone, not fully; indeed, it would always remain with them, far more pronounced than for most human beings, but by continuing to aid each other as they had been doing, they could push through. This she knew.

And now they could begin to live how they should've lived them.

Normally.

_Perhaps having A.T. Fields in place is not such a bad thing_._ Even when they are present, people can connect in ways you would not think possible_.

* * *

Kind soul that she was, her assistant had quickly rushed off to quickly prepare the morning coffee the two of them had so often shared. 

Now sat in Central Dogma, Maya in her normal seat on the right and Ritsuko in the centre chair, they enjoyed each others company.

In the waning days of what the few people in NERV were calling the 'Angel Wars' – and what she guessed they would eventually come to be officially called – Ritsuko had avoided Maya. How could she corrupt such a kind soul? Even in those final days, it seemed that Maya kept her good will and some kind of innocence, despite being one of the people more clued-in on NERV than most were and taking part in actions many others didn't.

Maya heard her tutor take a sip of her coffee, holding the warm cup with both hands. "Ritsuko, if I may?"

"I'm not on duty Maya, there isn't any need to ask permission." She'd missed coffee like this. Made well.

"Well, I'm glad you came back." Ritsuko looked up at her younger colleague with a sad smile on her lips. "I don't know why you did what you did, but-"

"Don't kid yourself." Ritsuko cut in suddenly, grimly. "I'm a horrible person."

"That isn't true!" Maya said, nearly jumping out of her chair. "You did make some wrong choices, but I'm willing to forgive you."

Ritsuko gave a sigh into the room of dulled, dark grey tones and metal. "I suppose that's one of the reasons I've come back." Her dark green eyes looked into Maya's brown ones, which were full of hope. "I was half expecting a trial. But people like you are far too kind for your own good."

Maya blushed, she couldn't help it. "Erm... t-thank you."

The two of them heard the lift that brought people up to the area inhabited by the so-called 'bridge-bunnies' was heard; and it heralded the arrival of a purple-haired woman. She stepped cleanly off the elevator, her face passive.

"Hello, Misato." Ritsuko said neutrally; her scientist tone.

"So I wasn't seeing things yesterday." Misato replied in her own passive tone. "And I thought I was drunk without drinking beer."

"That would be a first for you." Ritsuko retorted dryly, her voice carrying no friendly playfulness.

Maya could sense the sudden tension in the room between the two older women. "Please, can you two talk about this?"

"Well, talking's been doing wonders for me and my kids," Misato said, standing in between Maya and Ritsuko and just back a little so she didn't obstruct their lines of sight to each other, "so lets talk." Misato's tone became very disapproving as she crossed her arms under her breasts, her brown eyes drilling holes into Ritsuko who was on her left. "You fucked up."

"Major!"

"No, Maya," Ritsuko said calmly, taking another sip of her coffee from the white cup she held in both , "she's right. A little crudely put, but she is correct."

"You don't have to keep going at each other's throats though." Maya desperately wanted to avoid a fight of any kind, she could just sense something brewing in the Major. "Well, what I mean is, can't you just go back to being friends?"

"That is impossible, Maya." The scientist told her assistant. "Things can never go back to then. Too many mistakes and too many betrayals."

Neither of the two scientists noticed the military woman nod an affirmative to that. Silence fell as none of them knew what to say next, none of them really wanting to say anything.

"Well, I suppose this has been a morning of new starts for me," Misato mentioned quickly, "so I might as well try it out with Ritsuko too. Just don't expect things to go quickly."

Ritsuko replied quietly, her voice shaky. "I wouldn't think so. But... that would be nice." She closed her eyes as she let the words sink in. "People today really are far too forgiving."

Misato grabbed the third empty chair and rolled it into position where she previously been standing, and dropping into it with a heavy breath, enjoying the feeling of it. "Well, if there is one thing Instrumentality and this whole damn war has taught us, it's to try and understand other people better."

"Do you remember anything from it? Instrumentality I mean?" Maya asked both of them.

"Very, _very_ little." Ritsuko told them, looking up from the cup.

"Same." Misato added, her eyes falling on the two other women. "Something tells me that the pilots had a very different experience from anyone else." It was strange that as a collective term she referred to them as 'the pilots'. After all, they had nothing to pilot. But old habits die hard, after all. "It's amazing those three can keep going after all they've been through."

"The ability of the human to adapt to it's situation is quite amazing, especially among children." Now Ritsuko sounded like a biologist. And truthfully, with Maya in the room, all the previous tension had ebbed quickly away. Perhaps it was her almost childlike innocence that did it, because Ritsuko and Misato suddenly seemed far more talkative to one another. Maybe they were just ignoring who the other voice was coming from. "As is it's ability to distract itself."

"Mmm hmm." Misato suddenly had a truly wicked thought that she put into a question, smirking almost evilly as she levelled her eyes at Ritsuko. "You never told me..." She saw Ritsuko look at her curiously, apparently anticipating her next words. "... How he was he the sack." Her tone was insulting, but bizarrely sociable at the same time.

As Ritsuko closed her eyes once more, she failed to see Maya frozen stiff with embarrassment and fright, even if she didn't know who it was Ritsuko had been 'in the sack' with.

Ritsuko's answer was simple. "Poor."

Misato suddenly burst into a fit of laughter, slapping her right knee with her right hand and apparently forgetting her earlier statement about things not going very quickly. It did seem that among friends, some form of forgiveness could be achieved rather quickly. It could've been residual effects of having your mind melded to everyone else's in one fell swoop, but things did seem easy.

Ritsuko's own chuckling did not go unnoticed by the other two women. Maya was just plain silent, unsure of how to react to what had just happened and blushing as red as a red apple.

When the joke had finally died down, Ritsuko continued. "I can understand why he did what he did, but for one of the smartest men on the planet, he was pretty stupid."

"I know what you mean." Misato replied. "Shinji's a really sweet kid, I'm sure he could've at least stuck with him."

"Ah," Ritsuko looked at Misato, with the index finger of her right hand raised, "but that would not fit into his scenario."

Misato realised something suddenly, lurching backwards into the chair. "I'm not supposed to be this friendly with you_yet!_"

"You are a strange woman, Misato." Ritsuko said with a kind smile. "Perhaps you're just drunk."

"I've only had the one can!" Misato shouted suddenly, clenching her fist vengefully in front of her face and shaking it at the bleach blonde haired woman.

Maya smiled quietly. "Well, you two are getting along just fine."

"I just can't stay mad at you, Ritsu." Misato said with a kind smile, giving a small wink to Maya as a sign of thanks. "No matter how stupid you are."

"Likewise." Ritsuko told her matter-of-factly. "Just don't ask me over to dinner just yet. We aren't at that stage." Obviously she was ignoring the fact that Misato couldn't even invite her over.

"Umm... Myself and a few of the others have a night off tonight." Maya said carefully. "We're going to, well, talk. Would you like to join us?"

"Why not?" Ritsuko answered thankfully.

"Okay, sure" Misato also answered. "I can tell you all about how the pilots were talking about kissing each other a few days back." Her smile suddenly turned very sly.

"Oh no." Maya groaned, putting her head into her free left hand.

It was going to be a _long_ evening.

* * *

It was quite amazing, really; the power he wielded right now. 

By accident, he'd stumbled upon a certain document that allowed him to access anything and everything within NERV, including all the information stored within the MAGI. Besides this, he'd also gained access to the world's other MAGI systems.

Just now, he'd accessed everything related to the Evangelions – besides what films people has on personal cameras, DVDs and anything similar – including recordings of battles against the angels, information on the S-Two engine, pilot sync data for every test they had ever taken, psychological data for the pilots; everything down to how 'healthy' the Evangelions were during each weekly check up; all around the world.

Anything stored on computers anywhere in the world about the Evangelions was now at his viewing pleasure.

From this simple and rather primitive early twenty-first century computer, hidden away within the office of the former commander and hooked up to a simple LAN connector, he had interfaced with NERV's MAGI system, who had subsequently gained access to all the other MAGI systems.

He had known about it, stored in it's little drawer. Just not it's purpose.

It was plainly clear now.

'Delete' 'Y/N' '?'

It flashed enticingly upon the screen, begging him to exercise his power. Yes or no? It seems like a simple question when asked, but can always lead to perhaps the most perplexing of puzzles. Do you cut the red wire or the blue? Do you buy that extra insurance or leave it? Do you make a move on that good looking one at the bar or not?

'Delete' 'Y/N' '?'

He pressed the button.

The message came upon the screen quickly, one letter at a time.

'All data permanently erased.'

He could picture it now. The UN – what currently remains of it anyway – would scream insults and roar at him, asking him 'Why?'. Some may argue that EVA's had a singular purpose, and were now useless. Others would argue for them as the next stage in warfare – or perhaps even human evolution – and were needed to maintain peace in the new world that came after the Angel Wars. He knew things would be chaotic for a while, but he also knew that allowing the Evangelions to become weapons of standard warfare could doom the world to a third World War that would be more devastating than anything before it.

A mass of berserk EVA's, tearing each other and everything around them apart...

As he read the message a second time, Fuyutsuki could only smile to himself. Now... he had only to wait for the next stage.

The UN Inspection Team would be arriving in due time.

* * *

_Author Notes: And there is chapter 9. Guess chapters 8-9 have been something like a "Part 1 and Part 2", haven't they? Plus: this is the longest chapter of this story to date._

_I know, I know... I went cliché with the whole "Toji forgives Shinji" thing, but it does seem realistic to me, given how long it's been since they talked. Toji's had months to think about it, let's face it. And Toji's just a damn nice guy!_

_Told you I wouldn't forget Ritsuko. _

_P.S. To my good friend and fellow writer, Bert the Nomad, I hope you enjoyed the opening. _


	10. Divided We Stand, Together We Fall

_Author Notes: Well folks, welcome to chapter 10. Things are certainly going well for this particular story. I do once again have to apologise for taking so long with the chapter, but real life is indeed a time consumer when you are at University._

_I have to say also that the second half of the pages (5-8 on Open Office) proved a fair challenge to write. There were a few different things i tried but that didn't really flow how I wanted it to; it seemed to get jarred far too much, but the final product is something I'm happy with. (Otherwise it wouldn't be the final product. Hehe.)_

_Well, I do hope you enjoy this chapter. You've waited long enough, certainly._

* * *

I am... dreaming.

I am standing in darkness. A single light shines upon me.

In front of me are two people, also bathed in light from an unknown source.

One is a boy. He stands in front of me, to the left.

I know this person. He fears me.

He fears me... because I am a part of his past, and he has seen me for who I truly am.

The other is a girl. She also stands in front of me, to the right.

I know this person also. She too fears me.

She fears me... because I am a representation of a part of her past that she hates and fears.

And I fear them. I fear them because they are... normal. They represent a life that I have never had, a life of experiences that I desire.

A life of emotion, a life of chaos, a life lived only once.

A life I do not understand.

And... they fear each other. They fear each other because they treat each other as they have desired to be treated for much of their lives, and because they both have something the other wants, yet fears.

We all fear each other.

But we are all bonded.

And we all care for the each other.

I am scared.

Are these tears?

Why are we are crying?

Why am I crying?

I can here them mumbling. I can here myself mumbling.

And though we are all looking at each other, we are saying it to ourselves.

Someone...

... ... someone...

... ... ... save me.

Death...

This is the purpose of living, for those who have no life.

**Chapter 10**

**Divided We Stand, Together We Fall**

They had been so supportive and helpful yesterday.

But she hated it! She should be strong, she shouldn't need help, she should be independent of them.

_Why can't I get this idea out of my head! I don't want to be alone anymore!_

And she still hated herself. How she had treated them. How she now looked. How she was once the strongest of the three, and was now the weakest.

Even her best friend and the other two idiots were trying to help her now.

And she wanted it, craved it almost like a drug at this point in time.

But what she hated most... what she hated most was that someone who she had once considered as little more than a human mannequin was now growing closer to her than had ever been thought possible.

Why did she hate it? She wanted it, didn't she?

... It was fear. That was why she hated all of it right now. Fear.

Fear of how fast things were changing, how she was changing.

A whisper in the room. "I don't want your help." A lie.

Another whisper. "Help me." Truth.

She was here, sat against the wall, on the right of the door that lead out to the corridor. She had pretended to be asleep as the First and Third had left for breakfast. That had been a long time ago. She had since gotten dressed into her grey track suit top and pants and all appropriate underwear, and sat against the wall that lead to the outside world with her face in knees and her arms wrapped around her curled up legs.

The door opened.

That damned monotonous voice! "Asuka, how long have you been here?"

"I don't know." She hissed back at Rei, not meeting her gaze. "Go away."

"You are troubled."

"Aren't you just a know-it-all!"

Rei stepped into the room, quietly closing the door behind her and then kneeling in front of Asuka, her school uniform's skirt spreading around her as she did..

The red-headed German did not meet her stern gaze.

"I thought that we had already talked about this yesterday?" The albino asked calmly and inquisitively, trying to think about what the other girl was doing. "If you want to talk-"

"Well maybe I don't!!" Asuka snapped back. "Maybe I want to wallow in my own self pity and be left alone! Ever think of that? So why don't you just leave me alone?"

"You are not alone."

"I said _leave me alone!!!"_

"No."

Before she knew what was happening, Rei found herself yanked towards her fellow pilot by the right strap of the school uniform she wore, while a fist targeted her face. That right fist struck hard, flinging Rei's head to the left, and then that hand grabbed hold of the other green strap of her uniform, and she found herself face to face with the enraged face of Asuka Langley Soryu, her teeth bared and eyes dilated.

"What the hell does someone like you know about me?! How could you help me? Someone like you, who's had such a lovely little life with your precious commander has no _idea_ how I've lived!!" She shook her once to try and get some reaction from the calm blankness in Rei's face. No response. "I lost my Mama, I spent my whole life being carted everywhere in Germany to be trained for that fucking machine, then I got sent off to America just to have_more _training in college! Then I lose my status as the best pilot after my life of training; get my mind fucked by an Angel, and get saved by _you! YOU!!! A fucking doll!!_"

"You are right." Rei replied in contrasting calmness and gentleness. "I am not you. But let me ask you... what do you know of my life?" Asuka recoiled at that, nearly banging her head into the wall yet not even noticing it, but keeping her tight grip on Rei's clothing. "How would you feel when you knew that your only purpose in life is to die? To bring about Instrumentality. That it was the only reason you were created. That you weren't even 'born'? That you can be easily replaced at a moments notice?" Asuka's grip on Rei's clothing loosened. "Why do you keep making yourself out to be the only victim?"

Asuka's arms dropped to her sides as her chest began to heave, forcefully holding back tears as she drank the air around her. She would not give Rei the satisfaction of showing her tears. She wrapped herself up into her original position, arms wrapped around her legs and her face hidden behind her knees. Rei too, assumed her original kneeling position.

"It's all I know how to do." Asuka whispered. "I never got taught anything else. You went to school, you got taught things about life, how to live it, you could talk to people your own age if you wanted to. I didn't have that. I never had anything like that. I never had a choice! It was always scientists and military people and college students." A gasp of air could be heard throughout the room, the said air being sucked into Asuka's mouth as her control finally gave. "My whole life is a waste."

Rei snaked her arms around Asuka's head as best as she could, letting the top of Asuka's head rest against her chest. "Will you tell me what is wrong?"

Asuka remained silent before whispering again. "You were Mama's doll." Rei gave no outward response, but on the inside she cringed violently. "It was the same doll, but it had your face. Just... blank... staring... smiling... It was you. I was scared." She flinched slightly just a second after saying that, realising she had said it to her perceived nemesis, the one she was supposed to hate the most out of all the others.

"A nightmare." Asuka nodded very slightly in reply, another short sob coming out of her.

"Why did it all have to happen to me?" Asuka asked, her voice attaining a more normal volume and whimpering in the process. "I was a good girl, wasn't I? Why does Mama keep hurting me?"

"I do not know."

Silence fell into the room for a few minutes, with only the muffled sobs of Asuka and the movement of Rei's right hand rubbing up and down Asuka's back providing any kind of activity in the room.

"We are connected, in a way; just as you and I are connected to Shinji in our own ways. Our lives have been dominated by the Evangelions and anything else connected to it, whereas Shinji has only truly known about it for the past year." Rei snuggled her face into Asuka's hair a little, trying to provide a little extra comfort to her, but not just physically.

Her first close contact with Asuka was giving her a wash of new sensations that she found exhilarating in some way. Someone who had always seemed so distant was at this place in the time the closest person to her, in both a physical and mental sense. In a way, she actually felt closer to Asuka than she did to Shinji, despite her genetic and other ties.

Asuka found the contact welcome, yet... strangely disturbing. Rei's touch was almost... motherly. It was a touch she hadn't experienced in ten years, it was so long ago that it seemed new, as if this was the first time she'd had this kind of contact. The contact was so craved but so feared that she found herself almost completely frozen besides her sporadic sobbing.

"We know more about each other than you may think. I know what it is like to have your life turned into that of a thing for others purposes." Rei said, her voice thick.

Rei pulled back and once more knelt in front of Asuka, while the redhead didn't move an inch, save for her heaving back as sobs occasionally hit her body.

"Asuka, you are stronger than me and Shinji."

"No I'm not," Asuka retorted in an almost childish way, "look at me. I can't be strong like this."

"But you are." Rei explained. "You are opening up in a way me and Shinji haven't yet. In a way, myself and Shinji are... avoiding our own problems by trying to help you. But you are facing things, even as they are overwhelming you."

"Oh shut up, will you?" The German girl looked up at she used the pointer finger and thumb of her right hand to clear her puffy and red eyes of moisture. "Stop criticising yourself for helping me. It's stupid." Asuka looked to the left as her face softened, not wanting eye contact with Rei. "I'm sorry about hitting you."

Rei rubbed the spot where Asuka's fist had connected, feeling it suddenly throb under the light pressure her fingers gave, and causing her to wince "It is okay. It is not serious." Asuka looked back to Rei again, a small smile touching her lips. "Would it comfort you to know that I have never been very sociable, and I've never listened to the teacher in class."

"Not really." Asuka replied softly as her gaze dropped to the floor again, still smiling a little. "That's still a more normal life than mine. And you had a choice in that matter." Asuka smiled slightly as she once more hid her face behind her knees again, resting her head on her forearms. She felt utterly exhausted, the rush of adrenaline having left her body.

"Asuka, I understand that you had your... 'birthday' recently." The redhead nodded her head in reply. "I have never seen the value of such dates, since I have never had one. I was not 'born', in the strictest sense." Rei looked down at the small space between them. "And due to our relationship in the past year, I did not get you a physical gift; but..." She looked up again, once more gazing at the top of Asuka's head. "I know it is not much, but... if you would accept it..." Her voice becoming even softer than normal, she raised her right hand and placed it on top of Asuka's left arm, causing the red-head to look up just enough to see what the contact was. "I would like to offer you my... friendship."

The redhead didn't react for a moment. The cerulean blue haired girl let go of Asuka's arm and pulled back a little, looking at the floor in between them, sad and disappointed at Asuka's apparent rejection.

She felt a spike of surprise when two hands placed themselves on her shoulder blades and drew her in to the magnet. Her face clearly stunned, she could still only see the top of Asuka's head before it disappeared beyond her eyes line of sight. Asuka placed her forehead on Rei's right shoulder as both arms snaked around the blue haired girls shoulders, having pulled the albino girl in between her now opened out legs so as to allow her to get as close as possible to the other girl. Rei was quick to respond after getting over her shock by letting her own arms wrap themselves around Asuka's back and neck while still remaining gentle as she held her.

A small whisper was heard. "Thank you."

* * *

"Yes. ... Yes, I understand. ... Tomorrow? And you'll want to see him immediately? Okay." As the voice on the other side told her these things, she noted them down. "I'll let him know straight away. Thanks. Bye." The red phone was placed back into it's slot in the control panel, a certain man was looking at her through his glasses."

"That doesn't sound good." Hyuga stated rhetorically as Misato rubbed the sleet out of her eyes with her right hands forefinger and thumb.

"Business." Misato tiredly stated as she looked up and picked up the phone with her right hand. "And hardly the best kind."

In Central Dogma, everything seemed to echo just slightly as it's vastness was occupied by just Makoto Hyuga and Misato Katsuragi. It gave the too of them a sense of just how lonely it could be in here at times. The glowing diagrams and maps that usually hovered in front of the command area having long been turned off to conserve power, giving the whole place a feeling of emptiness, as if in a void.

Makoto turned his vision back to his console as the woman standing beside him in her usual 'uniform' of a black dress and red jacket picked up the bright red phone once more and began dialling a sequence of numbers into it. Her clothes and his light tan brown uniform were beginning to smell somewhat. The different particles tickling the hairs in his nose did not provide a pleasant sensation, so he tried to concentrate on the work he was doing in his console rather than the sensation of disgust his brain was getting from the smells.

"What is it?"

"Germans."

Makoto gave Misato a puzzled look at that. "Germans?"

"The third branch to be precise." Misato began dialling the number's for the commanders office, her conversation with Hyuga distracting her for a moment.

"Oh..." The reason was beginning to become obvious to Hyuga. "I see."

"Tell me about it." She sighed as she took a seat on top of her friend's console, luckily not sitting on any buttons. "I'm beginning to wish I never took them as my kids."

He smiled at the purple haired woman. "That's unlikely."

She winked at him. "You're right there!" As the ringing finally stopped, the major began talking into the phone. "Hi, sub-commander? I have some big news for you..."

* * *

A couple of quiet, almost timid knocks at the door provided the first sound in around fifteen minutes to the whitewashed and pure hospital room.

"Come in." Asuka stated calmly.

The door opened to reveal Shinji stepping into the room, his plain black pants that were a single size too small and white shirt that was a size too big giving him a somewhat comical appearance. In his left hand he held a disposable paper plate, with six sandwiches of unknown make and type sitting on top of them in stacks of two, and cut triangularly.

Shinji quietly closed the door the behind him, his eyes squinting slightly at the white room. The white colour of everything only amplified the light that was fed in via the other side of the room from the large window. He peered down to his left to see Asuka sat quietly on the floor, legs stretched out in front of her and opened partially, and arms resting on her legs. Beyond that was Rei, sat quietly in more or less the same position as Asuka, except with her stretched out legs closed together and her hands neatly folding on top of her lap.

"I thought you both might be hungry," he stated with a polite smile, "so I brought you something."

Asuka eyes flicked to the sandwiches then back to Shinji's face. "And what are our choices?"

"Two egg, two ham, and two lettuce and tomato. They were all pre-made and packaged, so they might not taste that great." Shinji told them truthfully. This was all that was available in the cafeteria, most of the other food having already been raided by the refugees from the LCL sea in the past days. "Would you like some?"

Asuka patted the spot next to her that wasn't occupied by Rei, and gave a thankful smile. "Care to join us?"

"I've already eaten earlier, thanks."

"Take a hint, Shinji." The red haired German said playfully, a small smidgen of an annoyance coming through as well.

Shinji carefully sat down where Asuka had patted, being sure not to nudge her at all. He stretched out his legs, opening them just a little and offered the plate to Asuka.

Rei was surprisingly quick to acquire the two lettuce and tomato sandwiches, leaving Shinji and Asuka to have one of each of the other options. Shinji put the disposable plate next to him, and the three former pilots proceeded to eat quietly holding one sandwich in one hand and using the other to hold the one they were eating. Rei was the last to finish the austere meal, Asuka finished hers first since she was hungry and had not eaten breakfast.

Shinji had eaten earlier, but that had been breakfast. He had planned to return the cafeteria to get his own food, but things had quickly changed.

A huffed sigh was heard from Asuka. "I need to get out of these clothes."

"Why is that?" Shinji asked, turning his head to get a better look at her.

"Isn't it obvious?" Asuka stated in a whiny tone, dropping her gaze onto her grey tracksuit and looking like a child who'd lost their ice cream. "Their starting to stink. I haven't been able to change them since their aren't any other clothes in my size besides a uniform; and I'll be damned if I wear one of those ugly things."

Shinji gave a small smile. "At least you've got something that fits you properly." As Asuka looked at him his gaze turned to his shirt and pants. "I mean, look at me."

"I see what you mean." The red head chuckled. "Though I do think the pants show you off rather nicely." She gave Shinji her best seductive look as his flushed face shot to stare at her.

"W-well... ..." Shinji was rather quick to recover, his face taking on a calm look.

"Don't you like being teased?" The German asked him with mock concern.

The chestnut haired boy quickly retorted in his normal tone, adding to it's sting. "No, it's just that those clothes do nothing for your figure."

Asuka was quickly taken aback, but responded with her usual fire. "Pervert! What do you know about my figure?" She struck the top of his head with her fist, just hard enough to get his attention.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds. Asuka took a breath and leant back against the wall, having a small laugh escape her lungs. Shinji leant back against the wall after that but didn't laugh, but did smile. He got the feeling that Asuka just wasn't in much of a mood for a good verbal war right now. He was quite disappointed, he rather enjoyed the last one where he and Rei and launched a two-pronged attack on Asuka. This time she hadn't joined in.

They were beginning to return to normality, but only beginning, and at the same time their relationship was transforming, Shinji was now less reluctant to fight back, and Asuka was inclined to make sure that her jesting remained as that rather than attempting to be insulting at the same time. Even so, that didn't mean that she had to stop teasing him like she had. Back then there were times when he'd snap at her and tell her to stop, or worse; and other times he would tease back, though that normally led to her getting in a huff and shouting at him, perhaps even giving him a particularly painful strike if he said something seriously hurtful.

She could clearly remember the incident just after the defeat of the seventh angel. The two of them in a crater, her Evangelion flopped over his. She calls him via the phone and they get into perhaps the most wonderful shouting match they ever had. Yes, there were times when Shinji did snap and other times when she was hurt by him because of some of the things he said. But things always went back to normal after a few days. And other times she kept respectfully quiet; even if they were very short periods.

What time they did have free from the endless data collections, tests and the battles against the Angels was spent as how children would normally interact, as if they were boy and girl. Homework, talking about random things, all the standard teenage stuff.

Now that she thought about it, the two of them were friends in the strangest of ways, making out that they only tolerated each others presence as part of their job, but they did consider each other friends during those times; and it really all started on the carrier and as they grew more confident in each others abilities from that point on.

Shinji glanced over at Rei, who was knelt sat quietly and staring almost unblinkingly at her hands resting in her lap. He noticed what looked like the start of a bruise on her right cheek as she gave him a short look and smile.

He pushed off the wall, curious to this development. "Rei, are you all right? Did you fall out of bed last night?"

"My face?" She touched her right cheek with her right hand's fingertips, wincing mildly at the pain she got, and returned the hand back to her lap. "Asuka and I were... talking."

"Talking?" Shinji blinked then gave Asuka an incredulous glare. "What happened?"

"Please, do not push the issue." Rei requested quickly but calmly, looking at Shinji. Her eyes looked almost pleading. "Rest assured that Asuka and I have settled our differences."

Asuka thanked Rei with a quick nod then looked at Shinji, who was now more understanding of what had happened. "A lot happened between us this morning. But she did tell me it wasn't serious." She yawned, using her right hand to cover her mouth as it opened.

"All right." He leant back against the wall, reluctant to leave the room or the presence or either of the girls.

The room fell into silence, the bright light in the room seeming to illuminate everything within it. Asuka was thinking about what to say next, she didn't like the silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence, it was one where no one knew where to go next. Trust Shinji to send the conversation to a topic that had no follow on and then kill it.

She could really only think of one way to start things up again.

"I know I've already said this to both of you more than enough, but thanks for everything." Both of the other two occupants of the room looked at Asuka, who closed her eyes. "A lot really has happened."

"Asuka..?" Shinji began but was nervous of where to go. He could only think of closing the distance between them causing their legs to come into contact with each other.

"Shinji, do you still hate you mother?" Shinji would've sputtered onto her if he'd been eating. She looked at him with an enquiring face, only pushing her question onward.

Shinji looked down slowly, only to look out of the window and into the sky. "Part of me wants to, but I can't, not anymore." He felt Asuka lean back against the wall, and guessed she was looking out of the window as well. "I feel like what she did was wrong and that she made some bad choices, but I also understand why she made those choices. Plus, she didn't have much choice to begin with. She tried to help me as best as she could."

"I know what you mean." Asuka replied, her eyes lidded as her bad night of sleep began to make it's effects known to her. "Mama did what she could for me. The fact that I shut her out didn't help, so part of it's my fault. But she still tried." She closed her eyes. "... I love her." She opened them and smiled as she remembered what she had seen inside the Eva. "And she loves me too." She blinked a couple of times.

Shinji nodded his agreement.

"I did hate her as well." She noticed the two of them look at her from the corner of her eye. "The one who could be considered my mother, I mean."

"And who is that?" Asuka asked.

"Shinji's mother." Rei answered plainly. "I am... was a clone of her, though I still share much of what made her, I am now my own being. But I hated her... I have hated both her and Asuka's mother these past few days because you seemed so hurt by them. What they have done to both of you is wrong, but I can also see that they love you." She looked at the two of them, taking in their inquiring expressions. "They both wished happiness for either of you."

Both Asuka and Shinji looked down at their legs. The room went quiet for only a moment before things began again.

"But..." Shinji said to himself. "Why did she have to go?"

Rei looked away from both of them as they began to break down once more. And she could feel herself in pain as well, something she couldn't explain. It was inside her, squirming and hurting.

"Shinji..." Asuka sniffed, putting on a commanding voice as possible, her voice strained from the effort. "Next time we get the chance, we're going back to that beach."

"Yeah." Shinji nodded slightly. "But, Rei..." He wiped his eyes with the back of his right hand and looked up at Rei. "You have it worse than either of us, in a way."

The blue haired girl looked confused. "I do not understand."

"You've never had a real mother." He gave an apologetic smile. "Or any parent. Or even a proper life in any sense. Doesn't that hurt?"

"... It..." What could she say? She truly didn't know herself.

She had memories, vague memories of the past lives of the other three Rei's who had preceded her, but she could only remember the most intense of the memories. Those memories were of primarily of _her_ deaths, and she only had a few other pleasant memories, Shinji being in nearly every one of those.

She'd found herself in another situation where she didn't know how to react. Never before had she even considered this and what it could mean to not have a parent or a true life because she knew how she was created and she knew that she could be so easily replaced that it didn't really matter.

But now...

Droplets of moisture fell onto the hands into her lap. _Are these tears?_ She was crying. _Why am I crying?_ She knew why.

She was alive.

Her life was not ever meant to be.

She was alive.

The lives she had experienced were horrible.

She was alive.

Arms were encompassing her, coming around her shoulders and pulling and turning her towards the other two children that for some reason she did not want to look at. A second pair of arms came to come around her lower back. She found knelt and turned towards them, looking into two pairs of eyes, one pair crystal blue and looking into her right eye, the other pair a dark blue and staring into her left eye. Her right arm flung around the lower back of the red haired girl, and her other arm went around the shoulders of the chestnut haired boy. Then she noticed two arms leave her, and that the other two beings were re-arranging themselves, the left arm of the boy coming around the lower back of the girl, and the girl's arm snaking over the shoulders of the boy.

To be suddenly shifted from helper to the one being helped was as unusual experience for Rei as many would be. She had become accustomed to her own role, but now found herself being comforted by the two she had been helping. And what only added to her feeling on comfortable unease was that she had discovered that she valued her own existence. She was now the only Rei who would ever be again. She was now unique; and in a sense she always had been perhaps the most unique human on the planet. Now it was for far better reasons than for being merely a product.

This was what it was like to feel secure in another's arms. This was how they had felt.

She was crying. Happy.

Five minutes later she had stopped crying, having gradually regained her composure. Half way through she had realised the others had been extremely close to crying as well, though she knew that they had cried plenty throughout the past few days.

They slowly separated, the cool air providing a sudden and pleasant counter to the pleasant heat that radiated from each of the areas that had been held. Shinji and Rei were kneeling but Asuka returned to her original position, stretching out her legs from their bent position.

"Guys." Asuka began slowly. "I've was thinking just now. A minute ago." She looked first at the chestnut haired boy and then to Rei. "There are no more angels, not to mention no more EVA's, correct?"

"That is correct." Rei affirmed.

"We... don't have to pilot anymore." Shinji's voice was a strange melting pot of realisation and happiness, and perhaps even a little sadness.

The fire that had been so absent from Asuka's form had apparently begun it's return. "So... why the hell are we still here?"

* * *

_Author Notes: Part of this chapters focus was on Rei and Asuka, obviously. But what I wanted to do here was, again, something different from what I perceive as 'the norm'. Many Evangelion fanfics I've read seem to focus on the contrasts and differences between Rei and Asuka,; but I wanted to touch on some of the ways in which they are similar to each other, something almost everyone seems to miss, it would seem. (Good lord, I'm such a fanboi. But I love it, so I don't care what you people think of me. Hehe.)_

_What I also wanted to do for this chapter was to give Rei a bit more humanity, and I hope I succeeded in that. Obviously I'll continue with that line of thought. (So many lines of thought...)_

_One final, quickly made out point I wanted to bring out was that before Third Impact, Shinji did not just put up with everything, he did break during those times as well. And Asuka did let up from time to time as well._

_And yeah, the title is a little play on the little saying of 'Together we stand, divided we fall.' I think the title fits the pilots quite well, don't you?_


End file.
